some fun eh kid
it's july, i wanted to make a post before the month got away from me with unexpected chores and responsabilities...again. i'm really struggling to find the time and energy after all of them to create anything. it's not a great feeling. like i'm solving every problem thrown my way except my own problem of 'can i get five minutes'
anyway... if you want a monthly sticker in the mail OR monthly art rewards check out my comradery which is like a patreon but less venture capitalist. if you're international, you'll probably want to stick with kofi rewards for the time being... comradery is still ironing out some issues with regards to both international backers and folks backing for custom amounts.
coming up next month in august is Plastic City Comic Con, which i'll probably be selling mostly fandom/pokemon related things at. my experience there in prior years was that original content doesn't find its audience, so i'm trying another tactic. it's weird to think a small town comic con is in some way more corporate minded in its fandoms than large scale anime cons but.... go figure? following PCCC in september is Worcester Pride, where i'll also be vending. prints did very well at woo pride and so i'll have lots of those with me. hopefully a new printed version of a pride sketchbook i did one year as well. and hopefully this year it won't thunderstorm on us as soon as the day ends!!
ren and my father both have been recovering steadily, but likewise, age is not kind to either one of them. it's not my fav. ren, tho, doesn't trust chatGPT for medical advice ... and my dad does. at least now i know why he waited a week with a fever at his age before collapsing at home and needing emergency treatment. thanks, ai. and no, he doesn't seem to see a connection between this and his hospitalization because he's asking it how long it'll take to recover now .-.
it's.... been stressful, i guess is all i can say of this summer so far. i haven't had nearly the time to create things that i want. and even if i get the time, i'm often exhausted beyond my ability to think. and art does require thought. i'm not thrilled to feel like this. not thrilled to feel like any challenge that is thrown my way is mine alone to deal with entirely without help. it's really dragging me down, honestly. like life is one giant highschool group project where i'm the only one who cares about the grade and so i'm always doing the work. don't complain it isn't fair because nothing will be done and then everyone slacking off in the group will get all worked up you're not thrilled with their choices. but i'm exhausted, i'm way beyond exhausted. i just need to stop feeling like the only responsible adult in the world. and it isnt happening.
to fall asleep i've been listening to a podcast of short horror fiction called Please Leave. it's really excellently written and read, and more importantly, is not plastered top to bottom with jarring advertisements. i used to listen to both magnus archives and knifepoint horror, but BOTH have decided it's more important to make that fraction of a penny (cmon, ive done online advertising, i KNOW its a fraction of a penny) by assailing listeners with cacaphonous phoney babble shilling ai and suppliments. nothing i quite adore like slowly drifting off to sleep and then SPROING BOOM KLONG KLONK TWEE WHISTLING SIGN UP FOR WHOLE FOODS AND GIVE BEZOS ANOTHER MILLION BAJING PING DONG WONK
and nowadays i can't even tell myself "at least someone got paid to read this ad copy" because lol yeah right they probably used ai
one mantis remains in the terrarium, and is subsisting on fruit flies. it's grown a little bigger, but is still a very tiny bug.
i'm trying to find the time to compile my sketches from last month into a pdf of bug art, but as mentioned above... with what time? it's 3.30pm right now and i've only got to this blogpost just now even though it was on my list from last night. because if not me to pill the cats, then who? if not me to wash the pissed upon furniture (thanks audrey) then who? if not me to get the mail, repair the mailbox, water the plants, weed the veg patch...
likewise falling behind on art. i saw a post earlier that resonated with me severely on how badly artists are treated and how badly it feels to be a streaming-for-pay artist... it really is like running five jobs at once for the pay of 1/2 of a job. but in this current economy, both of attention and finance and ai and censorship and algorithms, the FOMO of streaming art is the only thing that draws customers in anymore, unless i can sell in person. and i've been not having great luck getting wind of events to apply at lately.
still no AC in the car... going on 2 years now. i remember when we first got the "new used" murano someone immediately had us put over 1200 miles on it driving back and forth to see them for, honestly, no good reason. i tried to explain -then- that we could barely afford to fix this car if it broke. naturally when the frame did break, this person was nowhere to be found either to boost the campaign or help out :P in fact looks like they've moved onto their next poor sucker. i did reach out and offer them a word of warning about this person's tendency to Take Take Take without limits, hopefully it won't end in them being burnt out broke and having this person flee abruptly leaving them in the lurch.... but i suspect since that's the pattern? it might happen.
