he's trapped. in the PHANTOM ZONE
Jul. 13th, 2012 07:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
not_funi haven't done one of these in a month or so and i need a break from making comics. it's time for a PROPAGANDA POST!
much like toons today, in the 80s toons were also subject to ill concieved network or studio revivals. but for some reason, they thought making all the characters younger would make them more appealing to kids. this kind of thinking spawned some good things (tiny toons, muppet babies) but mostly just churned out turds.
hanna barabara, bastion of cheap animation techniques and recycled frames, had two of the turdiest turds of them all. one was "a pup named scooby doo" that, while horrible, was one of my favourite cartoons as a kid. another was "the flintstone kids". both had propaganda episodes.
and while the scooby doo one is great and has a skateboarding headless ghost who goes "OH DUUUUUUUDES" in a surfer accent? it doesn't have a rewrite of a michael jackson song or a hideous alien snakewoman. so that's not the one i've screencapped.
i don't know what's so fucking special about this. michael jackson doesn't actually sing the song or play the music, and the horrible snakewoman from beyond the right wing is clearly a puppet. the episode runs the standard half hour and, to my knowledge, it didn't air out of its normal time slot. what makes you so special, flinstones propaganda?
before we begin, the usual disclaimer: this post is just to make fun of terrible 80s toons that used terrible tactics to "educate" kids about drugs. my stance on drugs is That's Your Business. if you're straight edge, GREAT! you rock! if you're not GREAT! you probably also rock! you must, you're reading this blog after all. it's your body and it wouldn't be my place to judge what you do with it or to it. because i'm not you.
we good? right. BEDROCK.
the episode opens with freddy's parents unpacking the trunk of their car.
or shoving eachother into the trunk, one or the other
freddy and dino have just returned from comiccon in their hunter s. thompson cosplays
resting a giant stone box on the back of a constantly moving wheel is a terrible design. no wonder this society went extinct.
it might be worth noting early on that, like a pup named scooby doo, the flinstone kids essentially inverted a timeline for no reason. as adults they live in a bedrock modeled after the early 1960s. but as children, it's 1990s bedrock. because ITS JUST CARTOONS WHO CARES
i'll give it to dino, he's a talented suitcase surfer.
can't have fred without barney. barney provides the writers a convenient excuse to explain fred's horrifying outfit. he's just come back from visiting family in "hollyrock."
..."hollyrock."
fred you know barney has strong feelings about white shorts after labor day
what were you thinking
wilma and Fido the Token Black Kid show up carrying the ten commandments. props for trying to make your cast more ethnicly diverse, hanna barbara. but this raises too many questions about where fido went when the characters "grew up"
i mean like did a t-rex eat him or something?
oh my bad it's not the ten commandments it's a flyer for MICHAEL JACK.STONE. in concert
because a society that has mastered written language, permanant architecture, currency and transportation has not yet invented paper
BUT MICHAEL JACKSTONE YOU GUYS OMG!!
the mere mention of MJ kills wilma. dino is weirdly happy about it.
freddy don't blame her death on the flyer
even though the rock does appear to be crushing her to death
anyway they all decide that wilma will be able to help them come up with a plan to earn money to buy concert tickets and run off.
apparently wilma's been hanging out at some other kid's house while her friends were on vacation
some other kid named "stoney"
GUESS WHAT STONEY DOES GUYS
if you guessed DRESS WILMA IN A HORRIBLE OUTFIT you'd be CORRECT
u like wat u see fred
anyway wilma leads them around back where they look shocked at litearlly everything that goes on.
i mean it, this is prettymuch their reaction to everything from "my other friends gave me a nickname" to "i already have tickets to the concert"
stoney's not actually home, either. it's just some random asian girl (dotti) and two random dudes. they're supposed to be older than the flinstone kids, but it's never made clear how MUCH older.
YOU MADE NEW FRIENDS WHILE WE WERE ALL OUT OF TOWN HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED
wilma explains that this group of kids is also a team that competes at the yearly 'riddle ralley' and are three year reigning champs. this year the prize is tickets to the concert, so wilma will be running on stoney's team.
this also for some reason means IT'S IMPOSSIBLE for her to help them come up with ideas on how to make money to buy tickets
the other flintstone kids come up with their own idea on the spot (a petwashing business) and head off to start it. wilma tries to follow them but dotti actually restrains her.
i don't understand why, it's not like she'd be incapable of having two groups of friends. even if she went to help them make their pet thing she'd be back in a few hours. THIS SHOULDNT EVEN BE A SOURCE OF CONFLICT
as the f-kids head back to wherever the fuck, they all stop and talk about wilma as if they're never going to see her again for. some reason. dino even bursts into tears. you guys could just call and schedule a playdate you know
oh well fuck those guys HEY LET'S ALL MEET STONEY
doesn't he look like a go-getter
WHAM right into a tree
stoney totally whiffs punching the tree
and seems fascinated by the fact that he has a palm
this is the sober sort of upstanding chap the youth of bedrock needs, yes sir.
"STOP THE MUSIC. I'M BACK." <- actual line
ladies love stoney
the other two kids in stoney's crew are curious about a "surprise" stoney's been hinting at bringing today.
can YOU guess the surprise? :D
this guy has two lines, the entire show. "Uh, yup." and "Uh, nope."
memorable.
stoney invites everyone into the garage for the big reveal of his surprise
and then promptly turns into mr. magoo with a sex change and a wig
just kidding. he couldn't get the door open.
wilma reminds him to push and not pull and in they go
you may notice stoney has some uh. interesting poses. all of his movements are really floppy and unnatural. because he's ON DRUGS. HE JUST SPINS AROUND RANDOMLY WHEN HE WALKS, NO SOBER PERSON DOES THAT!
well, our friend is acting weird and not like himself at all
better follow him into the garage
aright so what the fuck is this surprise
it's that i've mastered hover-sitting
see?
WOOPS I FELL DOWN
is it possible to be so stoned you miss your chair? i mean i know it's possible to be so drunk you miss your chair, but stoned?
that guy on the left knows what's up and HE DOESNT LIKE IT
hahahahaha
dear lord you look like a chimpanzee
congratulations on being the first caveman in bedrock to look remotely like a caveman, stoney.
TADAAAAAAA HAVE A JOINT, READER
TOUCH ITTTTTTTTTTT
why don't any of you want to touch it it's just a joint
you won't get high from just touching it
the other kids immediately get to being terrified. one kid identifies it as marijuana (how do you know, kid? :O) another points out it's a drug. another says that if you smoke those you get REALLY MESSED UP D:
pfff please they won't hurt you at all
says stoney as he leans against this stick
stoney actually says he's smoked a few of these already. now i'm no toxicology technician, but i am pretty god damn sure that smoking "a few" joints is fucking excessive. i mean normally you just pass one around and share it with several people, right??
woops missed the stick
my name is mr. terrapin station
smoke this joint wilma
heeeeey wait that's not a joint it's a razorclam!
3 o'clock? i have a flimsy excuse scheduled for 3 o'clock!
