my nostalgia can beat up your nostalgia
Jun. 11th, 2012 01:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
not_fungood morning space cadets.
let me talk to you a moment about a tv show i've been dutifully (and regretfully) watching. it's about to wrap up its second season.
this tv show is called "the new version of thundercats" and hey, i won't lie, the art design is really nice. the animation isn't too shabby i guess. the series started off with a LOT of promise. but then they did something stupid. they wouldn't meet the first episode writer's pay demands, and fired him, and hired some absolutely atrocious writers in his place. the series has been in a steady downward spiral since that point. it's almost painful to watch. the writers have no idea what they're doing. liono has a cathardic revelation that he must prove himself as king and stop being jealous of his brother about once every three episodes and never changes his behavior, in spite of this.
"blundercats" about sums it up, really.
the fact of the matter is that i wouldn't be writing this except for one thing: the new thundercats fandom? is quite active on twitter. and last week i watched them go biz-zonkers crying that this was the "best episode yet" and "taught the dangers of drugs" and how "deep" the show was. i was extremely skeptical. but i thought maybe the writers were throwing me a bone, here, and actually did a propaganda episode!
alas, this was not the case. it was just a lame throw-away side gag where tygra accidentally drinks a potion and goes all lovey dovey telling liono his feelings and picking flowers and cuddling catterpillers and shit. there were really no negative repercussions, no lecture, and it wasn't the focus of the episode at all. i found myself sitting there shouting
REALLY? REALLY NEW THUNDERCATS FANDOM? YOU THINK THIS IS PROPAGANDA?? REALLY?? REALLY. REALLY???
so i had to bust out my screencaps.
i know what you're thinking. "but icarus, you already did the thundercats propaganda episode!" I SURE DID. FOR SEASON THREE. the original thundercats had not one, but TWO propaganda episodes! and you know me. propaganda collection is my favourite hobby, next to drawing comics about emotionally crippled aliens.
join me, won't you?
usual disclaimer still applies. if you don't do drugs whatever i don't care. if you do drugs whatever i don't care. it's your choice. some are dangerous, some are not, but they are no more dangerous than alcohol or energy drinks in my considered opinion. if you can enjoy them responsibly there's no problem. my beef is not with cartoon companies in the 80s trying to keep kids away from drugs, it's the fucked up morals they instilled in the process (alienate drug users, offering no real solutions on how to get them help, magic solves everything, just say no, drug users are evil, drug dealers are monsterous inhuman beasts) that ultimately bred an era of cynicism where now you can't teach kids or adults ANYTHING about being safe about drug use without them just tuning out.
WHICH I PERSONALLY THINK CONTRIBUTES TO THE METH PROBLEM IN THE STATES TODAY BUT THAT'S A SOAP BOX FOR ANOTHER TIME. LET'S LOOK AT SOME FUCKING THUNDERCATS.
so here we are on third earth. that planet where nothing makes any fucking sense.
I AM A SNAKEBIRD WITH A VICIOUS CURVED BEAK BUT MY YOUNG EAT FLOWERS
CAW CAW
OH NO SNAKEBIRD'S TREE FELL DOWN A CLIFF CALL THE THUNDERCATS THIS IS TRAGIC
cat's lair
CATS LAIR CRUSHED UNDER A TREE HOHOHOOOOo
what's actually going on is there's a ton of mini earthquakes all over third earth. panthro and tygra have been monitoring this from cat's lair and can't really figure out why. i...guess their instruments are advanced enough to show it's not tectonic force?
panthro
thank you for last night
i mean it
now you will never see these two the same way again
you're welcome
anyway tygra walks awkwardly backwards out of the control room, saying he's going to investigate the source of the earthquakes.
panthro tells him to be careful and he replies "as a cat."
think of all the cats you know
this should not be a reassuring statement, to anyone.
lemme just turn on the backgrounds here
HELLO PUNY TYGRA
hello enormous sardonic screencapper
HOLD STILL PLEASE
okay, enormous sardonic screencapper
hahahahahaahaha man i can't believe you
fell for it
ooooh
anyway a miniquake causes him to fall down a crevace where he lands on a ledge.
you know what i learned in this episode? i learned that tygra is not just THE MAGICIAN~ but is actually the architect thundercat.
i dunno why, i find that kind of interesting. i guess he would design things and panthro was in charge of building them. which means his character actually had a job and area of expertise which means he's already twice as better characterised than the new thundercats version of tygra is.
AND THESE GUYS WERENT EXACTLY STELLAR CHARACTERIZATIONS THEMSELVES.
seriously, the new show is so bad right now. so, so bad.
if it gets renewed for another season i will honestly be shocked.
anyway, tygra climbs out of the crack in the ground.
you'd think he'd learn to avoid large portions of earth that are flat painted for animation ease but nope, he just runs right onto another one.
HELP A GIANT WHISKERWORM OH NO
third earth is a crazy inhospitable fucking planet
but i guess since the thundercats are kind of marooned there in the original series there's not much they can do about that fact
tygra honey no
don't feed it your whip
TYGRA WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU
well whose fault is this now tygra? you have only yourself to blame.
anyway the whiskerworm yanks him down into these huge underground passages.
ow. what did i do last night
i could use some hair of the keystone that bit me
the worm leaves some sort of slimey glittering trail. don't worry about it, it's really not important.
AND THEN A MOLE MAN POPPED OUT
uh hi mole men
are you the ones causing the earthqakes?
no? nothing?
guess not.
bye molemen?
tygra is weirdly delighted by the concept of molemen and shouts
MOLE LIKE PEOPLE :D
WILL THE WONDERS OF THIS PLACE CALLED THIRD EARTH NEVER CEASE?
THEN HE GETS A HUGE PILE OF DIRT DUMPED ON HIM FROM THE MOLE HOLE
HOW'S THAT FOR A WONDER OF THIRD EARTH, TYGRA
blarg help i'm a mighty thundercat
blaaaarg
you know tygra typically in nature
moles do not best tigers
anyway the moles tie him up and ask him if he knows anything about the quakes.
prettymuch all we learn from this encounter is two things.
1- the moles are not responsible for the quakes
2- there are mole people
neither of these are really important to the rest of the episode. WHATEVER WHO CARES WE DREW SOME MOLES IN EXECUTIONER HOODS WE'RE DONE.
you guys gonna untie me or...
no? okay then.
fortunately the walls of the cave are made out of RAZORBLADES and tygra is able to free himself just in time to see
THE WHISKERWORM GO BY
huh. worm slime trails. neat.
tygra you came down here to follow that guy, are you...going to?
well i would but there's this oddly illuminated passage that's in the complete opposite direction :o
i gotta
i gotta go in there
no wait i want to go out
no wait i want to come back in
no wait
GOD DAMNIT TYGRA MAKE UP YOUR MIND
THE GARDENNNNN OF DELIIIIIIIGHTS
fruit grows on....string? is that a plant woman?
THAT TOTALLY IS A PLANT WOMAN WHAT THE
WHY DOES A PLANT HAVE A HUMAN HEAD
HEY TYYYYYGRAAAAAAAAAAAA
WANT SOME FRUUUUUUUUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
FRUIIIIIIIIIIT TYGRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
achoo
hahahahahhahahahhahahaha
okay by now i guess it's obvious, this plant woman is our Dealer Dujor. her name is Silky, and she puts tygra under some kind of suggestive spell i guess? it's not clearly explained. he just starts having trouble remembering what he was doing and why he's down here.
which is interesting since he hasn't had any fruit yet.
anyway i also peeked at some notes on this episode and silky was originally going to be some kind of horse woman! i can see why they didn't do that, horse furries are often terrifying. plant woman is much better.
I WAS
CATCHING FISH
IT WAS THIS TALL
BIG
I MEAN
UGH TIRED
IM OPENING FLOWERS AT YOU TYGRAAAAAAA
STOP CHASING WORMS AND EAT SOME FRUIT TYGRAAAAAA
oh god my head ow let me just sit down a minute
you're not like casting an evil spell on me or anything are you?
NOOOOOO TYGRAAAAAA
EAT MY FRUIT.
this shot is kinda interesting to me cause it's clearly just zoomed in on an animation cell that was meant to be part of the larger picture in the previous frame. i dunno, little bits of traditional animation like this always make me happy.
do you want a snack tygraaaaaaaaaaaa
have some fruit tygraaaaaaaaaa
god anything to make you stop saying my name
so tygra eats this mysterious silkyfruit
i dunno why, but i picture it tasting like mango.
this may be entirely because i have an anaphalactic reaction to ingesting mango so any kind of fantasy fruit automatically tastes like that wonderful thing i tasted ONE TIME before my throat began to close on me. fuck you body, i hate you too.
i feel like i'm sprouting leaves you guys
guys?
guys am i sprouting leaves?
tiger lillys in season
WHOA A HUGE BEAUTIFUL BIRD
HAHA OWCH OH GOD HAHAHA
so in case you missed the memo? tygra's tripping balls.
did i see that or just imagine it
i didn't know i sprouted purple flowers
you guys did you know :o plants have souls
silky just like god this is the worst part about my job
babysitting first timers while they babble about plants having souls right in front of me
SILKY IM FLYING
sure you are tygra
NO REALLY
WEEEEEEEE
CAW CAW
tygra sit down
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WOOOOOOOOOOOOSH
for the best mental image, picture tygra splayed out on his stomach in a cave doing this and giggling.
