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all in good time we'll come around
Dec. 10th, 2019 11:48 amHey hey so. Here we are in december and yknow what i think im going to actually write something more substantial here. Firstly cuz i feel i oughta say something retrospective (its been a hell of a year) but also so i can stress test the little bit of blog code on my site. I mean i went to all the trouble of figuring css out enough to update my site, i may as well make it look good >:O
Have u seen yet tho? Inhuman got a major update haha
Iunno tho. I feel like blogging fell by the wayside and i kinda miss it. I mean theres not really like BLOG CULTURE the way there used to be but ill try to make a concious effort in 2020 to actually. Write entries that i want to share. Not to feel like 'shit ig otta knock out some words to go with the update but im sssooo busyyyy' like .. i. May as well. Make an effort to say something worth sayin.
Lllike i said tho its been a hell of a year. The big c. What a dirty word. You say it and the whole room mood drops. Its kinda wild? And im still not like, 100% sure that im really done? Like ... im done chemo, im done radiation, its all finished ...or is it? I guess the idea is that im bracing myself for the potential for a reoccurance in the future. But also i guess being very aware im on a clock to my own mortality (i mean we all are, but, wakeup call) has changed some outlooks on life. Like. I feel less cynical? I dunno lol.
I also have this like weird mindset now that now that i -am- done treatment, Nobody Cares Anymore (tm). This is also irrational and false and i know it. But being aware that the voice youre hearing is one of bullshit and anxiety disorder doesnt make it stop talking... iunno. Mental health is a very weird territory but i do feel a -lot- better for having... lol... gotten things off my chest (i absolutely stole this joke from sfe monster, my bad, its just a good transmasc joke...)
Honestly i do think that if i wasnt trans, the whole experience of the Big C woulda been much worse. I imagine most people feel dysphoria when it comes to a tumor? And that the fear that that clump of evil cells is still in you probably would cause dysphoria too. Or at least, im guessing it does. But i am so used to feeling it that it wasnt a new feeling. It -lessened- after the surgery, like, so much so that the dysphoria i might hae felt about cancer cells in me was insignificant.
Its just a weird place to be!
So about this new layout... if youve read this far you must be a giant nerd so like you might actually be interested in this stuff lmao. In the layout theres stuff that represents (several) characters in inhuman. But more is visible depending on how youre viewing the site. Its like an easter egg! Also i tried to include things that both reminded me of the sites i loved as a teen (the grid is a reference to the late author Aaron Allston's 90s site... i crawled every corner of that site as a kid) and also just. While they worked on modern browsers and with the layout, still kinda evoked that 90s feeling of a world wide web that was less about numbers and more about... iunno. I dunno where im going with this lol. But i did spend like 4 days learning and working in css and then 2 more days trying to polish the code for when it goes live. So i really hope it works!
Speaking of tech tho, i really think my computer is dying. Its a 5yo laptop which by all means youd think would mean it should have a little more left in it but... i dunno. Not being able to upgrade much and the operating system about to lose support, iiiiiits getting pretty shakey. Sometimes things dont save to places and sometimes programs randomly dont want to work and give me strange errors ive never seen before. So that is a concern i have.
I want to thank kep (for linking me to css libraries and listening to me scream... as well as giving me his old ipad to draw on which is how i did all the aspects) and kei (for being my hi-res tester and feedback voice) as well as the discord chat for helping me get it off the ground. I feel good being able to code my own sites again, i feel a sense of pride and ownership i missed. It reminds me of learning html for the first time lol.
Trying to think of a way to round this off, i dunno. A link to the discord i guess? Its generally pretty chill and lazy-paced. Join up if you wanna.
https://discord.gg/e5AhTkR
Oh yea, i also finished Sin in Space! So if you want to hear me read an old pulp scifi novel about communists on mars, its absolutely complete.
Still a bit of 2019 left to go, tho. Lets see what we cant do with the rest of it...
Love ya <3
Have u seen yet tho? Inhuman got a major update haha
Iunno tho. I feel like blogging fell by the wayside and i kinda miss it. I mean theres not really like BLOG CULTURE the way there used to be but ill try to make a concious effort in 2020 to actually. Write entries that i want to share. Not to feel like 'shit ig otta knock out some words to go with the update but im sssooo busyyyy' like .. i. May as well. Make an effort to say something worth sayin.
Lllike i said tho its been a hell of a year. The big c. What a dirty word. You say it and the whole room mood drops. Its kinda wild? And im still not like, 100% sure that im really done? Like ... im done chemo, im done radiation, its all finished ...or is it? I guess the idea is that im bracing myself for the potential for a reoccurance in the future. But also i guess being very aware im on a clock to my own mortality (i mean we all are, but, wakeup call) has changed some outlooks on life. Like. I feel less cynical? I dunno lol.
I also have this like weird mindset now that now that i -am- done treatment, Nobody Cares Anymore (tm). This is also irrational and false and i know it. But being aware that the voice youre hearing is one of bullshit and anxiety disorder doesnt make it stop talking... iunno. Mental health is a very weird territory but i do feel a -lot- better for having... lol... gotten things off my chest (i absolutely stole this joke from sfe monster, my bad, its just a good transmasc joke...)
Honestly i do think that if i wasnt trans, the whole experience of the Big C woulda been much worse. I imagine most people feel dysphoria when it comes to a tumor? And that the fear that that clump of evil cells is still in you probably would cause dysphoria too. Or at least, im guessing it does. But i am so used to feeling it that it wasnt a new feeling. It -lessened- after the surgery, like, so much so that the dysphoria i might hae felt about cancer cells in me was insignificant.
Its just a weird place to be!
So about this new layout... if youve read this far you must be a giant nerd so like you might actually be interested in this stuff lmao. In the layout theres stuff that represents (several) characters in inhuman. But more is visible depending on how youre viewing the site. Its like an easter egg! Also i tried to include things that both reminded me of the sites i loved as a teen (the grid is a reference to the late author Aaron Allston's 90s site... i crawled every corner of that site as a kid) and also just. While they worked on modern browsers and with the layout, still kinda evoked that 90s feeling of a world wide web that was less about numbers and more about... iunno. I dunno where im going with this lol. But i did spend like 4 days learning and working in css and then 2 more days trying to polish the code for when it goes live. So i really hope it works!
Speaking of tech tho, i really think my computer is dying. Its a 5yo laptop which by all means youd think would mean it should have a little more left in it but... i dunno. Not being able to upgrade much and the operating system about to lose support, iiiiiits getting pretty shakey. Sometimes things dont save to places and sometimes programs randomly dont want to work and give me strange errors ive never seen before. So that is a concern i have.
I want to thank kep (for linking me to css libraries and listening to me scream... as well as giving me his old ipad to draw on which is how i did all the aspects) and kei (for being my hi-res tester and feedback voice) as well as the discord chat for helping me get it off the ground. I feel good being able to code my own sites again, i feel a sense of pride and ownership i missed. It reminds me of learning html for the first time lol.
Trying to think of a way to round this off, i dunno. A link to the discord i guess? Its generally pretty chill and lazy-paced. Join up if you wanna.
https://discord.gg/e5AhTkR
Oh yea, i also finished Sin in Space! So if you want to hear me read an old pulp scifi novel about communists on mars, its absolutely complete.
Still a bit of 2019 left to go, tho. Lets see what we cant do with the rest of it...
Love ya <3