LEFT A CAKE IN THE DENTIST GOTTA GO
stoney wonders rightly how a sundial timepiece would work inside a garage
ILL TOTALLY DO DRUGS WITH YOU SOME OTHER NEVER
TOTALLY
why is the garage door child-sized
NO EXCUSES NEXT TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
if it's one thing i regret about poor quality versions of my propaganda? it's the loss of little details like stoney's bloodshot eyes. :<
whew that was close. i was in the same room as drugs for like TWO WHOLE MINUTES i can't believe i'm not addicted yet
anyway, the other flintstone kids are building their petwashing wagon.
wait how do you kids know how to build that thing? are you certified mechanics by bedrock standards? if not you SHOULD be, you're using the same exact technology wtf
what if they won't be friends with you anymore because you were in the same room as drugs wilma
what then
well dino's still fine with you anyway
hey wilma i caught a small ghost
woOOoooOooo
maybe i was better off at stoney's house
anyway wilma tells the other kids she needs to talk to them in private about something REALLY SECRET
to wilma's credit, i wouldn't want to talk about drugs on the sidewalk either. seems like just a bad place to have that conversation.
so they go in a room, lock the door, shut the curtains, and wilma tells them that stoney showed up with pot
MY GOD YOU DIDN'T TOUCH IT DID YOU???
dino is not licking freddy's leg here, in spite of how it looks. he's just blowing a razberry.
this whole 'dog blows a razberry at drugs' thing got used a lot in the A Pup Named Scooby Doo propaganda. from what i remember every time someone said 'drugs' scooby would shout DRUGS? PETOOIE. YICK.
the irony was sublime.
anyway the other kids convince wilma to talk to her parents, because they all agree they're too inexperienced to know what to do in this situation. smart friends! wilma does just that.
and after telling her parents that she was in the same room as drugs but didn't take any, flinches and covers her face as if expecting to be hit.
uhm.
okay, so wilma's home life was horrible i guess.
wilma's italian racecar driver of a father tells her she's not in trouble, but the best thing to do if your friends are on drugs is COMPLETELY ABANDON THEM, THEYRE SCUM AND WILL GET IN TROUBLE. FIND NEW FRIENDS.
this is actually how a lot of parents reacted if their kids said "my friend uses drugs." it is a kneejerk and stupid reaction. especially if your kid is like nine? you kind of have a larger social obligation than going "SHUN THE USER, IGNORE THE PROBLEM!" i'm not sure what you SHOULD do, but i imagine talking to the kid on drugs would be a good first step. find out what they're into and how much and if you can why...if you genuinely think they're a bad influence you can deal with your kid later but what if it's because the kid using has problems at home? maybe they NEED HELP and don't know how to get it. THEY ARE CHILDREN, AFTER ALL.
sorry. my usual soapbox stance.
drugs are bad
but letting our child play with a kitten of a giant feral land predator which will surely outgrow her and probably eat her is fine
so anyway, wilma heads back to stoney's house to confront them again over this whole drug issue.
we learn that the other kids also said no that day, deciding to try it when wilma showed back up
this is just like in the tiny toons propaganda. if none of you want to try it just don't try it this isn't rocket science. obviously stoney doesn't give a shit if he has buddies to smoke with, he'd already been smoking on his own previously.
come to think of it, stoney looks pretty clear-eyed today. does that mean that 'wait and try it together' also encouraged stoney to wait?
interesting. if anything i'd say friends being HONEST and telling stoney they don't like what it's doing to him and are worried about him might encourage him to quit. BUT HEY WHY DO THAT, LET'S CONTINUE NOT ACTUALLY SPEAKING OUR MINDS AND JUST MAKING EXCUSES AND LYING
anyway stoney suggests they all head to the garage and party
and wilma says no. just NO >:O real angry.
wilma i really think if you said 'no thanks, i thought about it and i'm not interested. i'll catch up with you guys later.' you would have been fine
DID SHE SAY NO?
NOBODY'S ALLOWED TO SAY NO TO DRUGS >:O HOW DARE YOU
stoney lays down the convincing argument of 'we're your friends, we wouldn't hurt you.'
stoney why do you want everyone to smoke so bad anyway? they're not going to pay you. they already accept you as a peer and look up to you. why can't you just be content that they're not interested? THIS SHOULDNT BE A CONFLICT
ALSO WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED YOU ARE LIKE ELEVEN W HERE DID YOU EVEN GET WEED
the little invisable man on my finger has a joke to tell you, stoney
knock knock
who's there?
DARE
DARE who
DARE you to make any sense out of teaching kids to greet drug addicts with hostility and a cold shoulder
stoney is so displeased with wilma's unwillingness to do drugs that he even throws a veiled threat at her
"I THINK YOU BETTER GET OUTTA HERE >:("
wilma, in what may be the only bit of actual social education in the episode, tells dotti that they can still be friends. she just doesn't want to do drugs with her, or anyone else.
THANK YOU. see, THIS is what you're supposed to teach kids. to tell people ITS OKAY, BUT I DONT WANT TO DO DRUGS WITH YOU. that way you're leaving an avenue of communication open between you and the person using drugs. if it becomes a problem, they can talk to you about it and get help. if you're genuinely worried about them (which i don't think any of these kids are about stoney for SOME REASON) they'll also be more likely to listen to what you have to say BECAUSE you haven't alienated them. gaaaah!!
aaaand she leaves.
spoilers: they don't do drugs together. or if they do, none of them look like it or display any of the effects for the remainder of the episode.
stoney's just stuck with straight-edge friends. who don't recognize his frankly frantic drug use and desire to get others to try drugs as any sign of a cry for help.
we never meet or see stoney's parents, by the way.
dino
dino the wagon was already green you don't need to paint it
WHY ARE YOU UNDER THE WAGON
THERE'S NO MOVING PARTS UNDER THERE YOU IMBECILE
GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMART ONE
NO DINO BAD DINOSAUR
fred i thought you were going to get him fixed
obviously fred spent the money for dino's surgery on weed, look at his face
anyway now that wilma has decided to Say No, the main cast decide to form a "Just Say No" club.
look, i grew up in the 80s, okay? these things didn't exist. there was no such fucking thing as a "just say no" club, no matter what the evil snakewoman will tell you later in our program. you made clubs for a lot of stupid shit in the 80s. you made clubs based on what animal would walk in front of you next. but a 'just say no' club had no point to it. what were you going to do? sit around in silence waiting for someone to pop out of a bush and offer you cocaine??
no
OH GOD THE JUST SAY NO CLUB IS A SATANIC CULT
CHILD SACRIFICES AAAA
no
i feel like they're trying to send me a message here, but i'm just not getting it
oh man, i love JUTSA day!
i guess i should tell you guys that during this entire montage, a pop "song" plays. it goes like this.
JUST SAY NO (clap machine)
SAY NO (clap machine)
EVERYBODY SAY NO (clap machine)
SAY NO
i like imagining the guy who composed it on a coke binge in front of a synth with this hugely deluded fantasy about how this song will keep kids off drugs and make a huge difference in american culture. and then it went into this episode. lol.
what if i say no to saying no huh
what then
AAAAAUGH THEY SHOT ME
no
i can see the fundamental reason why this campaign failed. 'no' is a negative word, and so you can't really put a spin on it to make it positive. i mean take the horrible song they played for example. you can't write a pop song about saying no and make it catchy. pop songs are about saying yes and taking chances and doing stupid things on a whim. not saying no and not taking chances.
plus you tell a bunch of kids to 'just say no' and they're going to start abusing that power on whatever they don't want to do. 'hey, do your homework.' 'NO. IM IN A JUST SAY NO CLUB AND I SAY NO. HAHAHAHA'
there were other issues with the campaign (like the obvious fact that you can't 'just say no' if you're legitimately addicted to drugs) but i think the inherit problem of attempting to turn a negative positive was a part of it.
if you were pro-drugs why would you want to spy through a window on people who are anti-drugs making piles and piles of antidrug posters
ANYWAY whatever. their having a just say no club doesn't really impact anything in any way. they all just go outside and continue their pet washing service to earn money for the MICHAEL JACKSTONE concert.
only real difference is now wilma is in her old, less horrifying clothing.
thousands of kids the world round all dream of the day they can take their pet dinosaur out to give it a bath
for some reason stoney STILL wants to bother wilma.
i don't get it. i mean it's obvious the other guys didn't try smoking pot with him. why's he so sore about wilma not wanting to?
maybe he's just mad she shunned their social circle the minute drugs showed up in spite of the fact there's no true obligation to other members of the group to do drugs. that would make me slightly miffed. kind of a dick move, really. YOU ALL WERE MY FRIENDS BUT THE MINUTE WE HAVE A MORAL DISAGREEMENT I AM OUT
PAINTING ERROR dino's nose is pink not yellow
guess stoney's fallen off the wagon again
everyone finds it pretty funny except for fred.
fred is the kind of jerkoff who would refuse to laugh at cheech & chong on general principal.
dudes check out my trubbish impression
trubtrub
I'M SICK OF LOOKING AT YOU
mohawk kid suggests forming a just say no club of their own, for...some reason...? maybe it looks like they're having fun doing their petwashing thing?
i'd have suggested starting their own petwashing business myself but hey whatever
stoney is obviously displeased
anyway the kids dujor decide they've got almost all the pets done, and nearly enough money for concert tickets. so hey, lunchbreak!