WEEEEEEEEEEEEE IM AN AIRPLANE NYRRRRRROOOOOOM
warning: silkyfruit may cause drowsiness
do not operate personal flight equipment under the influence of silkyfruit
is it just me or does cats lair seem to change location in every shot it's in? it was on some planes last time we saw it, now it's on some mountain or over some cliff or something...?
THIS IS THE BEST I WISH ALL MY FRIENDS WERE HERE WITH ME
IF ONLY I HAD SOME SORT OF CELLULAR PHONE TO CALL AND ANNOY THEM ON
WEEE BACKFLIPS IN THE SKY
again: picture tygra doing this lying on the floor of a cave
because that's where he really is
god damnit no don't make me watch the end of the land before time
ACTIONLINES!
FALLING!!!
tygra has some serious chinbutt. put some chinderwere on that thing, tygra.
I HOPE THOSE TREES ARE MADE OF FEATHERS
OH GOD THEYRE MADE OF BRANCHES AND LEAVES HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED
OW MY FACE
tygra's trip ends with him falling into his own body.
me, i would not continue to experiment with hallucinogens if my trip ended like this. just sayin'.
but then i've actually had hallcuinatory experiences when i had a really high fever and i've never enjoyed them so i guess i'm baised.
wow
ow
what the fuck, was that real?
it made my emblem go all derpy
>8u
oh damn it's half past six and i told liono i'd meet him for tennis
just kidding. he's got worm slime all over his hand.
which prompts him to go WHERE THERES SLIME THERES A WORM
so i guess he's still interested in finding the worm thing? i dunno, his motivations on this worm hunt seem pretty unclear. I GUESS HES JUST BORED.
slurm slurm don't chase me tygra slurm
credit where it's due, once he's done tripping balls tygra does get back to work.
HEY YOU'RE NOT A GIANT WORM
GOD DAMNIT I WAS SO CLOSE
wait this slime
i bet it will protect me from the fruit
tygra smears it all over his face
NOW I HAVE TWO HANDS!
what actually happened is silky asked if the fruit 'bit' him (????) and after some babbling and attempted resistance tygra just gives up and asks for more fruit.
i said it before, but i'll say it again? tygra seems to have some deeper issues that they never deal with. he pretty readily turns towards substance abuse to get his mind off things. maybe he's just got an addictive personality? anyway, the original tygra was pretty grounded and useful and helpful.
the new tygra is basicly animated series link. EXCUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS excluded, he just chases around cheetara making >:) faces and dumping on liono. also they established in ep 1 that he's a luddite and suddenly he's this super tech wizard now with cloaking devices and shit. WHICH IS IT, NEW THUNDERCATS? essentially he has no character beyond 'bullying older brother' in spite of them dumping backstory on him (YOU ARE THE SON OF A LOST TRIBE WHICH ARE NOW WEREWOLVES OR SOMETHING) which should have given him SOME kind of personality/introspection/insight/behavior change. but that's kind of a running trend with new thundercats. set up a scenario that would fundamentally change a person's world view, and then just blunder it.
blundercats.
IM GLAD YOU LIKE MY FRUIT TYGRA BECAUSE
YOU SEE I AM ACTUALLY
THE JOKER WITH A SEX CHANGE
wait no
MUMMMMMMM RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
i like mum-ra, he always looks so cheerful.
I CANT BELIEVE YOU TOTALLY ATE MY MAGIC ADDICTIVE FRUIT
MAN YOU THUNDERCATS ARE DUMB AS SHIT
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA
here you go
tygra who we can only assume is still seeing mum-ra as silky through a spell thanks "silky" and eats more fruit.
see, this is the mum-ra i know and love. comes up with sneaky underhanded plans to subvert the balance of power and plant spies and moles within the ranks of the thundercats.
as opposed to the new thundercats mumra who literally destroyed the source of fuel for his own army in an attempt to catch the thundercats. not like the writers thought that through and gave his military any kind of limitations afterwards, or had ANYONE comment on the fact that 'well now that there's no fuel for the army, mum-ra's troops will be severely hobbled."
such bad writing you guys
such bad writing
okay tygra here's the plan
you get me the sword of omens
and i will give you so much fruit you will be tripping balls from now until christmas
tygra's okay with this plan, and sets off.
i guess the effects of the silky fruit are kind of lasting? like even after the initial trip, he's a little loopy for a while if he's been eating it? makes sense to me. also is a lot more realistic than SUDDENLY THE EFFECTS WORE OFF, LIKE A LIGHTSWITCH BEING FLIPPED, I AM NOW SOBER. NO GRADUAL COMEDOWN NOPE NOPE NOPE
which is exactly how the potion wearing off went in new thundercats
JUST. SAYIN.
meanwhile, the rest of the thundercats are doing something useful by removing the quake debris.
god fucking damnit i love the original thundertank.
you would not believe how stupid the new one looks right now, either.
hey tygra, how'd the search go? you wanna help us clean up the debris?
ugh god no i gotta
i gotta lie down
mumblemumble fruit mumble silky mumble worms
panthro just watches on, decides not to take his friend for a medical check up in spite of his behavior resembling that of a stroke or concussion
wileykat has mind blowing facial hair for someone who's supposed to be like ten years old
must sneak out sword of omens for more fruitdrugs
must
psst sword of omens are you awake
aaaaaaaa i can't stand confrontation
mehehee weeeh weeh mommy
tygra? were you just running away holding your head and crying?
oh well i'm sure it's nothing.
did you know that the original liono is actually like only ten? well mentally. brief original thundercats plot dump here - they were refugees from their home planet thundara, travelling in a space ship. the mutants attacked them on the way, and so everyone had to climb into cryostaisis containers to survive while jauga continued to pilot towards the nearest habitable planet (third earth). jauga died piloting, the ship crashed.
liono had been a child when he went into his staisis pod but the thing malfunctioned and he woke up aged (no one else was). so he's basicly a kid in a grown man's body trying to lead the thundercats. in that capacity, his idiocy is generally forgivable and overall he does a pretty bang up job. born leader i'd even say :O
vs new liono who's just a whiny entitled idiot who keeps striking out with girls and even stoops to trying to slip them roofies, i am not even kidding.
meanwhile panthro lets wileykat drive the thundertank for uh
god knows what reason
god damnit wileykat really
okay now ease it into second gear
it's cute that he lets the cross-eyed kid drive the obscenely powerful death machine but
really?
okay you've driven us into a ditch
so put her in reverse
NO DONT COVER YOUR EYES I SAID REVERSE
REVERSE
nice job wileykat.
you know even though old wileykat's voice sounded like a 17 year old? i prefer it to the whiny stuffy nosed sounding new voice. or maybe it's that the new dialogue is like fourteen times more grating and obnoxious.
well now your legs are crushed
good job
liono and cheetara peer over the ledge all ARE YOU OKAY DOWN THERE
YOU WANT A ROPE OR SOMETHING
AIRCRAFT CABLE WOULD BE BETTER, BUT I THINK YOU GUYS SHOULD CHECK THIS CAVE OUT
IT'S PRETTY BANGIN
and so they do, and observe the worm slime. and...that's about it.
panthro comments that the tunnels 'go everywhere' but really that's all that goes on down here. i guess it's just a method of killing time while tygra goes through withdrawl in cat's lair.
GIANT SPIDER BITING MY FACE NAGNNGNGDS
GOTTA CHOKE THIS SPIDER
ITS KILLING ME
dreaming of pink floyd animation sequences or georgia o'keefe paintings
you decide
SILKY'S HEAD ON TYGRA'S BODY WHAT THE
AAAAAAAA THIS WAS THE WORST PART OF MY TRIP AAAAAA
AAAAAAA Oh god it was just a dream
gotta steal that sword
gotta get more fruit
that falling part of my trip was the best i can't wait to do it again
OH MY GOD HIS EYES ARE YELLOW
HE HAS JAUNDICE
panthro how is the thundertank going to get out of that pit?
BY BEING FUCKING BAD ASS THAT'S HOW.
thundertank says fuck your laws of physics
i'll climb a sheer cliff straight up
because i'm the fucking thundertank, bitches.
liono is really unimpressed, but at least cheetara says 'what a tank!'
daaaaaamn straight.
jesus christ tygra your eyes
gotta make sure nobody's following me while i run away with the sword of omens
weeeeeeee gonna get fruit
not one to mince plot points, we're teleported to mum-ra and the sword of omens. tygra is nowhere to be found at the moment.
but it's pretty safe to assume he's around here somewhere, since he gave mum-ra the sword
fun fact about the sword of omens! well, the origiinal. it won't respond to evil :O
:OOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
i told you, mum-ra. you're so evil, you get fanmail from cobra commander.
COULD THERE BE A THUNDERCAT AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE?
