the cat has fallen. the situation is at a loss.

wbarbg

Fri, 30 Oct 2026 22:41:46 GMT

its been a bit of an october, mostly been wrestling with my blood pressure being dangerously high cuz of stress and a med that will bring it down at the cost of making my guts seize up. but ITS FUCKIN HALLOWEEN so thats means i should make a post of halloween media i rec this year.

i don't want to necessarily repeat any of my recs from years prior, but it MIGHT happen. it's not like i have a perfect memory of everything i suggest!! so without further ado...

( MOVIES for the ween )

( podcasts or audio dramas )

s'all i got to suggest this year but hopefully someone finds something they like in the mix!! like a big bowl of treats, you might just hafta dig around a bit first.

happy halloween friends

comments

ads in magazines

Mon, 05 Oct 2026 01:51:09 GMT

hello there little dreamwidth blog. been a few.

first, accomplishments!

> if you haven't kept up w it, ask kyo is currently Up To Date. go ask kyo something!

> somerville zinefest was a lot of fun, absolutely would go again?!

> coinciding with the zinefest, INHUMAN ARC 6 IN PRINT for sale!

> ... along with various other shop additions, do have a look.

> and a minizine abt dysphoria on my itchio that isnt in the shop yet

> ive started doing poke-tober, the pokemon daily draw challenge for october, on social media. but if you dont want to follow it on bsky or the fediverse, its also in a kofi folder.

i tried to balance my bodily limits with working part time 4x a week with a 5yo on the spectrum, and doing weekend events. i crashed hard and fast, and am going back down to 3x a week. sucks!!! i cant even work a full day let alone a part time week!!

so i talked to my doc, we're looking into it. i guess the pathway to get insurance to treat fatigue begins with a sleep study, which these days are not so invasive anymore. you can do them at home. so thats in my future. also my blood pressure going fucky 'may' be related to exhaustion/overwork, it cools off when i have enough time to rest!! which i really wasnt getting i guess

i had a really wonderful time at worcester pride, i missed a town festival cuz of rain, i missed my cousins' kids' gala because i was so fatigued i knew i wouldnt be able to put a tent up in the dark (it wouldve been necessary) and i guess that was just luck cuz then a noreaster blew through. wouldve been outside in a tent in the path of the storm. nope, glad to miss that.

my dad's bday just passed and i'm glad he was alive for me to call him and wish him a good one. i wish i couldve been there but money is tighter than even earlier.

alph's wrongful firing (not delivering spam mail to an empty house...the boss had a personal vendetta ok) has gone to arbitration, but its now gone on more than 7 months and saved up vacation hour pay is gone. unemployment has yet to kick in cuz it needs the signature of said personal vendetta boss... and shes not giving it because, well, that. and also shes probably preoccupied because shes in trouble for schtuppin the maintenance guy on company time. she thought she was very clever abt that.

but anyway it means my part time pay and whatever i can scrape together from the shop are. all that is keeping us going rn. we're going underwater fast, because i cannot really work more or harder or faster. fun!!!

but i managed to arrange a heating loan from the credit union, and so we won't go cold at least. for a while. depending on how cold the winter is. >.>

ok i def need to lie down to try to get sleep in time for work tomorrow.

later friends

ps- the puppybook is just abt to where it was before i borked it, mostly just been using it to watch stuff in bed. i really gotta get back to fiddling with it running vintage mac roms again...

comments

happy pride year right up til halloween, baby

Sun, 13 Sep 2026 22:36:53 GMT

worcester pride was really wonderful this year!!!! i met so many new great folks and got surprised by (and surprised in turn) many old friends that i met through the bygone years of ANE who've since moved on. maresy and adam and of course tenza!!! i took tons of dog photos for my friend rey who's in the hospital rn. and tortoise photos. someone had a lil pet turtle!! like box turtle sized? and was just letting him cruise around while we set up! his name was buddy, and he would bite toes. he did have that look about him. i appreciate the warning.

i saw a bunch of fursuits that were out on their first or near-first public appearances, but most were minors so i didnt wanna grab pix!! felt weird!! but of course their work (much of it friend or self made) looked great. they kind of all begged me to get into furpoc. I'm trying!! lmfao

the nice weather was a relief, and the sales will help out a lot with ren's upcoming dental needs.

my stepmom's been having copd attacks again, but i dont know really what to do to help out. she is just struggling and frustrated.

i cant believe its already halfway through september, and i'm still very worried about what october is going to bring financially. but we'll figure something out. debt is better than dying, i guess. that's the american way anymore.

apparently creepers are creeping on me again, the same creepers from a fucking lifetime and two generations of humans ago. idk if its cuz i posted a selfie or what but they Must have been whining abt me somewhere, bc some sycophant decided to come a'trolling on deviantart.