i'm exhausted. can you tell i'm exhausted? i took a heat exhaustion nap yesterday after foraging for the second harvest of wild raspberries growing out back. there's still more coming that will be ready this week, and i've already got a full gallon bag in the freezer. i will never say no to free fruit tho.
but it feels constantly exhausting to be the only person who can look to the future and not just go "i give up lol". like cool, cool coping mechanism. the future is coming regardless. so you could like, help prepare for it. help make it easier on me. or just like you know continue to do nothing and live in the moment exclusively. slowly drain me of energy and motivation and inspiration and health until i'm nothing but an automoton husk running back and forth putting out fires. just like Don't Starve.
because i can't give up. and i can't do less than what needs doing. i'd rather take a hammer to my fingertips one by one, that sounds less uncomfortable and more appealing. but at a certain point, i will wind up like the little red hen with her bread. no one wanted to help grow the wheat, or harvest it, or grind it into flour... but they all want to eat her fresh baked bread.
and at that point the little red hen is like 'why the FUCK should i share with you when you opted out of the effort EVERY STEP OF THE WAY'
that's going to be me, i fear. but whatever. i have no control over the actions of others. only my own.
and right now there's more chores that need to be done. and i'm out of the half hour of time i have to write this.
i want a robot to do the laundry and the dishes for me, but for some reason venture capitalists decided i need to do those twice as much and instead they'll build and art theft machine to make no one interested in art anymore. cool concept, can't wait to see the entire industry burn to the ground when the bubble bursts.
maybe i'm just sour after a disgusting holiday for a disgusting nation led by disgusting people. but not without reason, certainly.
whatever. i'll take my thorn scratches from harvesting berries and my elderly cats and my poverty over becoming a boot licking pick-me who deals in crypto or ring doorbells or teslas. i'd rather be upset that my bank changed their stock photos from multiracial families to white women than be oblivious to the change at all. i'd rather be fucking awake.
anyone who gives a shit about this planet or others on it ought to feel the same way. fix your hearts or die, as the man said.
quite a few are delaying on taking the second option after rejecting the first. this is extremely rude of them. if you are pro trump or pro israel or anti-trans or anti-DEI or pro-ICE? simply hurry up and die. thanks.
death before detransition doesn't mean my death.
anyway... if you want a monthly sticker in the mail OR monthly art rewards check out my comradery which is like a patreon but less venture capitalist. if you're international, you'll probably want to stick with kofi rewards for the time being... comradery is still ironing out some issues with regards to both international backers and folks backing for custom amounts.
coming up next month in august is Plastic City Comic Con, which i'll probably be selling mostly fandom/pokemon related things at. my experience there in prior years was that original content doesn't find its audience, so i'm trying another tactic. it's weird to think a small town comic con is in some way more corporate minded in its fandoms than large scale anime cons but.... go figure? following PCCC in september is Worcester Pride, where i'll also be vending. prints did very well at woo pride and so i'll have lots of those with me. hopefully a new printed version of a pride sketchbook i did one year as well. and hopefully this year it won't thunderstorm on us as soon as the day ends!!
ren and my father both have been recovering steadily, but likewise, age is not kind to either one of them. it's not my fav. ren, tho, doesn't trust chatGPT for medical advice ... and my dad does. at least now i know why he waited a week with a fever at his age before collapsing at home and needing emergency treatment. thanks, ai. and no, he doesn't seem to see a connection between this and his hospitalization because he's asking it how long it'll take to recover now .-.
it's.... been stressful, i guess is all i can say of this summer so far. i haven't had nearly the time to create things that i want. and even if i get the time, i'm often exhausted beyond my ability to think. and art does require thought. i'm not thrilled to feel like this. not thrilled to feel like any challenge that is thrown my way is mine alone to deal with entirely without help. it's really dragging me down, honestly. like life is one giant highschool group project where i'm the only one who cares about the grade and so i'm always doing the work. don't complain it isn't fair because nothing will be done and then everyone slacking off in the group will get all worked up you're not thrilled with their choices. but i'm exhausted, i'm way beyond exhausted. i just need to stop feeling like the only responsible adult in the world. and it isnt happening.