OH GOD BRUSHFIRE BRUSHFIRE
oh it's just you
stoney's decided he's going to 'wreck' their chances of going to the concert. i have no idea why. he's confident his team will win the riddle ralley, and someone buying tickets through the box office is no threat to him winning the tickets in the race. just randomly spiteful for no reason because of DRUGS!
stoney's character is a classic propaganda archetype user. he wants other people to get on drugs for no discernable reason, for no profit. when they refuse, he becomes vindictive and vengeful for equally no discernable reason.
now feel free to correct me, but typically stoners don't go on revenge benders
anyway, he sneaks up to their wagon and swaps around the animal care instructions.
THATLL TAKE CARE OF THOSE GOODY GOODYS <- actual line
WOOOOOPS WATCH OUT FOR THE RAVINE
it's okay to laugh at an addict getting hurt
they're not people like us
the kids finish lunch and return to work, somehow completely oblivious to the swapped instructions in spite of noticing they don't make any sense (like feeding a mastodon food for pet monkeys).
incidentally, i like that animal design. they call it a 'sheepdogasaurus' which i caution you against thinking too hard about
at some point they dye this one pink and stick bows on it and it looks HORRIFIED. SHUT UP, CRUSHER. YOU'RE A PET. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE ANY CONCEPT OF GENDER ROLES.
mr. spacely is not pleased you turned his dinosaur pink
i'm sorry ma'am, we do not accept voodoo dancing as payment for services
fred finally realizes that the instructions got switched up somehow. too little too late, because now people are showing up demanding refunds. i dunno why, i wouldn't get pissed at a bunch of 9 year olds who put a bow on my dog instead of a spiked collar when they asked if they could wash it for money. they're CHILDREN.
something this show's writers seem to forget periodically.
stoney why are you back again
seriously this obsessive wilma stalking has got to end
maybe he has a crush on wilma?
not into asian women i guess, stoney?
also shit, he sobered up FAST. it's been what, like an hour? two? i guess weed was not very strong back in caveman times.
ALL THE MAMMOTHS IN THE HOUSE SAY HOOOOOOO
stoney blows his own cover by going YOU OUGHTA BE MORE CAREFUL WITH YOUR INSTRUCTIONS before anyone says anything about them being mixed up.
STOP BEING SO FUCKING CALM ABOUT THIS
THAT ISNT HOW YOU ANIMATE A QUIRKED EYEBROW
anyway fred realizes that this was stoney's doing, and vows that they will do battle upon the field of honor. or you know just. compete in the riddle ralley as well, against stoney's team.
AND WE'LL WIN BECAUSE WE AREN'T ON DRUGS
YOU DICK
PFF DRUGS AREN'T HURTING MY MIND OR BODY I'LL WIN THAT RACE ANYWAY YOU LOSERS
scuse me let me just walk awkwardly backwards to this bench
stoney offers to let them kiss his ass
and then is blown clean out of frame by the force of his own farts
at this point in the show the "UH NOPE UH YUP" guy starts helping stoney back to his feet with some regularity.
i...man, i don't know guys. if your friend is on drugs and you find yourself REGULARLY helping them back to their feet or forcably stearing them from one location to another because they're incapable of functioning well enough to stand up or find their way places on their own? there's a problem. and if they're really your friend and you really care, you should ADDRESS IT.
and it's the day of the race suddenly.
the 'just say no' club are all wearing matching green shirts with a red 'no' sign on them. what a horrible design choice.
meanwhile stoney's team is doing last minute prep for the 40 yard peacock impersonation
again, UH NOPE guy literally pushes stoney to the other kids. apparently he never showed up, so they had to send a buddy to find him. and stoney, who is about to compete in a footrace with riddles, decided to smoke a joint beforehand.
man i am sorry, this kid has problems and someone should have done something to help him. THIS ISN'T NORMAL. the riddle ralley was something they did together every year, something they looked forward to. he shouldn't have felt the need to get stoned beforehand nor should he have thought it would help in any way. there is NO WAY you can enter a footrace in this situation expecting ANYTHING BUT to lose.
i mean i hate to soap box but stoney's very clearly got some problems that nobody's bothering to address. not the least of which is that he wears two shirts but no pants.
guuuys heeeeeeey it's fiiiine i mean we're like two years older and you're all sober
we can outrun them easilyyyyy
and if not, we can punch all their teeth out
i practiced on myself last night
hmm i don't think you guys are going to get to see the michael jackstone concert
look at stoney's terrible posture and contented grin
anyone with bad posture and a contented grin is a filthy pothead
stoney is still quite confident in his team's win, and smarms that wilma should have stuck with them, GRRRRRRL
wilma retorts with DONT BE SO SURE ABOUT THAT, BOYYYYYYY
i think if you were stoned and someone tried to insult you by drawing out the word for your gender this
probably would be the face you make
i know i would
START FOR SOME REASON
TIME OUT TIME OUT I BROKE MY NECK
stoney's been left back at the starting line in a dust cloud, coughing.
i'm not really sure how drugs contributed to that, i think anyone would cough in a huge dust cloud.
and, again, his 'friends' literally just pick him up and soldier on without addressing any of the issues.
i mean granted during a race you probably don't want to stop and talk about a potential drug problem but SERIOUSLY they all are more concerned about those fucking concert tickets than the health and wellbeing of another human who they call their friend
and that's effed up, yo.
anyway stoney unwraps their first riddle and complains it's in japanese
i...so...so there's a caveman japan in the flintstones universe?
HAHA IT WAS UPSIDE DOWN WHAT A GAG
PEOPLE WHO ARE STONED ARE ALWAYS GETTING CONFUSED BY HOLDING BOOKS UPSIDE DOWN AND SHIT HA. HA. HA.
that never happens
though admitably if it did, i can see this kind of sheepish amusement being the reaction.
woopth sorry guys |3c
the first clue was something horrible like "to find this clue you better zoom. find the squirrelasaurus' living room."
which they quickly inform you means trees. i'm glad they wrote that in, because i don't think a single child in the 80s would have solved that riddle.
because it's a bad riddle.