'but what if he just disliked your art'
why click thru a thumbnail and leave a weird hateful troll remark instead of just be like meh and keep scrolling for something he did like? these people are not as clever as they would like to think at hiding their intent or ties. trolls never are.

puppybook's new keyboard is here, i want to get it fixed and tuned up before an event this weekend - *DEF* before we leave for my cousin's kids' gala.

cross fingers for the kids that they're allowed to play with toys this week during days they dont have swim!!!

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swooshhh

Sat, 12 Sep 2026 01:15:29 GMT

worcester pride is tomorrow!!! i am real tired from packing and prepping but i am excited cuz the weather is supposed to be good!!

alph is working rly well w his new therapist on adhd stuff, im glad hes finding it helpful. esp bc soon he'll have to file for unemployment as the fight with usps over wrongful firing drags on.... x.x this whole time he's been getting vacation pay waiting to come back to the office. months and months and months of years of vacation pay that the postmasters NEVER let him take. if the case is won and he gets his job back, he gets back pay for this period of time. if he does not, glhf. union just reached out and said that its ok to file for unemployment, but we'll see how much that is and how long it takes. if it can cover healthcare, or food.

fingers crossed i just sell out everything i got at all these upcoming events i guess x.x

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rabbit rabAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Fri, 04 Sep 2026 02:25:21 GMT

whew had some dingdong nearly run me over on my way to work. the disrespect for small vehicles on the road is absurd!!!!

( like if you want to know the traffic details )

the saddest part is after that hill, a nice shoulder bike lane opens up that the moped can use to get out of everyones way (or skirt them in traffic he h heh) so if they could wait TWO SECONDS i couldve been in a safer spot anyway!!!!

oh well
i know cyclists are probably like >:( that i was in the bike lane at all but its ok i promise if youre there i get on the road to go around and if youre oncoming in the wrong lane for some reason uhh id just get out of your way and when youre turning uhhh h i let you fucking turn, pinky swear lmfao

afterschool program work is a bit of a trial for the kiddo i work with so far, but shes been so good. basically theres big attractive play areas all over the room theyre in, and piles of toys, and theyre supposed to NOT TOUCH yet. a resource scarcity issue basically!!!!!!!!!! resource scarcity is a drag, shes already no fan of it. i dont blame her for being like noooo i want a play area nooooo

hopefully thatll be an option next week!! shes trying REAL hard.

there was some play time in the gym between like, four grades of kids. and wowwowow it got loud lmfao. while im like feeling my brain fry in my skull, kiddo's just running and screaming and bouncing basketballs like the best of em! i dont know that super noisy areas are anything but a sign that friends are around to this kid, which is kind of really cute tho

( so i rolled the puppybook back to july )

i almost completely forgot to take my meds because i just came upstairs to the quiet of the studio and started typing away on my wonderful kinetic clicky keyboard. i just needed to fucking chill out, man!!!!!! it was a long afternoon!!

no work monday, its a holiday. back tuesday. gonna seize these days to prep for the pride market best i can!!!

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bunbun

Wed, 02 Sep 2026 01:32:38 GMT

happy septemberrrr

ive been fighting with the puppybook all day, trying to clone a drive and set boot crap unsuccessfully and just getting kind of tired about it. but it beats being anxious about work tomorrow?

rain all day so kind of nothing but working on the month's upcmoing ask kyos and this computer issue and house chores.

what upsets me most of all is the keyboard on the netbook is damaged -again- because of having to take a drive in and out so many times.... i refuse to take this one out now tho. not til it dies. NOPE. you cant make me take it out, if i cant make it boot im booting from a thumb drive on usb. thats my plan

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mister coyote

Tue, 01 Sep 2026 02:37:33 GMT

went to see coyote vs acme today and it was fun! not like, blow you away with emotions but it was a good time and there were plenty of really silly laughs. i kind of really enjoy the overall message was that its okay to try and fail, because trying and failing is a step on the road to doing something meaningful. that you only really fail when you give up and settle. kinda feel like that message is lacking these days for folks and so it was nice to see that.