UH, ROAR?
god i hate their stupid emblem
stupid dumb emblem why do they get a stupid emblem
why don't i get a stupid emblem
mumra no please don't poop there
aw yeah lookin paunchy, lookin fly
HELP I SET MYSELF ABLAZE
after patting down the flames, mumra babbles something about how he totally can get the sword of omens to do what he wants, because nothing is without a 'taint of evil.'
what a very zen way of thinking about things mumra :o that means you must not be without a taint of good
take that carcophogus
you loser
OW IM JUST PULLING YOU OUT OF A CARCOPHOGUS
CHILL THE FUCK OUT SWORD OF OMENS
OW OW QUIT IT OW
HELP MY SWORD OF OMENS HAS GONE OUT OF CONTROL
mumra's solution to his inability to control the sword is simple. I NEED SOMEONE MORE POWERFUL
ME
HAHAHA
ANCIENT SPIRITS OF EEEEE-VIIIIIIIIL etc
*high pitched singer note*
well that was fun. anyway, let's get this sword evil!
plorp
really mumra? that's all you wanted to do? couldn't you have thrown it in there from the carcophogus?
th...thundercats ho??
bad reception in the black pyramid
sword of omens goes into standby mode to save power
just don't give it a firmware update, it might have trouble coming back.
there, now that i gave the sword of omens a bath in purple goop, i bet it'll be evil as shit.
tygra why were you in the carophogus?
did mumra lock you in there?
'tygra climb inside here, there's tons of fruit if you go inside'
'coooooool i'm down with thaaaaaaaaaaat siiiilkyyyyyyyy'
HEY TYGRA
HEADS UP
the sword of omens just LEAPS out of his hand and goes flying across the room.
even after a bath in evil purple goo, it refuses to respond to evil.
i liked this plot point. it was a good generic hero cartoon plot point. no matter what you do, the sword of omens will not become evil. it can't, because it's a symbol of all that is good and pure. i know that the new thundercats is trying (and failing) to be all GRIMDARK but it's really really stupid that the sword of omens can/will respond to evil in it when THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE ORIGINAL SWORD WAS THAT WHILE IT IS A GREAT SOURCE OF POWER IT IS A POWER ONLY FOR GOOD.
ugh and don't even get me started on that second sword they introduced in the new thundercats. the sword of "plundar." my god. such bad writing. so stupid.
eh guess i can't stab you
go wait in the carcophogus, i'll bring you some fruit later.
so mumra calls a little pow-wow for his mutant beastman buddies, telling them 'the game is won' because they have the sword.
you know it probably would be, too? because the real purpose served by removing the sword of omens was not to acquire the power for yourself but to remove the superior power of it from your enemies.
think of it in a military sense. if your enemy is constantly beating you by, say, flying drones? you don't need to have control of their technology to beat them - just take it away. if that was the only strategic difference between their success and your failure in battle, removing it should be enough to tip the balance of power in your favour. so if mum-ra just put the sword of omens in a box in his closet, he'd prettymuch have his battle against the thundercats in the bag.
instead he summons the b-squad to be all CHECK OUT MY SWEET SWORD OF OMENS BRA
damn mumra that is sweet
do you know how to use it?
OH TOTEZ and then mumra swung the sword of omens around and popped his inflatable couch
great
now where are we going to sit to play videogames
your pyramid doesn't exactly have a lot of comfortable furniture, mumra.
shut up okay i meant to do that
look what we need in order to use this sword is a pure and good soul
who will totally not betray us and help the good guys in spite of being good
so go give it to some warrior maiden or something
i like how pleased they all look at apeman's reaction to this news
this is the main reason they keep him around, i bet.
POCAHONTAS???
just kidding. it's willa, the warrior maiden. apparently there's human warrior maidens living on third earth! willa is their ...leader? lead warrior? i don't know, i don't remember much about them, so i imagine they didn't show up too often.
HERES A SWORD JOIN OUR SIDE
WHO THREW THAT SWORD AT ME
I'LL KILL YOU
i like willa
the bad guys, ladies and gentlemen.
anyway willa reaches down to pick up the sword and :O POOF! is teleported
huh okay
this is totally not the forest
give us a kiss
give you a stab in the nose
is that what you said because that's what i heard
so mumra creeps around willa for a while telling her things like YOU WILL NEVER FIND THE EXIT and JOIN ME AND WE WILL RULE THE GALAXY AS FATHER AND SON MUMMY AND WARRIOR MAIDEN
now give me back that sword because i totally didn't intend to give it for you for reals
willa isn't buying mumra's power trip deallyo and decides to look through the sword to see if anything makes any more sense
because when you eat a fruit to have visions of things that aren't there, it's bad. but when you look through the gaurd of a sword, that's fine.
while willa watches tygra steal the sword, she also hears mumra's voice in tygra's head being like GIVE ME THE SWORD GIVE IT TO MEEEE FOR FRUIIIIIIT
huh
it almost seems like this evil mummy guy's been up to no good or something
SO??? WHAT DID YOU SEE? :DDDDD I SAW YOU LOOKING THROUGH THAT SWORD
nothing. and you can't make me say otherwise.
EVEN IF I
ELECTROCUTE YOU?????
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP
you missed. i'm not sure how that even happened.
IM NOT WEARING ANY PAAAAANTS
okay mumra seriously
this sword is sort of shaped like a cross, will that hold back mummies?
please don't come near me
anyway, willa lies and tells mumra she saw herself as queen of the universe and totally is joining forces with him hahahaha??
for some reason he buys her extremely stilted and weirdly delivered dialogue. even for the original thundercats.
mumra's really not the most adept villain. but at least he isn't destroying his own army's supply lines
i wonder how many bugs fly into cat's lair's mouth every day
i would not like to be cat's lair
snarf is cleaning up tygra's room? i guess?
snarf really is the thundercats nanny. and he seems to be the first one to notice any problematic behavior with tygra, but people tend to ignore him. i guess he just fusses about stuff in general.
GOD THESE PEELS AND CORES ARE EVERYWHERE WHY IS TYGRA EATING THIS ONE KIND OF FRUIT AND ACTING SO WEIRD
okay snarf, now ooze forward. your beard should sweep up the mess.
panthro's nobody's fool, he can see immediately that there is a connection between these cores of fruit and tygra's weird behavior
and he is going to FIND OUT WHAT.
because he is the best thundercat
and he totally didn't need his arms chopped off and replaced with elastic robo-arms which the writers promptly forgot can be elastic robo-arms in the new thundercats JESUS CHRIST YOU GUYS ITS SUCH A BAD SHOW
why would you throw that at me
i just cleaned that spot
TYGRA
TYGRA ARE YOU OUT HERE GETTING HIGH
I DIDNT TELL LIONO BUT SNARF AND I THINK YOU MAY HAVE A PROBLEM
panthro you're not even looking at him
oh uh
heeeeeeey panthro
i'm just uuuuh enjoying a little snack
i'd offer but
this is my laaaaast one
i didn't alter that, that's the actual dialogue here.
tygra stare directly into my enormous chest and tell me you don't have a problem
i wonder about these fruits. did mumra create them? do they actually grow somewhere on third earth?
do the slake thirst or satiate hunger in any way?
cause if you eat way too much fruit without anything else in your diet you're gonna uh
have a shitty time
SURPRISE EXPLODING FLOWERS
it's unclear here if the arrow that shot into the flowers ACTUALLY explodes in a blinding flash, or if tygra's just tripping balls and the audience is seeing what he sees. his response to it is to go "oh wow, BEAUTIFUL!"
guys are my pecs on straight
arrows start shooting everywhere with ropes on them. panthro just >:|
TYGRA. GET. UP.
noooo i'm really peakiiiiing
i caaaaaan't
one of the arrows wraps a rope around tygra's arm and panthro just lets go.
man i really should get breakfast now that i'm thinking about it. it's like noon and i have a huge headache. eh. EHHHHHHHH
eh
ehhhhh how do i get
how do i get the rope off
it's all
it's all tangled
seriously panthro i can't
ehh how do i do iiiiiiit
the real dangers of drug use: you will not be able to untangle your arm from string at a most pressing time
panthro why are you swinging your nunchuks around i don't think they're an effective weapon against a hail of arrows
DUHU WHOOPS
IF ONLY I HAD COVERED MY BODY IN SOME SORT OF SHARP OBJECT TO CUT THESE ROPES WITH
LIKE SPIKES OR SOMETHING I DONT KNOW
refugees from 80s anime are here
tygra this really is all your fault, you know
tygra meanwhile just ohhh panthrooo the king of the vegetable kingdom is offering me tomato souuup
WILL CHEETARA SAVE THEM?
NOPE SORRY LIONO JUST RUNNING LAPS, GOTTA FINISH THIS UP FIRST
but cheetara :<
something that also did not need to be in the new thundercats: a fucking love triangle between lion, cheetara and tygra. such a bad show, you guys.
oh was this yours?
you want it back?
gonna jump for it?
neener neener neener
i got your sword and your buddy's trippin the light fantastic
nothin you can do neener neener
and then liono let out his classic opera house glass-shattering note
just kidding. he shouts that the sword of omens is missing and runs down the stairs.
it makes me wonder, why wouldn't he just always carry the sword with him? i mean, it's a generally hostile planet and there's forces that actively conspire to steal the sword. he does have a hilt for it. why not just always wear it? it'd be one thing if he was putting it away at night before bed, but he's just kinda left it in cat's lair unattended with the doors open this entire episode all
HUM DEEDUM
NOBODY WILL TAKE MY SWORD DURP
i mean other than the fact that tygra can walk inside cat's lair without arousing much suspicion, coudln't ANYONE have stolen it if the timing was right?
panthro is very disappointed in you, sword of omens. he's going to take this up with your parents.