TONIGHT WE FEAST
aw gyp no acorn inside, just another clue.
this clue says something about having a "swinging good time" which they take immediately to mean the swings
NO YOU GUYS YOU SAID SWINGS
THAT'S NOT THE SWINGS
FRED. NO.
jesus christ who's on drugs in this episode again?
pff FINALLY at least your DOG knows what swings are
dino has discovered letters written in blood which spell out the exact time a meteor will impact earth, destroying the caveman and dinosaur civilization.
blahblah. anyway this is the last clue (short race) and it says something like
'climb a ladder, go round and round. the finish line is up then down.'
think about that one a minute. if you somehow are able to figure out what that clue is pointing them to, you're a fucking genius cause that's a HORRIBLE clue.
but they get it immediately and run off just in time for stoney's crew to show up and see where they were looking for clues.
it doesn't look like there's any other teams. just stoney and the just say no club. which might explain why they were reigning champs for three years, NOBODY COMPETED AGAINST THEM. the race itself seems rather poorly designed, because people could just do what stoney's team did and watch to see where other teams are running/looking.
they, too, figure out what that clue means.
seriously, go on and guess. try your best. you'll never fucking figure it out because it's the worst clue.
guys you go win the ralley okay i'm gonna
i'm gonna sit down here for a while
you take the high road and i'll take the low road and i'll cross the finish line BEFOOOOOOOOORE YE
stoney and wilma (carrying dino) are bringing up the rear.
i GUESS the way they determine the winner is that the first team to get all members across the finish line wins.
this presents an interesting scenario, because assuming wilma hadn't joined fred's team and had competed with stoney, stoney's team would have STILL lost the riddle ralley because wilma and stoney are the two slowest runners.
oh yeah.
that riddle's answer? was this slide.
with the giant FINISH LINE sign above it.
it always annoyed me so much in cartoons when characters shot off slides like being ejected from a cannon. IT DOESNT HAPPEN LIKE THAT i wish it did and this frustrates me
stoney's gaining a lead in spite of constantly coughing. WHAT WILL WILMA DO
oh of course. he ran into a tree.
see this is why you don't look at your opponants during a race, you look WHERE YOU ARE GOING
jesus christ dino he's just a problem child
don't look so happy he got hurt
and wilma makes it to the slide before stoney. like there was ever any doubt.
horray the just say no club wins concert tickets
cheer up stoney, you can always just hang out at home listening to records and getting high
wait that's a terrible idea why am i encouraging this
UHOHHHHH
WHAT DID YOU LEAVE BEHIND STONEYYYYY
UHOHHHHHH
SOMEONE FOUND THEEEEEEEEEM
DUN. DUN. DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.
stoney is left panting and exhausted while his former friends all shout and glare at him over losing the race. i guess they've a right to be pissed off, but if anything, this really should have highlighted to them that they should HELP HIM STOP DOING DRUGS. not alienate him!
i thought about bringing up something about stoney's coughing, but the fact of the matter is that you probably would cough if you were a smoker who joined a footrace - regardless of what you smoked. though it does look like in the long run there's science behind suggesting marijuana smoke is not as bad as tabacco smoke...mostly because it's smoked less frequently, though.
THANKS FOR FUCKING IT UP, STONEY
ow my head
dotti decides that her friendship with stoney is much less important to her than seeing a michael jackson concert with kids a few years younger than her. and so joins their just say no club on the spot.
and so do the other kids, i guess.
i really can't imagine the people giving out the prizes were okay with this. i mean these kids weren't even on the team that crossed the finish line, and the tickets CAN NOT be cheap.
stoney didn't want to see MJ anyway.
he has a garage band rock movement to start
CHEESE IT, IT'S THE FUZZ!
hey stoney want a chocolate coin
stoney does an intelligent thing here. i'm not joking, please take note. he denies ownership of the drugs which were not on his person. in court, THIS WORKS IN YOUR FAVOUR. because if they were on the ground, they're not on you, and you're not FOUND IN POSESSION which is what's illegal.
so there's your tip for the day. if a cop ever tries to tell you you'll go to jail because of drugs they found on the sidewalk, just say they aren't yours. because they aren't. they were on the sidewalk.
also always be respectful and polite to the police
always
because the last thing you want is to give them a reason to try to put you in jail
the cop - officer quartz- tells stoney to 'give it a rest' in response to his denial. wow, rude.
he also goes on a mini rant about 'not only are drugs dangerous, not only do drugs ruin your mind and body, but they're against the law!'
thanks officer exposition.
YOU'RE COMING WITH ME
DOWN TOWN.
TO THE POLICE STATION.
STOP TRYING TO MAKE EXCUSES, ELEVEN YEAR OLD BOY.
YOU'RE GOING IN FRONT OF THE JUDGE AND THEN GOING TO JAIL. THERE'S NO REASON I SHOULD TRY TO HELP YOU OR BE CONCERNED FOR YOU. YOU DID DRUGS AND THAT MAKES YOU AN ADDICT AND A BAD PERSON SO JAIL FOR YOU
and all the other kids cheer while stoney is carted off to jail based on circumstantial at best evidence
and i went like this, because a child with a drug problem was villafied
>:(
NOOOHOHO OH GOD SHE'S SUCKING OUT MY SOUL
for those of you who aren't in the loop, that's nancy reagan. she was the president's wife, and prettymuch the mastermind behind this entire 'just say no' era. she talks to the camera and tells the viewer that 'thousands of kids just like you' have started just say no clubs. also that the 'music you have been waiting for' is coming.
i wonder if i write in, will i get anything in return?
maybe like a secret decoder ring shaped like a potleaf
that'd be neat
look i can't explain to you what goes on in this scene other than that it is accompanied by a shitty musical number.
enjoy.
if you ever wanted to see michael jackson drawn flintstones style
boy are you in the right place
IS THAT A CHILD ABUSE COURT CASE SNEAKING UP BEHIND ME
YOU WON'T GET ME, I'M TOO FAST FOR YOU
looks nothing like mj, i'm sorry
the fact that MJ has an all animal band brings some interesting questions to the table. do they get paid the same as humans? do they get similar accomodations? are there actual cultures of like apes and dinosaurs that live in opposition to the flintstones settlements?
is Dinosaurs taking place down the block??
mj wrote in to the project
"i specifically want a small boy and his mom staring at my crotch and cheering during my concert sequence"
let's all take a moment to recognize the brilliantly dark humor in michael jackson singing about how you should say no to drugs so you have a nice bright future
aw shit they broke out the giant NO! banner
they'll be talking about this concert for years, they usually only save that for special occassions
pixie lashes
everyone is at the concert except for stoney
because he did drugs and therefore is a bad person and gets to go to jail while his friends who stood by and let him destroy himself without any effort to find out what was wrong or get him to stop get to enjoy a concert
BY THE WAY, THIS WAS A VALID REPUBLICAN AGENDA. TO THROW ALL THE ADDICTS IN JAIL AND TEACH PEOPLE TO TREAT THEM LIKE GARBAGE. WHICH IS TOTALLY FAIR CONSIDERING ALL ADDICTS TOTALLY WANTED TO BECOME ADDICTS IN THE FIRST PLACE god fuck you nancy reagan
mj you're not going to do a crotch grab in this cartoon are you
please tell me you're not
obligatory moonwalking
you are looking at what was cool in the 80s
moonwalking pink baby dinosaurs in sunglasses
yeah woooo good for you you said no to drugs and sent a kid who needed therapy and help to jail
i'm sure jail will cure his drug problems
gdi mj i said no crotchgrabs
you fucking pervert
WANNA BE COOL LIKE US?