im getting prepped for Pride, i think most of the inventory is ready to go and now i just need to work on cleaning up and prepping the display stuff.

in the middle there im also swapping out the puppybook drive for a hdd off aliexpress. because the one i ordered off newegg was dead on arrival lol lmao lol

once ive got the data all swapped (i recreated the partitions and got the boot partition cloned) i guess ill try to boot from the other drive without unplugging it, just to see if it can. and thennnn clear the ssd and format it to msdos i guess lmao

feeling my usual social anxiety about returning to work but as usual ill ignore it, as i am very good at ignoring distress signals from my own body. itll be fine. its never not been fine lmao

i really like this dessert warrior knife from duen/niko. she has such good taste in knives lmao pink with rainbow sprinkls and a bright blue blade, that fucking rules

i should get my butt in gear and do workouts, its really basically bedtime. im just sitting up to start file transfers with the puppybook...

but this is also the final of blogaust. so i dunno, maybe ill be back tomorrow out of habit. perhaps not. it is a mass of unwritten future.

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oop

Mon, 31 Aug 2026 03:42:44 GMT

better hurry and write this quickly before it turns over to midnight

headed out this afternoon to help my buddy(s) duen/niko clean their apartment, we watched 9 to 5 and talked knives. knives are her current hyperfixation and i was like OH BOY ONE OF MY FAVS and brought my current wee collection over to show off. traded my balisong for a knife that looks like its covered in sprinkles and made to match an 80s barbie and i fucking /love/ it, sheesh, what a good knife holy shit

anyhoom i did that for like four hours, just got home from the train back. ren is currently reading me the riot act, because i left and stayed out after dark.

picked up some prints for worcester pride, and spent the AM sorting/prepping them into sleeves and such. i WISH i had more time to paint some stuff expressly for it, but, i'm just glad i get to have some events this year. it was starting to feel like ANE was gonna be -it- x.x

i wanted to see if coyote vs acme is playing in a theatre near us tomorrow... it sounds like its really funny and really good so i would like to give my money to that.

but if not, thats ok, i still can focus on prep for the festival and the upcoming work changes!!

but rn, my back is toast. its mad i was crawlin around on a floor looking for treasures. i should rest.

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sure is warm today

Sat, 29 Aug 2026 21:39:14 GMT

kind of gross out for the tail end of august!!

the pharmacy didnt have the covid vax in yet, so i settled for just the flu vax. its not really giving me much trouble, just making my arm a lil achey. tho i was pretty tired yesterday, i went to bed earlyyyy

the sticker club rewards for august and july are now in the mail! i'm throwing a few things at the wall in terms of merch to see what looks good, and will split those up with print club members. plus i've restocked some convention prints that sold out and ordered a few new ones.

ultimately the issue with merch is that i don't want to order things that make me feel bad. this is very vague, but for example, i feel bad about the waste that a batch of plastic keychains would produce. or plastic standees. this isn't to throw shade on people who get them, it's just that for -me- i can't look at that item and be like 'hell yeah lets go' because my brain is instead focusing on 'what about the fact that itll be in landfills long after all your work is forgotten'

SO that kind of limits merch, since a LOT of it is plastic-based these days. but i'm going to look into wood cut/burnt stuff, and textiles are ok by me. so maybe glasses cloths or lanyards or something down the line, we'll see.

"but some textiles are made with plastics!"
yeah dont ask me, i dont control the fixations that the brain comes up with. if i did, things would be a lot easier round here.

gonna head into boston tomorrow to help duen do a cleanup, which should still gimme time to recover before im back to work.

the tomato plants are going bonkers, i came in with an armload today and that was after chucking two the wildlife had been nibbling on. stuffing them into the freezer for when its time to make sauce. itll be so good.

perhaps tomorrow i will post from the train

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nigh miss

Sat, 29 Aug 2026 01:23:29 GMT

nearly forgot to write my blogaust today. almost done the month already though!

and its friday so Ask Kyo has updated!

got my flu vax, but no covid cuz it's not actually been delivered to the pharmacy yet. i'll have to find another long weekend to get that asap i guess. got medication to take as-needed for high blood pressure and immeidately took one because i am so, so, so tired of my heart POUNDING in my left ear. it is helping a little bit!

went through the sticker club members list and checked who is and isn't still a subscriber, which should save me a lil bit on stamps. stickers are set to go out tomorrow. i put in a few test orders for items for print club, uncovered some scrapped comic ideas i might later revive, and got groceries.