to fall asleep i've been listening to a podcast of short horror fiction called Please Leave. it's really excellently written and read, and more importantly, is not plastered top to bottom with jarring advertisements. i used to listen to both magnus archives and knifepoint horror, but BOTH have decided it's more important to make that fraction of a penny (cmon, ive done online advertising, i KNOW its a fraction of a penny) by assailing listeners with cacaphonous phoney babble shilling ai and suppliments. nothing i quite adore like slowly drifting off to sleep and then SPROING BOOM KLONG KLONK TWEE WHISTLING SIGN UP FOR WHOLE FOODS AND GIVE BEZOS ANOTHER MILLION BAJING PING DONG WONK
and nowadays i can't even tell myself "at least someone got paid to read this ad copy" because lol yeah right they probably used ai
one mantis remains in the terrarium, and is subsisting on fruit flies. it's grown a little bigger, but is still a very tiny bug.
i'm trying to find the time to compile my sketches from last month into a pdf of bug art, but as mentioned above... with what time? it's 3.30pm right now and i've only got to this blogpost just now even though it was on my list from last night. because if not me to pill the cats, then who? if not me to wash the pissed upon furniture (thanks audrey) then who? if not me to get the mail, repair the mailbox, water the plants, weed the veg patch...
likewise falling behind on art. i saw a post earlier that resonated with me severely on how badly artists are treated and how badly it feels to be a streaming-for-pay artist... it really is like running five jobs at once for the pay of 1/2 of a job. but in this current economy, both of attention and finance and ai and censorship and algorithms, the FOMO of streaming art is the only thing that draws customers in anymore, unless i can sell in person. and i've been not having great luck getting wind of events to apply at lately.
still no AC in the car... going on 2 years now. i remember when we first got the "new used" murano someone immediately had us put over 1200 miles on it driving back and forth to see them for, honestly, no good reason. i tried to explain -then- that we could barely afford to fix this car if it broke. naturally when the frame did break, this person was nowhere to be found either to boost the campaign or help out :P in fact looks like they've moved onto their next poor sucker. i did reach out and offer them a word of warning about this person's tendency to Take Take Take without limits, hopefully it won't end in them being burnt out broke and having this person flee abruptly leaving them in the lurch.... but i suspect since that's the pattern? it might happen.
i'm exhausted. can you tell i'm exhausted? i took a heat exhaustion nap yesterday after foraging for the second harvest of wild raspberries growing out back. there's still more coming that will be ready this week, and i've already got a full gallon bag in the freezer. i will never say no to free fruit tho.
but it feels constantly exhausting to be the only person who can look to the future and not just go "i give up lol". like cool, cool coping mechanism. the future is coming regardless. so you could like, help prepare for it. help make it easier on me. or just like you know continue to do nothing and live in the moment exclusively. slowly drain me of energy and motivation and inspiration and health until i'm nothing but an automoton husk running back and forth putting out fires. just like Don't Starve.
because i can't give up. and i can't do less than what needs doing. i'd rather take a hammer to my fingertips one by one, that sounds less uncomfortable and more appealing. but at a certain point, i will wind up like the little red hen with her bread. no one wanted to help grow the wheat, or harvest it, or grind it into flour... but they all want to eat her fresh baked bread.
and at that point the little red hen is like 'why the FUCK should i share with you when you opted out of the effort EVERY STEP OF THE WAY'
that's going to be me, i fear. but whatever. i have no control over the actions of others. only my own.
and right now there's more chores that need to be done. and i'm out of the half hour of time i have to write this.
i want a robot to do the laundry and the dishes for me, but for some reason venture capitalists decided i need to do those twice as much and instead they'll build and art theft machine to make no one interested in art anymore. cool concept, can't wait to see the entire industry burn to the ground when the bubble bursts.
maybe i'm just sour after a disgusting holiday for a disgusting nation led by disgusting people. but not without reason, certainly.
whatever. i'll take my thorn scratches from harvesting berries and my elderly cats and my poverty over becoming a boot licking pick-me who deals in crypto or ring doorbells or teslas. i'd rather be upset that my bank changed their stock photos from multiracial families to white women than be oblivious to the change at all. i'd rather be fucking awake.
anyone who gives a shit about this planet or others on it ought to feel the same way. fix your hearts or die, as the man said.
quite a few are delaying on taking the second option after rejecting the first. this is extremely rude of them. if you are pro trump or pro israel or anti-trans or anti-DEI or pro-ICE? simply hurry up and die. thanks.
death before detransition doesn't mean my death.