JUST SAY NO
the end.
so in the end, the kid on drugs goes to jail without anyone attempting to see A) why he started B) what's going on in his home life C) who was selling to an 11 year old or D) if he had a support net of friends who would help in a bad situation.
and the kids who alienated him and used hateful language all get to go see a concert.
see i don't like this. it's rewarding people for being elitist and not helping those in need. it's encouraging people to turn away from others' problems, to treat them with scorn. "you got into this mess, so fuck you, get out without me." that's a horrible way to think and behave and treat people! especially people who might have once been your friends!
i think i might just form my own just say no club
but it's just saying No to judging people based on some wrinkled snakewoman's moral agenda.
want an extra dose of irony? enjoy this flinstones winston cigarette ad.
much like toons today, in the 80s toons were also subject to ill concieved network or studio revivals. but for some reason, they thought making all the characters younger would make them more appealing to kids. this kind of thinking spawned some good things (tiny toons, muppet babies) but mostly just churned out turds.
hanna barabara, bastion of cheap animation techniques and recycled frames, had two of the turdiest turds of them all. one was "a pup named scooby doo" that, while horrible, was one of my favourite cartoons as a kid. another was "the flintstone kids". both had propaganda episodes.
and while the scooby doo one is great and has a skateboarding headless ghost who goes "OH DUUUUUUUDES" in a surfer accent? it doesn't have a rewrite of a michael jackson song or a hideous alien snakewoman. so that's not the one i've screencapped.
i don't know what's so fucking special about this. michael jackson doesn't actually sing the song or play the music, and the horrible snakewoman from beyond the right wing is clearly a puppet. the episode runs the standard half hour and, to my knowledge, it didn't air out of its normal time slot. what makes you so special, flinstones propaganda?
before we begin, the usual disclaimer: this post is just to make fun of terrible 80s toons that used terrible tactics to "educate" kids about drugs. my stance on drugs is That's Your Business. if you're straight edge, GREAT! you rock! if you're not GREAT! you probably also rock! you must, you're reading this blog after all. it's your body and it wouldn't be my place to judge what you do with it or to it. because i'm not you.
we good? right. BEDROCK.
the episode opens with freddy's parents unpacking the trunk of their car.
or shoving eachother into the trunk, one or the other
freddy and dino have just returned from comiccon in their hunter s. thompson cosplays
resting a giant stone box on the back of a constantly moving wheel is a terrible design. no wonder this society went extinct.
it might be worth noting early on that, like a pup named scooby doo, the flinstone kids essentially inverted a timeline for no reason. as adults they live in a bedrock modeled after the early 1960s. but as children, it's 1990s bedrock. because ITS JUST CARTOONS WHO CARES
i'll give it to dino, he's a talented suitcase surfer.
can't have fred without barney. barney provides the writers a convenient excuse to explain fred's horrifying outfit. he's just come back from visiting family in "hollyrock."
..."hollyrock."
fred you know barney has strong feelings about white shorts after labor day
what were you thinking
wilma and Fido the Token Black Kid show up carrying the ten commandments. props for trying to make your cast more ethnicly diverse, hanna barbara. but this raises too many questions about where fido went when the characters "grew up"
i mean like did a t-rex eat him or something?
oh my bad it's not the ten commandments it's a flyer for MICHAEL JACK.STONE. in concert
because a society that has mastered written language, permanant architecture, currency and transportation has not yet invented paper
BUT MICHAEL JACKSTONE YOU GUYS OMG!!
the mere mention of MJ kills wilma. dino is weirdly happy about it.
freddy don't blame her death on the flyer
even though the rock does appear to be crushing her to death
anyway they all decide that wilma will be able to help them come up with a plan to earn money to buy concert tickets and run off.
apparently wilma's been hanging out at some other kid's house while her friends were on vacation
some other kid named "stoney"
GUESS WHAT STONEY DOES GUYS
if you guessed DRESS WILMA IN A HORRIBLE OUTFIT you'd be CORRECT
u like wat u see fred
anyway wilma leads them around back where they look shocked at litearlly everything that goes on.
i mean it, this is prettymuch their reaction to everything from "my other friends gave me a nickname" to "i already have tickets to the concert"
stoney's not actually home, either. it's just some random asian girl (dotti) and two random dudes. they're supposed to be older than the flinstone kids, but it's never made clear how MUCH older.
YOU MADE NEW FRIENDS WHILE WE WERE ALL OUT OF TOWN HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED
wilma explains that this group of kids is also a team that competes at the yearly 'riddle ralley' and are three year reigning champs. this year the prize is tickets to the concert, so wilma will be running on stoney's team.
this also for some reason means IT'S IMPOSSIBLE for her to help them come up with ideas on how to make money to buy tickets
the other flintstone kids come up with their own idea on the spot (a petwashing business) and head off to start it. wilma tries to follow them but dotti actually restrains her.
i don't understand why, it's not like she'd be incapable of having two groups of friends. even if she went to help them make their pet thing she'd be back in a few hours. THIS SHOULDNT EVEN BE A SOURCE OF CONFLICT
as the f-kids head back to wherever the fuck, they all stop and talk about wilma as if they're never going to see her again for. some reason. dino even bursts into tears. you guys could just call and schedule a playdate you know
oh well fuck those guys HEY LET'S ALL MEET STONEY
doesn't he look like a go-getter
WHAM right into a tree
stoney totally whiffs punching the tree
and seems fascinated by the fact that he has a palm
this is the sober sort of upstanding chap the youth of bedrock needs, yes sir.
"STOP THE MUSIC. I'M BACK." <- actual line
ladies love stoney
the other two kids in stoney's crew are curious about a "surprise" stoney's been hinting at bringing today.
can YOU guess the surprise? :D
this guy has two lines, the entire show. "Uh, yup." and "Uh, nope."
memorable.
stoney invites everyone into the garage for the big reveal of his surprise
and then promptly turns into mr. magoo with a sex change and a wig
just kidding. he couldn't get the door open.
wilma reminds him to push and not pull and in they go
you may notice stoney has some uh. interesting poses. all of his movements are really floppy and unnatural. because he's ON DRUGS. HE JUST SPINS AROUND RANDOMLY WHEN HE WALKS, NO SOBER PERSON DOES THAT!
well, our friend is acting weird and not like himself at all
better follow him into the garage
aright so what the fuck is this surprise
it's that i've mastered hover-sitting
see?
WOOPS I FELL DOWN
is it possible to be so stoned you miss your chair? i mean i know it's possible to be so drunk you miss your chair, but stoned?
that guy on the left knows what's up and HE DOESNT LIKE IT
hahahahaha
dear lord you look like a chimpanzee
congratulations on being the first caveman in bedrock to look remotely like a caveman, stoney.
TADAAAAAAA HAVE A JOINT, READER
TOUCH ITTTTTTTTTTT
why don't any of you want to touch it it's just a joint
you won't get high from just touching it
the other kids immediately get to being terrified. one kid identifies it as marijuana (how do you know, kid? :O) another points out it's a drug. another says that if you smoke those you get REALLY MESSED UP D:
pfff please they won't hurt you at all
says stoney as he leans against this stick
stoney actually says he's smoked a few of these already. now i'm no toxicology technician, but i am pretty god damn sure that smoking "a few" joints is fucking excessive. i mean normally you just pass one around and share it with several people, right??
woops missed the stick
my name is mr. terrapin station
smoke this joint wilma
heeeeey wait that's not a joint it's a razorclam!
3 o'clock? i have a flimsy excuse scheduled for 3 o'clock!
LEFT A CAKE IN THE DENTIST GOTTA GO
stoney wonders rightly how a sundial timepiece would work inside a garage
ILL TOTALLY DO DRUGS WITH YOU SOME OTHER NEVER
TOTALLY
why is the garage door child-sized
NO EXCUSES NEXT TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
if it's one thing i regret about poor quality versions of my propaganda? it's the loss of little details like stoney's bloodshot eyes. :<
whew that was close. i was in the same room as drugs for like TWO WHOLE MINUTES i can't believe i'm not addicted yet
anyway, the other flintstone kids are building their petwashing wagon.
wait how do you kids know how to build that thing? are you certified mechanics by bedrock standards? if not you SHOULD be, you're using the same exact technology wtf
what if they won't be friends with you anymore because you were in the same room as drugs wilma
what then
well dino's still fine with you anyway
hey wilma i caught a small ghost
woOOoooOooo
maybe i was better off at stoney's house
anyway wilma tells the other kids she needs to talk to them in private about something REALLY SECRET
to wilma's credit, i wouldn't want to talk about drugs on the sidewalk either. seems like just a bad place to have that conversation.
so they go in a room, lock the door, shut the curtains, and wilma tells them that stoney showed up with pot
MY GOD YOU DIDN'T TOUCH IT DID YOU???
dino is not licking freddy's leg here, in spite of how it looks. he's just blowing a razberry.