i still have a lot of prep to do for worcester pride, and a couple significant scheduling questions abt work for fall but... we'll get there. i'll manage. it's managable.

sinuses kind of burning from getting pool water up them yesterday. it is way too hot out and making me tired. hotel booked for ANE 2027, just gotta survive that long.

id kinda like to see coyote vs acme but food and bills are kind of taking up all the budget rn. lol.

see you tomorrow

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i can sure as hell make it worse

Thu, 27 Aug 2026 23:30:25 GMT

rewatching chernobyl the miniseries... how has this become my comfort media? i guess it assures me that governments become riddled with rot and incompetence and a danger to their own people all the time, and it is only the work of the people for themselves that allows us to survive them.

ANYWAY
the kiddos at work had their last day of summer program, and now are either officially back in preschool (bc a few were younger than the others!) or moving on up to kindergarten!!! some of the kinders will be back for the afterschool program, and i will continue working w the same kid i've been working with until we can get someone to cover me for colder seasons.

i'm really proud of all of them, but of course of the kid i work with most ykno?? probably just because i was very focused on her, i was more aware of her progress over the summer. so much more comfortable using her words, not JUST to get what she needs/wants but to just...hang out w her classmates and play!! we had one last swim day and this pm they got to have ice cream cake... but i wasn't there for that part haha

so i have a few days before the start of their school year, and i'm thinking i'll have to vaccinate vs cov and the flu tomorrow to seize the available free time. working on a few paintings ahead of worcester pride on the 12th of sept (thank you straviios for noticing my errror on FA - i am mixing up a different event that happens later in the month w pride cuz they both involve a 2. lol) and the backlog of stickers for sticker club just arrived, so i'm going to be hurrying those out too.

finally updated pkmn collectors [.] online with the new applicants!

tomorrow... yearly physical, (hopefully) high blood pressure med, and ask kyo.

see you then

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go go power rangers

Tue, 25 Aug 2026 16:51:27 GMT

phone entry from the couch before work.

managed to get a walk in after rens monthly visit yesterday but almost immediately after started to fall asleep sitting up. so i went to bed really early on. and thankfully i am afternoon shift today so i could get a few extra hours in bed. ren snuggles fiercely on days i go in later, even skipping her breakfast to stay w me. i think if she could go with me everywhere at all times, she would.

i think ive given up on black mirror. only so many consecutive boring samey scenarios i can subject myself to before i crave the plot twists and deft character interactions of a hanna barbara cartoon circa 1975

still have a bunch of webmastering homework ive slacked on. the cough is still happening but starting to improve (i can tell more by my pulse going back to normal than anything else) and the tomato plants in the garden are a mass of droops, tangles and fruits.

started reading Oz to alph, cuz i want to finish the original trilogy and then lend the book to my stepmom who rly liked the linguistic flow. but me first lmao

see you tomorrow

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gargg

Mon, 24 Aug 2026 17:16:33 GMT

im actually really hungry right now so i picked a bad time for a daily blog entry

work this am, already done w that. the cough the kids gave me seems to be trying to resolve, its not so bad except when i get up in the morning now. still very gunky tho.

this afternoon is ren's arthritis shot, in like two hours. i'm impatient! you know how it is when there's that downtime between two day events and youre just like ew i hate this liminal space i cant gauge if i should start anything or not

im trying this aldi mocktail maitai and it just tastes like fruit punch w stevia extract? i admit i am trying it because the internet said it was awful. it's not awful it's just sugar free fruit punch

i have so many computer things i need to work on but eeghhgg maybe after ren's got her shot and we head home.

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goopy

Sun, 23 Aug 2026 20:39:04 GMT

still coughing, still a very productive cough. sniffling a lil too but that makes sense, mucus production way up. feels just like a general cold otherwise, achey and oogy.