HEY LIONO I THINK I SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETHING BEFORE YOU COME RUNNING OVER HERE
I'M KIND OF WORKING FOR MUMRA
cheetara like do you want me to fire the missiles or what
jackleman what's wrong
you look so ....bored?
i mean you have some lady threatening to stab panthro in the junk, you'd think that at the very least would interest you?
oh i guess i can complain more about new thundercats here. jackleman is now your token "TOOOOOTALLY CRAAAAAAAZY!!!!!" villain. he's like a lame joker ripoff that keeps licking his lips in ways that the writers obviously think are 'crazy' but more make him look like he just wants to have sex with everyone. seriously when they introduce him he's played up like he's hannibal lecter or something. it's just like ugh. ugh. no. keep him a bumbling villain henchman. that's what he is and that's what he should stay as.
the new show you guys. it's so bad.
STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT THE THUNDERCATS REBOOT AND GO LOCK THEM UP INSIDE CAT'S LAIR
THEIR OWN HEADQUARTERS
WHICH THE CERTAINLY WILL NOT KNOW HOW TO MANIPULATE TO BETTER THEIR ODDS
AND NO I WILL NOT PUT ON ANY PANTS
man did you see mumra out there
he must be getting really senile, no leotard or pants or anything under that robe. boy let me tell you i'm glad the wind didn't rustle those bandages much. last thing i want to see today is withered mummy dong.
although the script doesn't say it, presumably they're confused by the fact that mumra kept tygra with him and locked the rest of them up. also how the warrior maidens got the sword. everything, really. so panthro removes the emblem from his belt which it turns out he can REMOTE CONTROL :O
i'm telling you guys, panthro is the best thundercat. i am so mad they made him into comic relief in the new series.
i cast tenser's floating disc
woooooooosh out the window
it was hard to cap, but at this point tygra sort of 'wakes up' and does a couple real rapid looks around before looking mildly angry.
essentially he sobers up, realizes he's being used to hurt his fellow thundercats, and devises a plan. he's the only one not in shackles, and this gives him an advantage. but only as long as mumra thinks tygra's on his side.
so he asks mumra for more fruit??? :O oh no tygra don't do it
mumra basicly tells him to fuck off
WHY SHOULD I GIVE YOU FRUIT, YOUR USEFULNESS TO ME IS PRETTYMUCH DONE.
yeah but you know what would be really awesome mumra
if you killed liono
tygra what is this plan i am confused
and holy shit willa looks intense
mumra, always happy.
KILLING YOUR KING SOUNDS FUN
HAVE SOME FRUIT, KEEP TRIPPIN.
tygra pantomimes eating so that mumra thinks he's getting high but in fact he remains sober.
GOOD MORAL, BUT UNDERSTATED. willpower and self motivation are really two of the biggest factors in quitting drugs :o thank you, older thundercats episode.
jesus willa calm down i can't
oh god willa no
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
little do they all know they are being observed.
disc comes back to report its findings
gotta wear sunglasses to look at this cap, owch.
panthro i really like the red beret look on you. it's good, very understated.
oh no my hat fell off :<
i didn't cap it because why bother, but they watch what happened outside. presumably, they now understand the following.
1- tygra is being controlled with magic drugfruit by mumra
2- tygra has sobered up and is now faking control
3- tygra's convinced mumra to use willa and the sword to attempt an execution of liono
mumra you didn't have to set up this whole mock trial just to get to the execution order
it seems really self indulgant
remember how earlier mumra learned the sword just WON'T do evil things?
yeah well
mumra doesn't remember that
HEY MUMRA shouts tygra
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
mumra responds by revealing he still has no pants on. seriously mumra some swimtrunks, anything.
so ...willa was just playing along with mumra this whole time to find out how/why tygra gave the sword over to evil? shrewd warrior maiden.
i like that.
cheetara attempts to inflate like a pufferfish for battle
HEY LIONO CATCH
uhoh
you in for it now, mumra
THUNDERCATS
HOOOOOOOO
YOU DONE FUCKED UP MUMRA
yeah! so now they'll get super thundercats power and tear through their bonds!
or just untie eachother, sure i guess.
here's snarf with that gauntlet thing
and wileykit and wileykat with panthro and cheetara's weapons
wileykat
wileykat please the pelvic thrust victory dance in mumra's direction is really not necessary right now
FIGHT SCENE!
bitches gonna get a pole to the face
right everyone let's just admit it, we all had crushes on cheetara. let's jut accept this fact about ourselves and move on.
icarus who are you talking to
no one. just myself.
doh i jumped right between them i got confused
good job monkeyman
time to complain a little more about the new thundercats. they get into fights a lot, but they also get CREAMED a lot. it's really obnoxious, because they never really act HEROIC. they usually just run away and screw up and bungle around. watching monkeyman and jackleman nearly kill them (i mean shit, they DID kill liono in the new thundercats) was really just disappointing. i understand the writers THINK this is making the characters appear more relatable and the struggles more insurmountable? but the point is that THE THUNDERCATS ARE HEROS. THE THUNDERCATS ARE HEROIC. IF YOU CANT EVEN BEAT UP THE OCASSIONAL SECOND TIER BADDY WITHOUT RUNNING AWAY CRYING FOR ALLIES AND WEAPON UPGRADES, YOU ARE DOING A SHIT JOB OF BEING HEROIC. i don't watch thundercats so i can have DEEP EMOTIONAL FEELZ about cat people. i watch it so i can see some cat people beat up a bunch of jerkface mutants and then chuckle awkwardly to one another.
STOP FUCKING IT UP, THUNDERCATS REBOOT. SERIOUSLY.
excuse me
you're in my way
rude
SLARTH STOOOOOOOOOMP
WILLA
WILLA MOVE OR SOMETHING
oh no he moved her
why
what the
i thought doped you up on fruit why are you in this fight tygra? unfair!
BECAUSE USING DRUGS DOESNT ACTUALLY AFFECT YOUR PERFORMANCE ONCE YOU SOBER BACK UP THATS WHY SLARTH OOOOOOOH NOOOOOOOO ITS LIKE YOUR ENTIRE PLAN IS FALLING UNDER ITS OWN MISGUIDED MISINFORMATION JUST LIKE THE REAGAN ERA PUSH FOR ANTI DRUG EDUCATION
fuck this i'm out
didn't get the exact cap, but jackleman and monkeyman also warp out after slarth
jesus christ it really is withered
mumra how's that still attached, it's simoltaniously horrifying and amazing
thank you, i'm quite proud of the state my mummy dick is in and i will take your staring as a compliment
thank god for conveniently placed limbs
bzzzzzzzzzzzzzak
OW NO FAIR WHO SAID YOU GOT TO USE MAGIC
come at me bro
don't mind me, i just really like some of the spell animations
dramatic deflection
awwwwww whaaaaaaaat
maaaaaaan
weaaaaaaaaaaaak
YANA KANJIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII~
roar
or woof
or...something. my lips are crooked.
sorry for acting like a total dipstick back there, you guys.
nah it's cool, mumra tricked you and had you under a spell and stuff. it happens.
seriously that's about the extent of their conversation. why can't this be how all propaganda ends. "nah it's cool, it happens."
i bet if i poke myself in the shoulderblade with this claw, my back will deflate
wanna see?
snarf asks liono if he was actually scared when mumra had them all captured like that.
snarf, where were YOU at that time? or the kits for that matter? COWERING UNDER THE BED? some thundercats
liono says that in spite of knowing the sword of omens would not respond to an evil command, he was scared.
panthro thinks this is hilarious and just walks away laughing while everyone stares at him.
geez panthro
it wasn't that funny.
so there you go. the first thundercats propaganda, though the second one i posted. this one had subtler undertones relating to the drug (silky fruit) causing strife and danger for everyone, but in the end kind of had a more realistic solution to it in tygra just finding the willpower to stop on his own. part of me thinks this is because of how early in the series this was, because when you look at the era of propaganda between the 60s and 70s, it generally has the moral of "be careful" instead of "DRUGS ARE EVIL EVIL EVIL ANYONE WHO DOES THEM IS EVILLLLL"
naturally that all changed by season 3. but yeah.
TAKE THAT, NEW THUNDERCATS.
YOU THINK YOU CREATED AN EPISODE WITH HINTS ABOUT DRUG ABUSE?
FUCK YOU, YOU DIDN'T. IN FACT, INSTEAD, YOU HAD LIONO TRY TO DRUG A WOMAN INTO "LIKING" HIM. SO FUCK YOU. SOME HERO YOU'RE WRITING LIONO INTO, NEW THUNDERCATS.