this whole 'dog blows a razberry at drugs' thing got used a lot in the A Pup Named Scooby Doo propaganda. from what i remember every time someone said 'drugs' scooby would shout DRUGS? PETOOIE. YICK.
the irony was sublime.
anyway the other kids convince wilma to talk to her parents, because they all agree they're too inexperienced to know what to do in this situation. smart friends! wilma does just that.
and after telling her parents that she was in the same room as drugs but didn't take any, flinches and covers her face as if expecting to be hit.
uhm.
okay, so wilma's home life was horrible i guess.
wilma's italian racecar driver of a father tells her she's not in trouble, but the best thing to do if your friends are on drugs is COMPLETELY ABANDON THEM, THEYRE SCUM AND WILL GET IN TROUBLE. FIND NEW FRIENDS.
this is actually how a lot of parents reacted if their kids said "my friend uses drugs." it is a kneejerk and stupid reaction. especially if your kid is like nine? you kind of have a larger social obligation than going "SHUN THE USER, IGNORE THE PROBLEM!" i'm not sure what you SHOULD do, but i imagine talking to the kid on drugs would be a good first step. find out what they're into and how much and if you can why...if you genuinely think they're a bad influence you can deal with your kid later but what if it's because the kid using has problems at home? maybe they NEED HELP and don't know how to get it. THEY ARE CHILDREN, AFTER ALL.
sorry. my usual soapbox stance.
drugs are bad
but letting our child play with a kitten of a giant feral land predator which will surely outgrow her and probably eat her is fine
so anyway, wilma heads back to stoney's house to confront them again over this whole drug issue.
we learn that the other kids also said no that day, deciding to try it when wilma showed back up
this is just like in the tiny toons propaganda. if none of you want to try it just don't try it this isn't rocket science. obviously stoney doesn't give a shit if he has buddies to smoke with, he'd already been smoking on his own previously.
come to think of it, stoney looks pretty clear-eyed today. does that mean that 'wait and try it together' also encouraged stoney to wait?
interesting. if anything i'd say friends being HONEST and telling stoney they don't like what it's doing to him and are worried about him might encourage him to quit. BUT HEY WHY DO THAT, LET'S CONTINUE NOT ACTUALLY SPEAKING OUR MINDS AND JUST MAKING EXCUSES AND LYING
anyway stoney suggests they all head to the garage and party
and wilma says no. just NO >:O real angry.
wilma i really think if you said 'no thanks, i thought about it and i'm not interested. i'll catch up with you guys later.' you would have been fine
DID SHE SAY NO?
NOBODY'S ALLOWED TO SAY NO TO DRUGS >:O HOW DARE YOU
stoney lays down the convincing argument of 'we're your friends, we wouldn't hurt you.'
stoney why do you want everyone to smoke so bad anyway? they're not going to pay you. they already accept you as a peer and look up to you. why can't you just be content that they're not interested? THIS SHOULDNT BE A CONFLICT
ALSO WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED YOU ARE LIKE ELEVEN W HERE DID YOU EVEN GET WEED
the little invisable man on my finger has a joke to tell you, stoney
knock knock
who's there?
DARE
DARE who
DARE you to make any sense out of teaching kids to greet drug addicts with hostility and a cold shoulder
stoney is so displeased with wilma's unwillingness to do drugs that he even throws a veiled threat at her
"I THINK YOU BETTER GET OUTTA HERE >:("
wilma, in what may be the only bit of actual social education in the episode, tells dotti that they can still be friends. she just doesn't want to do drugs with her, or anyone else.
THANK YOU. see, THIS is what you're supposed to teach kids. to tell people ITS OKAY, BUT I DONT WANT TO DO DRUGS WITH YOU. that way you're leaving an avenue of communication open between you and the person using drugs. if it becomes a problem, they can talk to you about it and get help. if you're genuinely worried about them (which i don't think any of these kids are about stoney for SOME REASON) they'll also be more likely to listen to what you have to say BECAUSE you haven't alienated them. gaaaah!!
aaaand she leaves.
spoilers: they don't do drugs together. or if they do, none of them look like it or display any of the effects for the remainder of the episode.
stoney's just stuck with straight-edge friends. who don't recognize his frankly frantic drug use and desire to get others to try drugs as any sign of a cry for help.
we never meet or see stoney's parents, by the way.
dino
dino the wagon was already green you don't need to paint it
WHY ARE YOU UNDER THE WAGON
THERE'S NO MOVING PARTS UNDER THERE YOU IMBECILE
GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMART ONE
NO DINO BAD DINOSAUR
fred i thought you were going to get him fixed
obviously fred spent the money for dino's surgery on weed, look at his face
anyway now that wilma has decided to Say No, the main cast decide to form a "Just Say No" club.
look, i grew up in the 80s, okay? these things didn't exist. there was no such fucking thing as a "just say no" club, no matter what the evil snakewoman will tell you later in our program. you made clubs for a lot of stupid shit in the 80s. you made clubs based on what animal would walk in front of you next. but a 'just say no' club had no point to it. what were you going to do? sit around in silence waiting for someone to pop out of a bush and offer you cocaine??
no
OH GOD THE JUST SAY NO CLUB IS A SATANIC CULT
CHILD SACRIFICES AAAA
no
i feel like they're trying to send me a message here, but i'm just not getting it
oh man, i love JUTSA day!
i guess i should tell you guys that during this entire montage, a pop "song" plays. it goes like this.
JUST SAY NO (clap machine)
SAY NO (clap machine)
EVERYBODY SAY NO (clap machine)
SAY NO
i like imagining the guy who composed it on a coke binge in front of a synth with this hugely deluded fantasy about how this song will keep kids off drugs and make a huge difference in american culture. and then it went into this episode. lol.
what if i say no to saying no huh
what then
AAAAAUGH THEY SHOT ME
no
i can see the fundamental reason why this campaign failed. 'no' is a negative word, and so you can't really put a spin on it to make it positive. i mean take the horrible song they played for example. you can't write a pop song about saying no and make it catchy. pop songs are about saying yes and taking chances and doing stupid things on a whim. not saying no and not taking chances.
plus you tell a bunch of kids to 'just say no' and they're going to start abusing that power on whatever they don't want to do. 'hey, do your homework.' 'NO. IM IN A JUST SAY NO CLUB AND I SAY NO. HAHAHAHA'
there were other issues with the campaign (like the obvious fact that you can't 'just say no' if you're legitimately addicted to drugs) but i think the inherit problem of attempting to turn a negative positive was a part of it.
if you were pro-drugs why would you want to spy through a window on people who are anti-drugs making piles and piles of antidrug posters
ANYWAY whatever. their having a just say no club doesn't really impact anything in any way. they all just go outside and continue their pet washing service to earn money for the MICHAEL JACKSTONE concert.
only real difference is now wilma is in her old, less horrifying clothing.
thousands of kids the world round all dream of the day they can take their pet dinosaur out to give it a bath
for some reason stoney STILL wants to bother wilma.
i don't get it. i mean it's obvious the other guys didn't try smoking pot with him. why's he so sore about wilma not wanting to?
maybe he's just mad she shunned their social circle the minute drugs showed up in spite of the fact there's no true obligation to other members of the group to do drugs. that would make me slightly miffed. kind of a dick move, really. YOU ALL WERE MY FRIENDS BUT THE MINUTE WE HAVE A MORAL DISAGREEMENT I AM OUT
PAINTING ERROR dino's nose is pink not yellow
guess stoney's fallen off the wagon again
everyone finds it pretty funny except for fred.
fred is the kind of jerkoff who would refuse to laugh at cheech & chong on general principal.
dudes check out my trubbish impression
trubtrub
I'M SICK OF LOOKING AT YOU
mohawk kid suggests forming a just say no club of their own, for...some reason...? maybe it looks like they're having fun doing their petwashing thing?
i'd have suggested starting their own petwashing business myself but hey whatever
stoney is obviously displeased
anyway the kids dujor decide they've got almost all the pets done, and nearly enough money for concert tickets. so hey, lunchbreak!