gonna go thru applications to Pkmn Collectors. Online this evening and update the site, i think. there's some new mewtwo cards that just got released, or are about to be released, in the 30th anniversary set. plus a few months ago there was a new plush, AND i managed to score a mirage/vintage plush (turn-into-pokeball mewtwo plush) and another promo card, this one from indonesia. it's just the stellar crown mewtwo, but with the biz logo in the bottom right for "Taro" which i guess is like, prolly like a taro tea joint, right? mm taro tea

i finished season1 of pluribus and i'm super interested to see where they go with season2. i forced myself through season1 of black mirror and then, punishing myself for drawing breath, moved on to season2. it's still bad. it's still boring. it's still generally like half-formed thought experiments by the very privileged and rich that fail to account for large swathes of the human population. i'm starting to think that the reason bandersnatch worked so well is becasue i could see where the story would end differently, depending on the individual in charge of playing through the film, since it was really more like a game than a film. i could see points where i very clearly wouldve been unable to proceed, unable to force the choice that advanced the story because it's just not in my nature. watching the stitched together dvd 'playthrough' also satiated my curiousity with regards to if things turned around in any way past those points where i wouldve been stuck. so i was allowed to remain true to my own feelings on what those characters should undergo, and still learn what would've happened if i didn't.

however, every OTHER black mirror episode is foundationally built on the assumption that every single person watching would pick the bad choices every time that lead to the bad end because we're horrible. BZZZT PROJECTION ALARM GOING OFF lmfao

right now alph is really into the bonus pac podcast and the infectious laughter of the hosts is really kind of a great background to daily life. it keeps my spirits up anyway lmao

this week is the last week of the summer program at work!! meaning it's the last week of working mornings, which is gonna be a relief. i just struggle to haul out from under sleep still, every time. sometimes waking up comes with massive nausea just from being so exhausted still, meaning i gotta wake up even EARLIER if i want to be able to eat something before i head out the door. gotta wait to settle my insides etc. i'm looking forward to getting more practice driving in low light, too. at this point in the daytime i'm pretty confident on the scooter unless some dingbat is filling my mirror with their bumper and refuses to pass even tho im riding the shoulder for em and they have all the space in teh world to do it. i unno, i think covid really fucked folks up, man.

ren's got her arthritis shot monday (it was rescheduled when i got called in last sec to cover friday) and my yearly physical at the other end of the week will, i hope, finally, result in high blood pressure medication. "most people" don't notice any symptoms when they're hypertensive until it's really really bad. but also, i'm not most people. i'm very tired of hearing my blood pounding in my left ear (closer to my heart) with such intensity it aches like an ear infection (but isn't!)

gotta love how getting back on track with workouts was immediately followed by...... getting sick >.> well whatever i should be good in a week.

see you with another entry tomorrow, blogaust

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awrwarf

Sat, 22 Aug 2026 20:59:18 GMT

got some sleep, much needed sleep. the bug the kids gave me is a very goopy productive cough (so, not covid) with muscle aches. nothing super severe but i did run o ut of ibuprofen last night so that was priority today.

after the company leaders told everyone on zoom yesterday that the CPR certifications were mandatory (i was told otherwise early on lol) after i got called in to cover a shift i came home, ran shopping errands, updated Ask Kyo, sat down and read through a couple pages of very basic first aid and CPR info and.... passed my certification test on both. valid for two years! i had been kicking around the idea of volunteering for first aid at a furcon for a whiel in my mind, so now i can do that i guess cuz like. why not put it to use outside work.

also looking at the courses for RBT online, since itd be something i can do when the weather gets cold and nasty. shouldnt be hard, i study/test well.

the drive ordered to fix the media PC arrived dead, seller didnt even bother wanting it back to replace they just refunded me. the state of the tech hardware industry is nasty lately.

i got my fall work schedule (mon-thur) and the weather is starting to get a little chill in teh AM and PM. soon...............................the ween

i was thinking about going to plastic city comic con today all dressed up, but when the creeping crud started giving me body aches i was like no thats ok i can stay home this year. esp to rest so i can get in to work monday without feeling like decaying meat.

i had my first mocktail yesterday and i was really surprised, they kind of nailed the taste of parrot bay and pineapple juice. way to go, aldi. i got a few more boxes of them, since i figure once the summer inventory Officially stops production theyll be GAWN until next year.

feeling like i have more focus and more intent to draw now i've paused my ffxiv sub. like, theres no 'reason' to be sucked in and distracted for 1-4 hrs. so instead i can watch a movie or a show and draw, or take care of the house, or try to solve life's various speedbumps.

its pumpkin spice latte season ubt my tummy kind of hurts from chugging one. i dont remember if i have ttrpg tonight. but i know i have a cartoonist coop meeting and vote in an h our! a good place to end t his, then.