I HOPE YOU GET CANCELLED AND BURIED AT SEA. WHERE NO ONE WILL EVER FIND YOUR HORRIBLE SCRIPTS EVER AGAIN.
let me talk to you a moment about a tv show i've been dutifully (and regretfully) watching. it's about to wrap up its second season.
this tv show is called "the new version of thundercats" and hey, i won't lie, the art design is really nice. the animation isn't too shabby i guess. the series started off with a LOT of promise. but then they did something stupid. they wouldn't meet the first episode writer's pay demands, and fired him, and hired some absolutely atrocious writers in his place. the series has been in a steady downward spiral since that point. it's almost painful to watch. the writers have no idea what they're doing. liono has a cathardic revelation that he must prove himself as king and stop being jealous of his brother about once every three episodes and never changes his behavior, in spite of this.
"blundercats" about sums it up, really.
the fact of the matter is that i wouldn't be writing this except for one thing: the new thundercats fandom? is quite active on twitter. and last week i watched them go biz-zonkers crying that this was the "best episode yet" and "taught the dangers of drugs" and how "deep" the show was. i was extremely skeptical. but i thought maybe the writers were throwing me a bone, here, and actually did a propaganda episode!
alas, this was not the case. it was just a lame throw-away side gag where tygra accidentally drinks a potion and goes all lovey dovey telling liono his feelings and picking flowers and cuddling catterpillers and shit. there were really no negative repercussions, no lecture, and it wasn't the focus of the episode at all. i found myself sitting there shouting
REALLY? REALLY NEW THUNDERCATS FANDOM? YOU THINK THIS IS PROPAGANDA?? REALLY?? REALLY. REALLY???
so i had to bust out my screencaps.
i know what you're thinking. "but icarus, you already did the thundercats propaganda episode!" I SURE DID. FOR SEASON THREE. the original thundercats had not one, but TWO propaganda episodes! and you know me. propaganda collection is my favourite hobby, next to drawing comics about emotionally crippled aliens.
join me, won't you?
usual disclaimer still applies. if you don't do drugs whatever i don't care. if you do drugs whatever i don't care. it's your choice. some are dangerous, some are not, but they are no more dangerous than alcohol or energy drinks in my considered opinion. if you can enjoy them responsibly there's no problem. my beef is not with cartoon companies in the 80s trying to keep kids away from drugs, it's the fucked up morals they instilled in the process (alienate drug users, offering no real solutions on how to get them help, magic solves everything, just say no, drug users are evil, drug dealers are monsterous inhuman beasts) that ultimately bred an era of cynicism where now you can't teach kids or adults ANYTHING about being safe about drug use without them just tuning out.
WHICH I PERSONALLY THINK CONTRIBUTES TO THE METH PROBLEM IN THE STATES TODAY BUT THAT'S A SOAP BOX FOR ANOTHER TIME. LET'S LOOK AT SOME FUCKING THUNDERCATS.
so here we are on third earth. that planet where nothing makes any fucking sense.
I AM A SNAKEBIRD WITH A VICIOUS CURVED BEAK BUT MY YOUNG EAT FLOWERS
CAW CAW
OH NO SNAKEBIRD'S TREE FELL DOWN A CLIFF CALL THE THUNDERCATS THIS IS TRAGIC
cat's lair
CATS LAIR CRUSHED UNDER A TREE HOHOHOOOOo
what's actually going on is there's a ton of mini earthquakes all over third earth. panthro and tygra have been monitoring this from cat's lair and can't really figure out why. i...guess their instruments are advanced enough to show it's not tectonic force?
panthro
thank you for last night
i mean it
now you will never see these two the same way again
you're welcome
anyway tygra walks awkwardly backwards out of the control room, saying he's going to investigate the source of the earthquakes.
panthro tells him to be careful and he replies "as a cat."
think of all the cats you know
this should not be a reassuring statement, to anyone.
lemme just turn on the backgrounds here
HELLO PUNY TYGRA
hello enormous sardonic screencapper
HOLD STILL PLEASE
okay, enormous sardonic screencapper
hahahahahaahaha man i can't believe you
fell for it
ooooh
anyway a miniquake causes him to fall down a crevace where he lands on a ledge.
you know what i learned in this episode? i learned that tygra is not just THE MAGICIAN~ but is actually the architect thundercat.
i dunno why, i find that kind of interesting. i guess he would design things and panthro was in charge of building them. which means his character actually had a job and area of expertise which means he's already twice as better characterised than the new thundercats version of tygra is.
AND THESE GUYS WERENT EXACTLY STELLAR CHARACTERIZATIONS THEMSELVES.
seriously, the new show is so bad right now. so, so bad.
if it gets renewed for another season i will honestly be shocked.
anyway, tygra climbs out of the crack in the ground.
you'd think he'd learn to avoid large portions of earth that are flat painted for animation ease but nope, he just runs right onto another one.
HELP A GIANT WHISKERWORM OH NO
third earth is a crazy inhospitable fucking planet
but i guess since the thundercats are kind of marooned there in the original series there's not much they can do about that fact
tygra honey no
don't feed it your whip
TYGRA WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU
well whose fault is this now tygra? you have only yourself to blame.
anyway the whiskerworm yanks him down into these huge underground passages.
ow. what did i do last night
i could use some hair of the keystone that bit me
the worm leaves some sort of slimey glittering trail. don't worry about it, it's really not important.
AND THEN A MOLE MAN POPPED OUT
uh hi mole men
are you the ones causing the earthqakes?
no? nothing?
guess not.
bye molemen?
tygra is weirdly delighted by the concept of molemen and shouts
MOLE LIKE PEOPLE :D
WILL THE WONDERS OF THIS PLACE CALLED THIRD EARTH NEVER CEASE?
THEN HE GETS A HUGE PILE OF DIRT DUMPED ON HIM FROM THE MOLE HOLE
HOW'S THAT FOR A WONDER OF THIRD EARTH, TYGRA
blarg help i'm a mighty thundercat
blaaaarg
you know tygra typically in nature
moles do not best tigers
anyway the moles tie him up and ask him if he knows anything about the quakes.
prettymuch all we learn from this encounter is two things.
1- the moles are not responsible for the quakes
2- there are mole people
neither of these are really important to the rest of the episode. WHATEVER WHO CARES WE DREW SOME MOLES IN EXECUTIONER HOODS WE'RE DONE.
you guys gonna untie me or...
no? okay then.
fortunately the walls of the cave are made out of RAZORBLADES and tygra is able to free himself just in time to see
THE WHISKERWORM GO BY
huh. worm slime trails. neat.
tygra you came down here to follow that guy, are you...going to?
well i would but there's this oddly illuminated passage that's in the complete opposite direction :o
i gotta
i gotta go in there
no wait i want to go out
no wait i want to come back in
no wait
GOD DAMNIT TYGRA MAKE UP YOUR MIND
THE GARDENNNNN OF DELIIIIIIIGHTS
fruit grows on....string? is that a plant woman?
THAT TOTALLY IS A PLANT WOMAN WHAT THE
WHY DOES A PLANT HAVE A HUMAN HEAD
HEY TYYYYYGRAAAAAAAAAAAA
WANT SOME FRUUUUUUUUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
FRUIIIIIIIIIIT TYGRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
achoo
hahahahahhahahahhahahaha
okay by now i guess it's obvious, this plant woman is our Dealer Dujor. her name is Silky, and she puts tygra under some kind of suggestive spell i guess? it's not clearly explained. he just starts having trouble remembering what he was doing and why he's down here.
which is interesting since he hasn't had any fruit yet.
anyway i also peeked at some notes on this episode and silky was originally going to be some kind of horse woman! i can see why they didn't do that, horse furries are often terrifying. plant woman is much better.
I WAS
CATCHING FISH
IT WAS THIS TALL
BIG
I MEAN
UGH TIRED
IM OPENING FLOWERS AT YOU TYGRAAAAAAA
STOP CHASING WORMS AND EAT SOME FRUIT TYGRAAAAAA
oh god my head ow let me just sit down a minute
you're not like casting an evil spell on me or anything are you?
NOOOOOO TYGRAAAAAA
EAT MY FRUIT.
this shot is kinda interesting to me cause it's clearly just zoomed in on an animation cell that was meant to be part of the larger picture in the previous frame. i dunno, little bits of traditional animation like this always make me happy.
do you want a snack tygraaaaaaaaaaaa
have some fruit tygraaaaaaaaaa
god anything to make you stop saying my name
so tygra eats this mysterious silkyfruit
i dunno why, but i picture it tasting like mango.
this may be entirely because i have an anaphalactic reaction to ingesting mango so any kind of fantasy fruit automatically tastes like that wonderful thing i tasted ONE TIME before my throat began to close on me. fuck you body, i hate you too.
i feel like i'm sprouting leaves you guys
guys?
guys am i sprouting leaves?
tiger lillys in season
WHOA A HUGE BEAUTIFUL BIRD
HAHA OWCH OH GOD HAHAHA
so in case you missed the memo? tygra's tripping balls.
did i see that or just imagine it
i didn't know i sprouted purple flowers
you guys did you know :o plants have souls
silky just like god this is the worst part about my job
babysitting first timers while they babble about plants having souls right in front of me
SILKY IM FLYING
sure you are tygra
NO REALLY
WEEEEEEEE
CAW CAW
tygra sit down
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WOOOOOOOOOOOOSH
for the best mental image, picture tygra splayed out on his stomach in a cave doing this and giggling.