OH GOD BRUSHFIRE BRUSHFIRE
oh it's just you
stoney's decided he's going to 'wreck' their chances of going to the concert. i have no idea why. he's confident his team will win the riddle ralley, and someone buying tickets through the box office is no threat to him winning the tickets in the race. just randomly spiteful for no reason because of DRUGS!
stoney's character is a classic propaganda archetype user. he wants other people to get on drugs for no discernable reason, for no profit. when they refuse, he becomes vindictive and vengeful for equally no discernable reason.
now feel free to correct me, but typically stoners don't go on revenge benders
anyway, he sneaks up to their wagon and swaps around the animal care instructions.
THATLL TAKE CARE OF THOSE GOODY GOODYS <- actual line
WOOOOOPS WATCH OUT FOR THE RAVINE
it's okay to laugh at an addict getting hurt
they're not people like us
the kids finish lunch and return to work, somehow completely oblivious to the swapped instructions in spite of noticing they don't make any sense (like feeding a mastodon food for pet monkeys).
incidentally, i like that animal design. they call it a 'sheepdogasaurus' which i caution you against thinking too hard about
at some point they dye this one pink and stick bows on it and it looks HORRIFIED. SHUT UP, CRUSHER. YOU'RE A PET. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE ANY CONCEPT OF GENDER ROLES.
mr. spacely is not pleased you turned his dinosaur pink
i'm sorry ma'am, we do not accept voodoo dancing as payment for services
fred finally realizes that the instructions got switched up somehow. too little too late, because now people are showing up demanding refunds. i dunno why, i wouldn't get pissed at a bunch of 9 year olds who put a bow on my dog instead of a spiked collar when they asked if they could wash it for money. they're CHILDREN.
something this show's writers seem to forget periodically.
stoney why are you back again
seriously this obsessive wilma stalking has got to end
maybe he has a crush on wilma?
not into asian women i guess, stoney?
also shit, he sobered up FAST. it's been what, like an hour? two? i guess weed was not very strong back in caveman times.
ALL THE MAMMOTHS IN THE HOUSE SAY HOOOOOOO
stoney blows his own cover by going YOU OUGHTA BE MORE CAREFUL WITH YOUR INSTRUCTIONS before anyone says anything about them being mixed up.
STOP BEING SO FUCKING CALM ABOUT THIS
THAT ISNT HOW YOU ANIMATE A QUIRKED EYEBROW
anyway fred realizes that this was stoney's doing, and vows that they will do battle upon the field of honor. or you know just. compete in the riddle ralley as well, against stoney's team.
AND WE'LL WIN BECAUSE WE AREN'T ON DRUGS
YOU DICK
PFF DRUGS AREN'T HURTING MY MIND OR BODY I'LL WIN THAT RACE ANYWAY YOU LOSERS
scuse me let me just walk awkwardly backwards to this bench
stoney offers to let them kiss his ass
and then is blown clean out of frame by the force of his own farts
at this point in the show the "UH NOPE UH YUP" guy starts helping stoney back to his feet with some regularity.
i...man, i don't know guys. if your friend is on drugs and you find yourself REGULARLY helping them back to their feet or forcably stearing them from one location to another because they're incapable of functioning well enough to stand up or find their way places on their own? there's a problem. and if they're really your friend and you really care, you should ADDRESS IT.
and it's the day of the race suddenly.
the 'just say no' club are all wearing matching green shirts with a red 'no' sign on them. what a horrible design choice.
meanwhile stoney's team is doing last minute prep for the 40 yard peacock impersonation
again, UH NOPE guy literally pushes stoney to the other kids. apparently he never showed up, so they had to send a buddy to find him. and stoney, who is about to compete in a footrace with riddles, decided to smoke a joint beforehand.
man i am sorry, this kid has problems and someone should have done something to help him. THIS ISN'T NORMAL. the riddle ralley was something they did together every year, something they looked forward to. he shouldn't have felt the need to get stoned beforehand nor should he have thought it would help in any way. there is NO WAY you can enter a footrace in this situation expecting ANYTHING BUT to lose.
i mean i hate to soap box but stoney's very clearly got some problems that nobody's bothering to address. not the least of which is that he wears two shirts but no pants.
guuuys heeeeeeey it's fiiiine i mean we're like two years older and you're all sober
we can outrun them easilyyyyy
and if not, we can punch all their teeth out
i practiced on myself last night
hmm i don't think you guys are going to get to see the michael jackstone concert
look at stoney's terrible posture and contented grin
anyone with bad posture and a contented grin is a filthy pothead
stoney is still quite confident in his team's win, and smarms that wilma should have stuck with them, GRRRRRRL
wilma retorts with DONT BE SO SURE ABOUT THAT, BOYYYYYYY
i think if you were stoned and someone tried to insult you by drawing out the word for your gender this
probably would be the face you make
i know i would
START FOR SOME REASON
TIME OUT TIME OUT I BROKE MY NECK
stoney's been left back at the starting line in a dust cloud, coughing.
i'm not really sure how drugs contributed to that, i think anyone would cough in a huge dust cloud.
and, again, his 'friends' literally just pick him up and soldier on without addressing any of the issues.
i mean granted during a race you probably don't want to stop and talk about a potential drug problem but SERIOUSLY they all are more concerned about those fucking concert tickets than the health and wellbeing of another human who they call their friend
and that's effed up, yo.
anyway stoney unwraps their first riddle and complains it's in japanese
i...so...so there's a caveman japan in the flintstones universe?
HAHA IT WAS UPSIDE DOWN WHAT A GAG
PEOPLE WHO ARE STONED ARE ALWAYS GETTING CONFUSED BY HOLDING BOOKS UPSIDE DOWN AND SHIT HA. HA. HA.
that never happens
though admitably if it did, i can see this kind of sheepish amusement being the reaction.
woopth sorry guys |3c
the first clue was something horrible like "to find this clue you better zoom. find the squirrelasaurus' living room."
which they quickly inform you means trees. i'm glad they wrote that in, because i don't think a single child in the 80s would have solved that riddle.
because it's a bad riddle.
TONIGHT WE FEAST
aw gyp no acorn inside, just another clue.
this clue says something about having a "swinging good time" which they take immediately to mean the swings
NO YOU GUYS YOU SAID SWINGS
THAT'S NOT THE SWINGS
FRED. NO.
jesus christ who's on drugs in this episode again?
pff FINALLY at least your DOG knows what swings are
dino has discovered letters written in blood which spell out the exact time a meteor will impact earth, destroying the caveman and dinosaur civilization.
blahblah. anyway this is the last clue (short race) and it says something like
'climb a ladder, go round and round. the finish line is up then down.'
think about that one a minute. if you somehow are able to figure out what that clue is pointing them to, you're a fucking genius cause that's a HORRIBLE clue.
but they get it immediately and run off just in time for stoney's crew to show up and see where they were looking for clues.
it doesn't look like there's any other teams. just stoney and the just say no club. which might explain why they were reigning champs for three years, NOBODY COMPETED AGAINST THEM. the race itself seems rather poorly designed, because people could just do what stoney's team did and watch to see where other teams are running/looking.
they, too, figure out what that clue means.
seriously, go on and guess. try your best. you'll never fucking figure it out because it's the worst clue.
guys you go win the ralley okay i'm gonna
i'm gonna sit down here for a while
you take the high road and i'll take the low road and i'll cross the finish line BEFOOOOOOOOORE YE
stoney and wilma (carrying dino) are bringing up the rear.
i GUESS the way they determine the winner is that the first team to get all members across the finish line wins.