tomorrow, blogausts

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no i did not forget

Sat, 22 Aug 2026 07:34:13 GMT

shhh im setting the blog clock back thks is yesterdays blog shhhh its 3:30am

got called in to cover after zoom meeting then grocery when back home so you would think i would be tired. but i had a PSL so i am NOT!!!!!!!

now i also know next months work schedule 🥳
wish i had time for workouts
ohhhhhhwell night

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yip

Wed, 19 Aug 2026 23:50:08 GMT

ren woke me early thismorning because she was hungry. the ants have been really hard to push back this year, and so we have to clean the catfood up before bed so she can't get herself a snack at night. so i took a walk early in the am, visited the woods. wound up driving my scooter around a bunch, cleaned up the weeds on the driveway, got some tomatos from my garden, wahwahwah

work early in the am tomorrow, then theres a couple zoom meetings i gotta deal w over the weekend. im not sure anyone enjoys zoom but i guess it's one way to get a job like that done.

almost forgot my meds today, but didnt. going to watch another ep of pluribus now and see what the whole of humanity and their new bestie carol are up to.

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hm

Tue, 18 Aug 2026 15:05:05 GMT

yeah maybe it's premature cuz ive only seen two episodes of season 1 but i do not like black mirror lmfao

it's one of those things where the creators have such a dark, dismal view of humanity and THEMSELVES (this is key) that they seem to believe the entirity of humanity is the sum of their personal worst traits. like they believe everyone would give up their convictions for a slightly more cushy gilded cage. bull and shit, i would rather die :P

anyway i think a lot of it is just projection!! like, THEY would take the guilded cage. THEY would compromise their values. so they have decided that's human nature. extremely selfish and narcissistic way of thinking!! doesn't explain altruistic behavior!! doesn't explain people who DONT turn into the monster they're fighting! but i guess it reaffirms a very popular sense of misanthropy which is probably why so many loathesome techbros love this show. it reinforces their delusion that there's no one in the world better than them. barrrrfffff this shit is down right BORING. i'm sorry england your horror is boring. you've only had one film in my lifetime that wasn't and i already forget what it was.

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ah. i see.

Mon, 17 Aug 2026 18:10:10 GMT

well, surprise :X i thought i had work monday but apparently i did not. my boss knew this friday but neglected to tell me. this ... is not the first time it's happened. at least massachusetts has a law about that. but there's also issues with my time sheet for thursday not going in that have yet to be resolved...

so i'm fighting with an AI to give me two days owed pay now, and watching a really mid horror movie called Beliath. it's not mid for lack of concept or acting, but really for its pacing. its pacing is confusing at best and bumbling at worst?? like it's trying to keep a quick pace up, and i do appreciate that for found footage horror. but the crew doesnt seem to really understand what must be left in and what must be cut out to form a coherant narrative to hook your audience. i guess i shouldve seen this coming since the cast seem to be from the UK. typically UK horror is really, really slowly paced and attempts to be a vehicle for character drama (often failing). this film is trying to use the more westernized horror movie pacing, and all i can guess is that uh. they don't teach how to do that very well in film school in the uk?

paused my ffxiv subscription this weekend, been trying to get back to my artistic groove by drawing without any real plan or purpose for myself while watching pluribus & black mirror in evenings. still waiting on a 512hdd so i can swap out the puppybook ssd and alph can revive the media pc - right now he can watch youtube on the tv with his phone but it doesnt have any adblocking so like fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck that.

in theory i have work tomorrow! and i was correct, swim-time has ended for the year. perfect timing, because last thursday everyone felt a little chill even with the heated pool.

ren was v mad that i left for work at all and now i am back she has fallen asleep next to me. classic grandmacake.

we'll see what tomorrow brings

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look stop

Mon, 17 Aug 2026 02:42:28 GMT

oops another blogaust entry from bed zzz

alph & i went out to the gem & mineral expo. we've been going for ten years and i know cuz we started the same year pokemon go came out lmao

it was still very lively for a sunday. someone tried to sell us a bengal kitten for 150$ for some reason? i got an uncracked geode and will crack it another day.

started watching both black mirror n pluribus but i think ill keep my opinions a little to myself. i sense i may perhaps be against popular consensus esp w pluribus. but pluribus has a plot hook scifi concept that really got my gears turning.

k i gotta get up at dawn n head to work in possibly damp weather nite

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oops nvm

Sat, 15 Aug 2026 18:16:37 GMT

we were going to go to the rock & mineral show today, but the car battery uh

there was a lot of white fluff around the contacts and it didnt wanna turn over so we're doing that instead

probably doing the rock show tomorrow anyway tho!