WEEEEEEEEEEEEE IM AN AIRPLANE NYRRRRRROOOOOOM
warning: silkyfruit may cause drowsiness
do not operate personal flight equipment under the influence of silkyfruit
is it just me or does cats lair seem to change location in every shot it's in? it was on some planes last time we saw it, now it's on some mountain or over some cliff or something...?
THIS IS THE BEST I WISH ALL MY FRIENDS WERE HERE WITH ME
IF ONLY I HAD SOME SORT OF CELLULAR PHONE TO CALL AND ANNOY THEM ON
WEEE BACKFLIPS IN THE SKY
again: picture tygra doing this lying on the floor of a cave
because that's where he really is
god damnit no don't make me watch the end of the land before time
ACTIONLINES!
FALLING!!!
tygra has some serious chinbutt. put some chinderwere on that thing, tygra.
I HOPE THOSE TREES ARE MADE OF FEATHERS
OH GOD THEYRE MADE OF BRANCHES AND LEAVES HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED
OW MY FACE
tygra's trip ends with him falling into his own body.
me, i would not continue to experiment with hallucinogens if my trip ended like this. just sayin'.
but then i've actually had hallcuinatory experiences when i had a really high fever and i've never enjoyed them so i guess i'm baised.
wow
ow
what the fuck, was that real?
it made my emblem go all derpy
>8u
oh damn it's half past six and i told liono i'd meet him for tennis
just kidding. he's got worm slime all over his hand.
which prompts him to go WHERE THERES SLIME THERES A WORM
so i guess he's still interested in finding the worm thing? i dunno, his motivations on this worm hunt seem pretty unclear. I GUESS HES JUST BORED.
slurm slurm don't chase me tygra slurm
credit where it's due, once he's done tripping balls tygra does get back to work.
HEY YOU'RE NOT A GIANT WORM
GOD DAMNIT I WAS SO CLOSE
wait this slime
i bet it will protect me from the fruit
tygra smears it all over his face
NOW I HAVE TWO HANDS!
what actually happened is silky asked if the fruit 'bit' him (????) and after some babbling and attempted resistance tygra just gives up and asks for more fruit.
i said it before, but i'll say it again? tygra seems to have some deeper issues that they never deal with. he pretty readily turns towards substance abuse to get his mind off things. maybe he's just got an addictive personality? anyway, the original tygra was pretty grounded and useful and helpful.
the new tygra is basicly animated series link. EXCUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS excluded, he just chases around cheetara making >:) faces and dumping on liono. also they established in ep 1 that he's a luddite and suddenly he's this super tech wizard now with cloaking devices and shit. WHICH IS IT, NEW THUNDERCATS? essentially he has no character beyond 'bullying older brother' in spite of them dumping backstory on him (YOU ARE THE SON OF A LOST TRIBE WHICH ARE NOW WEREWOLVES OR SOMETHING) which should have given him SOME kind of personality/introspection/insight/behavior change. but that's kind of a running trend with new thundercats. set up a scenario that would fundamentally change a person's world view, and then just blunder it.
blundercats.
IM GLAD YOU LIKE MY FRUIT TYGRA BECAUSE
YOU SEE I AM ACTUALLY
THE JOKER WITH A SEX CHANGE
wait no
MUMMMMMMM RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
i like mum-ra, he always looks so cheerful.
I CANT BELIEVE YOU TOTALLY ATE MY MAGIC ADDICTIVE FRUIT
MAN YOU THUNDERCATS ARE DUMB AS SHIT
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA
here you go
tygra who we can only assume is still seeing mum-ra as silky through a spell thanks "silky" and eats more fruit.
see, this is the mum-ra i know and love. comes up with sneaky underhanded plans to subvert the balance of power and plant spies and moles within the ranks of the thundercats.
as opposed to the new thundercats mumra who literally destroyed the source of fuel for his own army in an attempt to catch the thundercats. not like the writers thought that through and gave his military any kind of limitations afterwards, or had ANYONE comment on the fact that 'well now that there's no fuel for the army, mum-ra's troops will be severely hobbled."
such bad writing you guys
such bad writing
okay tygra here's the plan
you get me the sword of omens
and i will give you so much fruit you will be tripping balls from now until christmas
tygra's okay with this plan, and sets off.
i guess the effects of the silky fruit are kind of lasting? like even after the initial trip, he's a little loopy for a while if he's been eating it? makes sense to me. also is a lot more realistic than SUDDENLY THE EFFECTS WORE OFF, LIKE A LIGHTSWITCH BEING FLIPPED, I AM NOW SOBER. NO GRADUAL COMEDOWN NOPE NOPE NOPE
which is exactly how the potion wearing off went in new thundercats
JUST. SAYIN.
meanwhile, the rest of the thundercats are doing something useful by removing the quake debris.
god fucking damnit i love the original thundertank.
you would not believe how stupid the new one looks right now, either.
hey tygra, how'd the search go? you wanna help us clean up the debris?
ugh god no i gotta
i gotta lie down
mumblemumble fruit mumble silky mumble worms
panthro just watches on, decides not to take his friend for a medical check up in spite of his behavior resembling that of a stroke or concussion
wileykat has mind blowing facial hair for someone who's supposed to be like ten years old
must sneak out sword of omens for more fruitdrugs
must
psst sword of omens are you awake
tygra, are you high?
aaaaaaaa i can't stand confrontation
mehehee weeeh weeh mommy
tygra? were you just running away holding your head and crying?
oh well i'm sure it's nothing.
did you know that the original liono is actually like only ten? well mentally. brief original thundercats plot dump here - they were refugees from their home planet thundara, travelling in a space ship. the mutants attacked them on the way, and so everyone had to climb into cryostaisis containers to survive while jauga continued to pilot towards the nearest habitable planet (third earth). jauga died piloting, the ship crashed.
liono had been a child when he went into his staisis pod but the thing malfunctioned and he woke up aged (no one else was). so he's basicly a kid in a grown man's body trying to lead the thundercats. in that capacity, his idiocy is generally forgivable and overall he does a pretty bang up job. born leader i'd even say :O
vs new liono who's just a whiny entitled idiot who keeps striking out with girls and even stoops to trying to slip them roofies, i am not even kidding.
meanwhile panthro lets wileykat drive the thundertank for uh
god knows what reason
god damnit wileykat really
okay now ease it into second gear
it's cute that he lets the cross-eyed kid drive the obscenely powerful death machine but
really?
okay you've driven us into a ditch
so put her in reverse
NO DONT COVER YOUR EYES I SAID REVERSE
REVERSE
nice job wileykat.
you know even though old wileykat's voice sounded like a 17 year old? i prefer it to the whiny stuffy nosed sounding new voice. or maybe it's that the new dialogue is like fourteen times more grating and obnoxious.
well now your legs are crushed
good job
liono and cheetara peer over the ledge all ARE YOU OKAY DOWN THERE
YOU WANT A ROPE OR SOMETHING
AIRCRAFT CABLE WOULD BE BETTER, BUT I THINK YOU GUYS SHOULD CHECK THIS CAVE OUT
IT'S PRETTY BANGIN
and so they do, and observe the worm slime. and...that's about it.
panthro comments that the tunnels 'go everywhere' but really that's all that goes on down here. i guess it's just a method of killing time while tygra goes through withdrawl in cat's lair.
GIANT SPIDER BITING MY FACE NAGNNGNGDS
GOTTA CHOKE THIS SPIDER
ITS KILLING ME
dreaming of pink floyd animation sequences or georgia o'keefe paintings
you decide
SILKY'S HEAD ON TYGRA'S BODY WHAT THE
AAAAAAAA THIS WAS THE WORST PART OF MY TRIP AAAAAA
AAAAAAA Oh god it was just a dream
gotta steal that sword
gotta get more fruit
that falling part of my trip was the best i can't wait to do it again
OH MY GOD HIS EYES ARE YELLOW
HE HAS JAUNDICE
panthro how is the thundertank going to get out of that pit?
BY BEING FUCKING BAD ASS THAT'S HOW.
thundertank says fuck your laws of physics
i'll climb a sheer cliff straight up
because i'm the fucking thundertank, bitches.
liono is really unimpressed, but at least cheetara says 'what a tank!'
daaaaaamn straight.
jesus christ tygra your eyes
gotta make sure nobody's following me while i run away with the sword of omens
weeeeeeee gonna get fruit
not one to mince plot points, we're teleported to mum-ra and the sword of omens. tygra is nowhere to be found at the moment.
but it's pretty safe to assume he's around here somewhere, since he gave mum-ra the sword
fun fact about the sword of omens! well, the origiinal. it won't respond to evil :O
:OOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
i told you, mum-ra. you're so evil, you get fanmail from cobra commander.
COULD THERE BE A THUNDERCAT AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE?