this presents an interesting scenario, because assuming wilma hadn't joined fred's team and had competed with stoney, stoney's team would have STILL lost the riddle ralley because wilma and stoney are the two slowest runners.
oh yeah.
that riddle's answer? was this slide.
with the giant FINISH LINE sign above it.
it always annoyed me so much in cartoons when characters shot off slides like being ejected from a cannon. IT DOESNT HAPPEN LIKE THAT i wish it did and this frustrates me
stoney's gaining a lead in spite of constantly coughing. WHAT WILL WILMA DO
oh of course. he ran into a tree.
see this is why you don't look at your opponants during a race, you look WHERE YOU ARE GOING
jesus christ dino he's just a problem child
don't look so happy he got hurt
and wilma makes it to the slide before stoney. like there was ever any doubt.
horray the just say no club wins concert tickets
cheer up stoney, you can always just hang out at home listening to records and getting high
wait that's a terrible idea why am i encouraging this
UHOHHHHH
WHAT DID YOU LEAVE BEHIND STONEYYYYY
UHOHHHHHH
SOMEONE FOUND THEEEEEEEEEM
DUN. DUN. DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.
stoney is left panting and exhausted while his former friends all shout and glare at him over losing the race. i guess they've a right to be pissed off, but if anything, this really should have highlighted to them that they should HELP HIM STOP DOING DRUGS. not alienate him!
i thought about bringing up something about stoney's coughing, but the fact of the matter is that you probably would cough if you were a smoker who joined a footrace - regardless of what you smoked. though it does look like in the long run there's science behind suggesting marijuana smoke is not as bad as tabacco smoke...mostly because it's smoked less frequently, though.
THANKS FOR FUCKING IT UP, STONEY
ow my head
dotti decides that her friendship with stoney is much less important to her than seeing a michael jackson concert with kids a few years younger than her. and so joins their just say no club on the spot.
and so do the other kids, i guess.
i really can't imagine the people giving out the prizes were okay with this. i mean these kids weren't even on the team that crossed the finish line, and the tickets CAN NOT be cheap.
stoney didn't want to see MJ anyway.
he has a garage band rock movement to start
CHEESE IT, IT'S THE FUZZ!
hey stoney want a chocolate coin
stoney does an intelligent thing here. i'm not joking, please take note. he denies ownership of the drugs which were not on his person. in court, THIS WORKS IN YOUR FAVOUR. because if they were on the ground, they're not on you, and you're not FOUND IN POSESSION which is what's illegal.
so there's your tip for the day. if a cop ever tries to tell you you'll go to jail because of drugs they found on the sidewalk, just say they aren't yours. because they aren't. they were on the sidewalk.
also always be respectful and polite to the police
always
because the last thing you want is to give them a reason to try to put you in jail
the cop - officer quartz- tells stoney to 'give it a rest' in response to his denial. wow, rude.
he also goes on a mini rant about 'not only are drugs dangerous, not only do drugs ruin your mind and body, but they're against the law!'
thanks officer exposition.
YOU'RE COMING WITH ME
DOWN TOWN.
TO THE POLICE STATION.
STOP TRYING TO MAKE EXCUSES, ELEVEN YEAR OLD BOY.
YOU'RE GOING IN FRONT OF THE JUDGE AND THEN GOING TO JAIL. THERE'S NO REASON I SHOULD TRY TO HELP YOU OR BE CONCERNED FOR YOU. YOU DID DRUGS AND THAT MAKES YOU AN ADDICT AND A BAD PERSON SO JAIL FOR YOU
and all the other kids cheer while stoney is carted off to jail based on circumstantial at best evidence
and i went like this, because a child with a drug problem was villafied
>:(
AAAAAAAAAA SNAKE WOMAN SNAKE WOMAN AAAAAAAAAAAA
NOOOHOHO OH GOD SHE'S SUCKING OUT MY SOUL
for those of you who aren't in the loop, that's nancy reagan. she was the president's wife, and prettymuch the mastermind behind this entire 'just say no' era. she talks to the camera and tells the viewer that 'thousands of kids just like you' have started just say no clubs. also that the 'music you have been waiting for' is coming.
i wonder if i write in, will i get anything in return?
maybe like a secret decoder ring shaped like a potleaf
that'd be neat
look i can't explain to you what goes on in this scene other than that it is accompanied by a shitty musical number.
enjoy.
if you ever wanted to see michael jackson drawn flintstones style
boy are you in the right place
IS THAT A CHILD ABUSE COURT CASE SNEAKING UP BEHIND ME
YOU WON'T GET ME, I'M TOO FAST FOR YOU
looks nothing like mj, i'm sorry
the fact that MJ has an all animal band brings some interesting questions to the table. do they get paid the same as humans? do they get similar accomodations? are there actual cultures of like apes and dinosaurs that live in opposition to the flintstones settlements?
is Dinosaurs taking place down the block??
mj wrote in to the project
"i specifically want a small boy and his mom staring at my crotch and cheering during my concert sequence"
let's all take a moment to recognize the brilliantly dark humor in michael jackson singing about how you should say no to drugs so you have a nice bright future
aw shit they broke out the giant NO! banner
they'll be talking about this concert for years, they usually only save that for special occassions
pixie lashes
everyone is at the concert except for stoney
because he did drugs and therefore is a bad person and gets to go to jail while his friends who stood by and let him destroy himself without any effort to find out what was wrong or get him to stop get to enjoy a concert
BY THE WAY, THIS WAS A VALID REPUBLICAN AGENDA. TO THROW ALL THE ADDICTS IN JAIL AND TEACH PEOPLE TO TREAT THEM LIKE GARBAGE. WHICH IS TOTALLY FAIR CONSIDERING ALL ADDICTS TOTALLY WANTED TO BECOME ADDICTS IN THE FIRST PLACE god fuck you nancy reagan
mj you're not going to do a crotch grab in this cartoon are you
please tell me you're not
obligatory moonwalking
you are looking at what was cool in the 80s
moonwalking pink baby dinosaurs in sunglasses
yeah woooo good for you you said no to drugs and sent a kid who needed therapy and help to jail
i'm sure jail will cure his drug problems
gdi mj i said no crotchgrabs
you fucking pervert
WANNA BE COOL LIKE US?
JUST SAY NO
the end.
so in the end, the kid on drugs goes to jail without anyone attempting to see A) why he started B) what's going on in his home life C) who was selling to an 11 year old or D) if he had a support net of friends who would help in a bad situation.
and the kids who alienated him and used hateful language all get to go see a concert.
see i don't like this. it's rewarding people for being elitist and not helping those in need. it's encouraging people to turn away from others' problems, to treat them with scorn. "you got into this mess, so fuck you, get out without me." that's a horrible way to think and behave and treat people! especially people who might have once been your friends!
i think i might just form my own just say no club
but it's just saying No to judging people based on some wrinkled snakewoman's moral agenda.
want an extra dose of irony? enjoy this flinstones winston cigarette ad.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-13 01:35 pm (UTC)But yeahhh this isn't the right way to approach anythin' bout drugs :/
my god the KIDS VERSION shows pissed me off a lot as a kid. TOM AND JERRY KIDS!!1111
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-13 01:36 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-13 07:07 pm (UTC)The voice actress for the original Wilma died of lung cancer. She had been a cigarette smoker for most of her life. It was her wish that she could have appeared, as Wilma, in a non-smoking campaign for children. She died before she could have that chance.
This cartoon predates her death. It just. It's very. Strangely appropriate.
http://articles.sun-sentinel.com/1999-04-15/news/9904140936_1_jean-vander-pyl-michael-o-meara-wilma-flintstone
(no subject)
Date: 2012-07-14 01:05 pm (UTC)also i guess wilma's VA probably would have wanted to redirect the focus a little more on how smoking can ACTUALLY HARM you instead of just turning you into a snidley whiplash persona.