no ttrpg this week, my buddy az is on his annual vaycay to the beach w family. i'll probably spend the evening moving things out of my ffxiv house in prep for unsubscribing for a few. maybe ill have saved up enough for the new expansion by the time it drops, but if its truly fully ai slopped as they keep threatening...... aint interested in that.

my purple camo pants are here. cant wait to wear them to work monday (purple is the fav color of the student i work with). military surpluss pants still last the longest, at the cheapest (used), most comfortably for Me, Personally. maybe when fashion loops back around to old person jeans being baggy i'll be able to wear jeans again, but ngl, hrt made having tight jeans very uncomfortable. one of those other tiny things i had to do... replace literally all my clothing over the course of years. if i had an actually supportive non-transphobic moneyed side of the family they wouldve jumped to take me shopping - they fucking love clothing shopping. but they were really all just determined to ignore my transition in every way possible except to use it as 'proof' theyre 'allies' to third parties. :P

saw a studebaker (car) and a black hawk (helicopter) today. and a lotta pigs, dunno why the cops are out in force on a rando saturday.

hope we can make it to the rock show tomorrow tho.
l8r

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whup

Sat, 15 Aug 2026 03:18:50 GMT

on a roll here, got distracted by timesheet issues where i was told to ask the ai to resolve it & it told me to talk to the person who told me to ask it lolololololol and banging my head against that rock all afternoon/evening almost forgot ask kyo, rens chewy order, and now this

tomorrow rock show! geodes n fossils n gems n minerals les goooooo

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volunteer

Fri, 14 Aug 2026 02:51:42 GMT

on my phone in bed - but its still blogaust!

tired from swim at work today, but i think i finally finally have my left mirror secured on my scooter. ever since i crashed it in a busy intersection like last year, that mirror's socket has been loose meaning every couple of seconds im gently pushing my mirror back so i can see behind me. i didnt want to use epoxy or gorilla glue, and elmers didnt do anything. but that blue wall sticky tack? done the trick.

also today my future flipped from saying goodbye to the kid ive been working with and the ymca for fall... to possibly working w her 4x a week for fall 😹 aaaa thats ok im good im good. and theyll be looking for new coverage too bc i cant drive in slush so i can avoid that hopefully

i just read a really silly cartoony pokemon comic that gave me a bunch of very needed laughs

hoping ill have a nice restful weekend cuz i have been sotired

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honey coffee

Wed, 12 Aug 2026 19:12:10 GMT

trying to get this 'early' cuz i got stuff to do, but fatigue still dropped me til 1pm sleeping >.> for the arduous task of 3 hrs at work yesterday >.> body please

watched thru the youtube ken parsons backrooms videos last night, which was cool cuz i like how they expand a bit on the theory of the anomoly and build a little mythos for async. theres some elements i think are intentionally not quantifiable via the movie (like YT backrooms has time alteration properties, but we don't see evidence of that with clark & mary) but some elements that very obviously want them tied together (the decal o fthe sun on the wall in Found Footage 3 matches the decal of the sun on the wall shortly before clark & his employees get split up) but mostly???? i have a real hard time believing this is all blender. it's all SO well done. i guess the lack of focused human figures helps to keep the illusion that it's a real space. if we're only seeing them distant, distorted through security feed, you can't really tell (as much) that they're cgi figures. but really the backrooms series is a master class in understated mood. so much of the tension exists only as a result of the lowfi beats mixed with the eerie lighting angles (NOT something to be ignored, thank YOU) and the hesitant/anxious handicam POV.

obviously at this point i have my own speculative theories about what the Ken Parsons Backrooms are all about, but i think i'd be annoyed if it was laid out explicitly. for the most part though its any old tale of human hubris and greed, mixed with parsons' own personal fear of things that are Large Beyond Expected Scope. that's really the main Fear i pick up from watching his works - dude finds stuff unsettling when its size exceeds expectations by several magnitudes. listen, tho. i'm absolutely thrilled to have a horror director whose deep dark fear is the vastness of outer space. do you know how many of them just hate women. do you DO YOU ESPECIALLY OLD WOMEN DO YOU oamfdslkfasdfsdfadsfasd

usually drink my coffee black. put a little honey in it today to try to get it down faster and get myself moving.