UH, ROAR?
god i hate their stupid emblem
stupid dumb emblem why do they get a stupid emblem
why don't i get a stupid emblem
mumra no please don't poop there
aw yeah lookin paunchy, lookin fly
HELP I SET MYSELF ABLAZE
after patting down the flames, mumra babbles something about how he totally can get the sword of omens to do what he wants, because nothing is without a 'taint of evil.'
what a very zen way of thinking about things mumra :o that means you must not be without a taint of good
take that carcophogus
you loser
OW IM JUST PULLING YOU OUT OF A CARCOPHOGUS
CHILL THE FUCK OUT SWORD OF OMENS
OW OW QUIT IT OW
HELP MY SWORD OF OMENS HAS GONE OUT OF CONTROL
mumra's solution to his inability to control the sword is simple. I NEED SOMEONE MORE POWERFUL
ME
HAHAHA
ANCIENT SPIRITS OF EEEEE-VIIIIIIIIL etc
*high pitched singer note*
well that was fun. anyway, let's get this sword evil!
plorp
really mumra? that's all you wanted to do? couldn't you have thrown it in there from the carcophogus?
th...thundercats ho??
bad reception in the black pyramid
sword of omens goes into standby mode to save power
just don't give it a firmware update, it might have trouble coming back.
there, now that i gave the sword of omens a bath in purple goop, i bet it'll be evil as shit.
tygra why were you in the carophogus?
did mumra lock you in there?
'tygra climb inside here, there's tons of fruit if you go inside'
'coooooool i'm down with thaaaaaaaaaaat siiiilkyyyyyyyy'
HEY TYGRA
HEADS UP
the sword of omens just LEAPS out of his hand and goes flying across the room.
even after a bath in evil purple goo, it refuses to respond to evil.
i liked this plot point. it was a good generic hero cartoon plot point. no matter what you do, the sword of omens will not become evil. it can't, because it's a symbol of all that is good and pure. i know that the new thundercats is trying (and failing) to be all GRIMDARK but it's really really stupid that the sword of omens can/will respond to evil in it when THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE ORIGINAL SWORD WAS THAT WHILE IT IS A GREAT SOURCE OF POWER IT IS A POWER ONLY FOR GOOD.
ugh and don't even get me started on that second sword they introduced in the new thundercats. the sword of "plundar." my god. such bad writing. so stupid.
eh guess i can't stab you
go wait in the carcophogus, i'll bring you some fruit later.
so mumra calls a little pow-wow for his mutant beastman buddies, telling them 'the game is won' because they have the sword.
you know it probably would be, too? because the real purpose served by removing the sword of omens was not to acquire the power for yourself but to remove the superior power of it from your enemies.
think of it in a military sense. if your enemy is constantly beating you by, say, flying drones? you don't need to have control of their technology to beat them - just take it away. if that was the only strategic difference between their success and your failure in battle, removing it should be enough to tip the balance of power in your favour. so if mum-ra just put the sword of omens in a box in his closet, he'd prettymuch have his battle against the thundercats in the bag.
instead he summons the b-squad to be all CHECK OUT MY SWEET SWORD OF OMENS BRA
damn mumra that is sweet
do you know how to use it?
OH TOTEZ and then mumra swung the sword of omens around and popped his inflatable couch
great
now where are we going to sit to play videogames
your pyramid doesn't exactly have a lot of comfortable furniture, mumra.
shut up okay i meant to do that
look what we need in order to use this sword is a pure and good soul
who will totally not betray us and help the good guys in spite of being good
so go give it to some warrior maiden or something
i like how pleased they all look at apeman's reaction to this news
this is the main reason they keep him around, i bet.
POCAHONTAS???
just kidding. it's willa, the warrior maiden. apparently there's human warrior maidens living on third earth! willa is their ...leader? lead warrior? i don't know, i don't remember much about them, so i imagine they didn't show up too often.
HERES A SWORD JOIN OUR SIDE
WHO THREW THAT SWORD AT ME
I'LL KILL YOU
i like willa
the bad guys, ladies and gentlemen.
anyway willa reaches down to pick up the sword and :O POOF! is teleported
huh okay
this is totally not the forest
give us a kiss
give you a stab in the nose
is that what you said because that's what i heard
so mumra creeps around willa for a while telling her things like YOU WILL NEVER FIND THE EXIT and JOIN ME AND WE WILL RULE THE GALAXY AS
now give me back that sword because i totally didn't intend to give it for you for reals
willa isn't buying mumra's power trip deallyo and decides to look through the sword to see if anything makes any more sense
because when you eat a fruit to have visions of things that aren't there, it's bad. but when you look through the gaurd of a sword, that's fine.
while willa watches tygra steal the sword, she also hears mumra's voice in tygra's head being like GIVE ME THE SWORD GIVE IT TO MEEEE FOR FRUIIIIIIT
huh
it almost seems like this evil mummy guy's been up to no good or something
SO??? WHAT DID YOU SEE? :DDDDD I SAW YOU LOOKING THROUGH THAT SWORD
nothing. and you can't make me say otherwise.
EVEN IF I
ELECTROCUTE YOU?????
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP
you missed. i'm not sure how that even happened.
IM NOT WEARING ANY PAAAAANTS
okay mumra seriously
this sword is sort of shaped like a cross, will that hold back mummies?
please don't come near me
anyway, willa lies and tells mumra she saw herself as queen of the universe and totally is joining forces with him hahahaha??
for some reason he buys her extremely stilted and weirdly delivered dialogue. even for the original thundercats.
mumra's really not the most adept villain. but at least he isn't destroying his own army's supply lines
i wonder how many bugs fly into cat's lair's mouth every day
i would not like to be cat's lair
snarf is cleaning up tygra's room? i guess?
snarf really is the thundercats nanny. and he seems to be the first one to notice any problematic behavior with tygra, but people tend to ignore him. i guess he just fusses about stuff in general.
GOD THESE PEELS AND CORES ARE EVERYWHERE WHY IS TYGRA EATING THIS ONE KIND OF FRUIT AND ACTING SO WEIRD
okay snarf, now ooze forward. your beard should sweep up the mess.
panthro's nobody's fool, he can see immediately that there is a connection between these cores of fruit and tygra's weird behavior
and he is going to FIND OUT WHAT.
because he is the best thundercat
and he totally didn't need his arms chopped off and replaced with elastic robo-arms which the writers promptly forgot can be elastic robo-arms in the new thundercats JESUS CHRIST YOU GUYS ITS SUCH A BAD SHOW
why would you throw that at me
i just cleaned that spot
TYGRA
TYGRA ARE YOU OUT HERE GETTING HIGH
I DIDNT TELL LIONO BUT SNARF AND I THINK YOU MAY HAVE A PROBLEM
panthro you're not even looking at him
oh uh
heeeeeeey panthro
i'm just uuuuh enjoying a little snack
i'd offer but
this is my laaaaast one
i didn't alter that, that's the actual dialogue here.
tygra stare directly into my enormous chest and tell me you don't have a problem
i wonder about these fruits. did mumra create them? do they actually grow somewhere on third earth?
do the slake thirst or satiate hunger in any way?
cause if you eat way too much fruit without anything else in your diet you're gonna uh
have a shitty time
SURPRISE EXPLODING FLOWERS
it's unclear here if the arrow that shot into the flowers ACTUALLY explodes in a blinding flash, or if tygra's just tripping balls and the audience is seeing what he sees. his response to it is to go "oh wow, BEAUTIFUL!"
guys are my pecs on straight
arrows start shooting everywhere with ropes on them. panthro just >:|
TYGRA. GET. UP.
noooo i'm really peakiiiiing
i caaaaaan't
one of the arrows wraps a rope around tygra's arm and panthro just lets go.
man i really should get breakfast now that i'm thinking about it. it's like noon and i have a huge headache. eh. EHHHHHHHH
eh
ehhhhh how do i get
how do i get the rope off
it's all
it's all tangled
seriously panthro i can't
ehh how do i do iiiiiiit
the real dangers of drug use: you will not be able to untangle your arm from string at a most pressing time
panthro why are you swinging your nunchuks around i don't think they're an effective weapon against a hail of arrows
DUHU WHOOPS
IF ONLY I HAD COVERED MY BODY IN SOME SORT OF SHARP OBJECT TO CUT THESE ROPES WITH
LIKE SPIKES OR SOMETHING I DONT KNOW
refugees from 80s anime are here
tygra this really is all your fault, you know
tygra meanwhile just ohhh panthrooo the king of the vegetable kingdom is offering me tomato souuup
WILL CHEETARA SAVE THEM?
NOPE SORRY LIONO JUST RUNNING LAPS, GOTTA FINISH THIS UP FIRST
but cheetara :<
something that also did not need to be in the new thundercats: a fucking love triangle between lion, cheetara and tygra. such a bad show, you guys.
oh was this yours?
you want it back?
gonna jump for it?
neener neener neener
i got your sword and your buddy's trippin the light fantastic
nothin you can do neener neener
and then liono let out his classic opera house glass-shattering note
just kidding. he shouts that the sword of omens is missing and runs down the stairs.
it makes me wonder, why wouldn't he just always carry the sword with him? i mean, it's a generally hostile planet and there's forces that actively conspire to steal the sword. he does have a hilt for it. why not just always wear it? it'd be one thing if he was putting it away at night before bed, but he's just kinda left it in cat's lair unattended with the doors open this entire episode all
HUM DEEDUM
NOBODY WILL TAKE MY SWORD DURP
i mean other than the fact that tygra can walk inside cat's lair without arousing much suspicion, coudln't ANYONE have stolen it if the timing was right?
panthro is very disappointed in you, sword of omens. he's going to take this up with your parents.