something something my drs office got wires crossed and i got enrolled in a diabetes trial? i dont have diabetes, or prediabetes, or anything family history of diabetes? we were trying to go into a blood pressure monitor trial? i'd ask what happened here but i'm fairly sure the answer is as usual Vibe Coding. fuckin ai ruining everything as usual.

started drawing some fanart of max from godslayers (he is my fav, a shining beacon of optomism in a crapsack world) but who knows when itll be done, it feels kind of hard to complete drawings rn with the fatigue clouding my brain. i had hoped it'd clear up when i got my HRT shot but if it is, its not clearing very quickly.

possibly? the last day of swim-work tomorrow, which i guess my fatigue will be grateful for. but i'll miss, its really kind of a common trans thing to be like 'well i transitioned, i give up swimming in the pool forever now' because of transphobia. but toddlers do not judge and do not ask why you're wearing a shirt (to hide the gnarly cancer scars) and it's really very nice to feel like nobody's judging me while also being up to my neck in water splashing around. always loved to swim, growing up on the deleware n w a grandma whose condo had a pool. it's been so, so, so many years since i've jumped in a pool (because i got tattoos in my 20s and needed to hide them from my mother..) and who knows when i'll get the chance again.

i've kind of lightly floated the idea that some furcon should organize a trans-swim, since most hotels have a pool? and there's lots of us at furcons? just like, one blocked out hour in the evening or something where we can jump in a pool without concern for someone policing nipples or-lack-thereof. feel like the real thing here is someone with a lifeguard certification who can offer to tak ethe chair over for the hotel, since its really hotel lifeguards that often are the ones causing trans folk grief in the pool...

well ive already wasted an hour awake. i gotta get to work on things and prep for work tomorrow before my body drops me again. later

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good to see ya

Tue, 11 Aug 2026 23:12:23 GMT

really nice day at work tbh, tho i absolutely felt the weight of not having been there last week because of insurance changeover. but the kiddo i've been working with is doing so, so well. she's really hitting her stride lately!! i'm super hopeful she's going to get a strong start when she changes over to the big school this fall.

i really don't know if i'm going to be continueing working with her, mostly because if we're scheduling into fall and the roads get icy, i can't make it on my own in evenings. i love my scooter, i really feel good driving it and wish i'd started my scooter life journey decades earlier???? but it does handle like Sheit in the ice and snow. every turn becomes kind of really quite scary. part of this is because at least one of the rims is badly bent. but part of it is just, yboy never learned to drive on ice or snow or slush. i'm very new to it still and i dont think anyone wants me crashing on a cold wet road in november on the way back from work. well ok, maybe some folks do. but sucks to them lmfao

ren was very upset that i left at all. the older she gets the less she approves of this whole "leaving her line of sight" thing.

the rock & mineral show is this weekend somehow already?? i always forget until august and then throw around real last minute to see if anyone wants to go and then am like :( no one goed w us.

last few nights the puppybook was overheating badly out of nowhere! except that with linux, since i'm in charge of updates, it wasnt actually out of nowhere. i'd run sudo apt upgrade a few days before which updated all the software that had come prepackaged and which i'd downloaded since starting the project a few months ago. in there somewhere was a cpu update that messed up my scaling settings, cooking the entire machine to... i dunno go faster i presume? i fiddled with the new interface, read some defintions on arch wiki (still the best resource, please publish this in a book) and fixed it. bam, thats how you solve a problem

anxiety been pretty rough today, i think just a side effect of returning to work. its usually like in phases, yknow? like theres the pre-anxiety where im just like reticent to do something, thinking of ways to back out of something etc. thats easy because i know thats just anxiety about doing something new or something i have big emotions about. so then there's a lull, or a season of peace or something, where while i'm doing the thing i was previously anxious about i'm fine because i'm engaged. i don't have time to feel the anxiety because i'm actually doing the thing. why, one might even lie to themselves and suggest i effeciently was trying to get my worries out of the way ahead of time so i could focus solely on my work!

....then the task ends, and i enter a vacuum of task and distraction, and the anxiety surges back like four times as bad and with half the focus and direction. u had a great day at work! time to feel like cowering under the desk!!

i am sooooooo looking forward to getting off tamoxifen and also off venlafaxine bc at least at LEAST sertraline did somethin for my anxiety as Well As shortening depressive episodes in both length and depth.

i should eat. i should scan this drawing of trout. arf arf

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