HEY LIONO I THINK I SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETHING BEFORE YOU COME RUNNING OVER HERE
I'M KIND OF WORKING FOR MUMRA
cheetara like do you want me to fire the missiles or what
jackleman what's wrong
you look so ....bored?
i mean you have some lady threatening to stab panthro in the junk, you'd think that at the very least would interest you?
oh i guess i can complain more about new thundercats here. jackleman is now your token "TOOOOOTALLY CRAAAAAAAZY!!!!!" villain. he's like a lame joker ripoff that keeps licking his lips in ways that the writers obviously think are 'crazy' but more make him look like he just wants to have sex with everyone. seriously when they introduce him he's played up like he's hannibal lecter or something. it's just like ugh. ugh. no. keep him a bumbling villain henchman. that's what he is and that's what he should stay as.
the new show you guys. it's so bad.
STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT THE THUNDERCATS REBOOT AND GO LOCK THEM UP INSIDE CAT'S LAIR
THEIR OWN HEADQUARTERS
WHICH THE CERTAINLY WILL NOT KNOW HOW TO MANIPULATE TO BETTER THEIR ODDS
AND NO I WILL NOT PUT ON ANY PANTS
man did you see mumra out there
he must be getting really senile, no leotard or pants or anything under that robe. boy let me tell you i'm glad the wind didn't rustle those bandages much. last thing i want to see today is withered mummy dong.
although the script doesn't say it, presumably they're confused by the fact that mumra kept tygra with him and locked the rest of them up. also how the warrior maidens got the sword. everything, really. so panthro removes the emblem from his belt which it turns out he can REMOTE CONTROL :O
i'm telling you guys, panthro is the best thundercat. i am so mad they made him into comic relief in the new series.
i cast tenser's floating disc
woooooooosh out the window
it was hard to cap, but at this point tygra sort of 'wakes up' and does a couple real rapid looks around before looking mildly angry.
essentially he sobers up, realizes he's being used to hurt his fellow thundercats, and devises a plan. he's the only one not in shackles, and this gives him an advantage. but only as long as mumra thinks tygra's on his side.
so he asks mumra for more fruit??? :O oh no tygra don't do it
mumra basicly tells him to fuck off
WHY SHOULD I GIVE YOU FRUIT, YOUR USEFULNESS TO ME IS PRETTYMUCH DONE.
yeah but you know what would be really awesome mumra
if you killed liono
tygra what is this plan i am confused
and holy shit willa looks intense
mumra, always happy.
KILLING YOUR KING SOUNDS FUN
HAVE SOME FRUIT, KEEP TRIPPIN.
tygra pantomimes eating so that mumra thinks he's getting high but in fact he remains sober.
GOOD MORAL, BUT UNDERSTATED. willpower and self motivation are really two of the biggest factors in quitting drugs :o thank you, older thundercats episode.
jesus willa calm down i can't
oh god willa no
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
little do they all know they are being observed.
disc comes back to report its findings
gotta wear sunglasses to look at this cap, owch.
panthro i really like the red beret look on you. it's good, very understated.
oh no my hat fell off :<
i didn't cap it because why bother, but they watch what happened outside. presumably, they now understand the following.
1- tygra is being controlled with magic drugfruit by mumra
2- tygra has sobered up and is now faking control
3- tygra's convinced mumra to use willa and the sword to attempt an execution of liono
mumra you didn't have to set up this whole mock trial just to get to the execution order
it seems really self indulgant
remember how earlier mumra learned the sword just WON'T do evil things?
yeah well
mumra doesn't remember that
HEY MUMRA shouts tygra
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
mumra responds by revealing he still has no pants on. seriously mumra some swimtrunks, anything.
so ...willa was just playing along with mumra this whole time to find out how/why tygra gave the sword over to evil? shrewd warrior maiden.
i like that.
cheetara attempts to inflate like a pufferfish for battle
HEY LIONO CATCH
uhoh
you in for it now, mumra
THUNDERCATS
HOOOOOOOO
YOU DONE FUCKED UP MUMRA
yeah! so now they'll get super thundercats power and tear through their bonds!
or just untie eachother, sure i guess.
here's snarf with that gauntlet thing
and wileykit and wileykat with panthro and cheetara's weapons
wileykat
wileykat please the pelvic thrust victory dance in mumra's direction is really not necessary right now
FIGHT SCENE!
bitches gonna get a pole to the face
right everyone let's just admit it, we all had crushes on cheetara. let's jut accept this fact about ourselves and move on.
icarus who are you talking to
no one. just myself.
doh i jumped right between them i got confused
good job monkeyman
time to complain a little more about the new thundercats. they get into fights a lot, but they also get CREAMED a lot. it's really obnoxious, because they never really act HEROIC. they usually just run away and screw up and bungle around. watching monkeyman and jackleman nearly kill them (i mean shit, they DID kill liono in the new thundercats) was really just disappointing. i understand the writers THINK this is making the characters appear more relatable and the struggles more insurmountable? but the point is that THE THUNDERCATS ARE HEROS. THE THUNDERCATS ARE HEROIC. IF YOU CANT EVEN BEAT UP THE OCASSIONAL SECOND TIER BADDY WITHOUT RUNNING AWAY CRYING FOR ALLIES AND WEAPON UPGRADES, YOU ARE DOING A SHIT JOB OF BEING HEROIC. i don't watch thundercats so i can have DEEP EMOTIONAL FEELZ about cat people. i watch it so i can see some cat people beat up a bunch of jerkface mutants and then chuckle awkwardly to one another.
STOP FUCKING IT UP, THUNDERCATS REBOOT. SERIOUSLY.
excuse me
you're in my way
rude
SLARTH STOOOOOOOOOMP
WILLA
WILLA MOVE OR SOMETHING
oh no he moved her
why
what the
i thought doped you up on fruit why are you in this fight tygra? unfair!
BECAUSE USING DRUGS DOESNT ACTUALLY AFFECT YOUR PERFORMANCE ONCE YOU SOBER BACK UP THATS WHY SLARTH OOOOOOOH NOOOOOOOO ITS LIKE YOUR ENTIRE PLAN IS FALLING UNDER ITS OWN MISGUIDED MISINFORMATION JUST LIKE THE REAGAN ERA PUSH FOR ANTI DRUG EDUCATION
fuck this i'm out
didn't get the exact cap, but jackleman and monkeyman also warp out after slarth
jesus christ it really is withered
mumra how's that still attached, it's simoltaniously horrifying and amazing
thank you, i'm quite proud of the state my mummy dick is in and i will take your staring as a compliment
thank god for conveniently placed limbs
bzzzzzzzzzzzzzak
OW NO FAIR WHO SAID YOU GOT TO USE MAGIC
come at me bro
don't mind me, i just really like some of the spell animations
dramatic deflection
awwwwww whaaaaaaaat
maaaaaaan
weaaaaaaaaaaaak
YANA KANJIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII~
roar
or woof
or...something. my lips are crooked.
sorry for acting like a total dipstick back there, you guys.
nah it's cool, mumra tricked you and had you under a spell and stuff. it happens.
seriously that's about the extent of their conversation. why can't this be how all propaganda ends. "nah it's cool, it happens."
i bet if i poke myself in the shoulderblade with this claw, my back will deflate
wanna see?
snarf asks liono if he was actually scared when mumra had them all captured like that.
snarf, where were YOU at that time? or the kits for that matter? COWERING UNDER THE BED? some thundercats
liono says that in spite of knowing the sword of omens would not respond to an evil command, he was scared.
panthro thinks this is hilarious and just walks away laughing while everyone stares at him.
geez panthro
it wasn't that funny.
so there you go. the first thundercats propaganda, though the second one i posted. this one had subtler undertones relating to the drug (silky fruit) causing strife and danger for everyone, but in the end kind of had a more realistic solution to it in tygra just finding the willpower to stop on his own. part of me thinks this is because of how early in the series this was, because when you look at the era of propaganda between the 60s and 70s, it generally has the moral of "be careful" instead of "DRUGS ARE EVIL EVIL EVIL ANYONE WHO DOES THEM IS EVILLLLL"
naturally that all changed by season 3. but yeah.
TAKE THAT, NEW THUNDERCATS.
YOU THINK YOU CREATED AN EPISODE WITH HINTS ABOUT DRUG ABUSE?
FUCK YOU, YOU DIDN'T. IN FACT, INSTEAD, YOU HAD LIONO TRY TO DRUG A WOMAN INTO "LIKING" HIM. SO FUCK YOU. SOME HERO YOU'RE WRITING LIONO INTO, NEW THUNDERCATS.
I HOPE YOU GET CANCELLED AND BURIED AT SEA. WHERE NO ONE WILL EVER FIND YOUR HORRIBLE SCRIPTS EVER AGAIN.
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