welcome to blaugust
Aug. 1st, 2025 02:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
not_funblaugust has begun
so i'm kind of tired and haven't given this entry much thought, it was finally below 70 at night so i tried to sleep with the window open but forgot about this thing called: humidity. that was my bad lmao
we've started audrey (the feral born orange cat) on anti anxiety topical medication that she is SUPPOSED to get twice a day, but she's very furtive and i couldn't get to her this morning. so right now she's getting it once a day. the main reason is to hopefully stop her territorial pee antics cuz i am tiiiiiiiired of washing waterproof blankets constantly. but if she also settles down and resumes letting us pet her on the couch, thatd be great. she really wants to be friends with cats and luna and ren are just tsundare old ladies. its quite sad. audrey was born into a life of stress, tho, being a 2020 baby. i cant say i blame her for her perpetually worried facial expression.
i'm working on doing art for an indie RPG game thats coming out, and its taking all my digital art energy. so i'm leaning away from doing digital commissions for the forseeable future. going to try to get streaming to return to analog with a webcam, and hopefully it'll also subtly improve treatment by non-regular customers to see the hands of a human working instead of just magical lines appearing like magic. im only a little worn out from folks claiming i agreed to let them pay only 15$ for a piece that's worth 50... and then having to go thru my email to find where they agreed to the 50 and show it to them x.x i know everyone says they hate email now, but honestly, if i didn't have that kind of un-editable record? i'd wind up operating at a loss. that's another reason i really dislike doing business via discord chats tbh
gotta remove a huge dead ash tree from our driveway, and we're kind of knocking around the cost for that. it's a lot. the town tree warden, i suspect, is a climate change denier. cuz when i approached the town last year about 3 dead ash trees overhanging electrical wires they said the tree warden thinks they're not dead (they were dead. trees die from the top down) and weren't a problem. i took down ones that threatened my house...and now the electrical plant is scrambling to alert me they need to remove one over the wires. the arborist i talked to who's a chill old hippie was telling me he's removed no less than 20 ash trees out of one piece of property. every ash tree in the area has died off in under 5 years. but the town tree warden says there's nothing happening, no issue! so solve it yourself, fuckers!!! it's.... a 2800$ bill to get the tree taken down, cuz its a HUGE tree several hundred years old. i revived an old gofundme asking for help with that but i haven't seen any traction. i mean, times are extremely tough. but owch, oof, ow.
im also in the middle of doctor shopping for a pretty pricey not-covered-by-BCBS gender affirming medical procedure. the outcome predictions are good, it really is just a money thing.
so ok america sucks right now here's your daily america sucks report: not only are all federally funded buildings now to deny trans folks access to the restroom (yeah just straight uP DENY US ACCESS) but also theyre being told they have to have photos of trump and vance in every office like full on dictator worship style. one friend who works in such a building noted that exactly 1 day after this was implemented, the photos had been suffering so many 'accidents' that they were removed as a vandalism hazard. so by all means, continue 'accidentally' knocking these things into the trash if you are also in that position. maybe they'll go away for you too.
uhhh i really gotta mail someone something from print club, but i also have coffee jitters rn. damb
yesterday while i was working i watched the horror movie mudbrick which i really enjoyed. it was very eastern european horror which i dont usually get to watch. there was a really absolutely great scene of destroying a nasty drippy wall, and the whole thing is very much a slow burn. i really enjoyed it but it was def more an artsy exploration of fear, family, generational trauma etc than it was a popcorn splatterfest.
im slowly working my way thru reading the immortal life of henrietta lacks because i've finally reached the point i can read about cancer research without triggering myself all up and down. but the story is still so heavy, so fucking heavy. so some days i only get a chapter in before i need to take a break. i have a couple shriley jackson books waiting in the wings when im done and i will go thru those lickity split i am sure.
inexplicably like a week before the entire internet started capitulating to payment processors demanding everyone share their personal information to prove they're over 18, i decided out of nowhere to invest in a dedicated mp3 player. good timing. i'm still waiting on the proprietary cables to arrive for the used sony walkman nw a55 but i'm excited to just fill the sd card with everything i have ever saved to mp3 and not have to depend on internet connectivity to listen.
im still wrangling a lot of anxiety. went up on venlafaxine, but venlafaxine never really did ANYTHING for my anxiety to begin with. and it hasn't done anything so far either. four more years until i can use sertraline again and stop tamoxifen for the cancer stuff. eyes on the prize. but one of the weird anxieties i have (as i apply for conventions) is that a no-longer-involved former-head of a boston based furcon mightve actually been HOPING i would die. i have no proof of this, but like, in 2019 i was talking a lot w a furry by the name of dogbomb who was dying from ALS. since id JUST got the stage 3 cancer diagnosis, there was a lot of hand shaking over dire medical news and how to move forward with it. dogbomb was a truly beloved person and the community rallied around him in his final days and hours with such love. everyone wanted him to know they would miss him, and conventions and events raised money for ALS research in his name when it was finally his chosen time. and during this time, the formerly-involved individual im anxious-thinking about was super super nice to me. but then when i ...survived my treatment? they started giving me a real cold shoulder. i honestly think they wanted me to die so they could have their very own hometown Dogbomb to rally around the death of... they were kind of very clout-seeking in that way. and i think that because i didn't die, they were angry with me for not enabling that plan. it's something that goes on in my anxious thoughts a lot. the knowledge that there are folks out there whose names i know who very much mightve (and STILL MIGHT) wish i'd die of cancer. it's heavy!! it fucks with you!! but all that really can be done is to extract myself from scenarios in which i might be adjecent to those individuals.
im back to painting my nails black to keep from nibbling on them nervously. in a few weeks i'll be tabling the local comic con... primarily selling off pokemon cards and plush to downsize my hoarde, but also selling some original stuff. i just know from experience original stuff isn't the market there. ah well, not everywhere can be as cool as MICE.
wish there were more hours in the day. i spend 4, 5 hrs working on art and then the rest running around doing adulting and chores and just don't have any left to do things like get cracking on webdesign. nothin for it tho.
my lil yamaha vino, red, is still off the road til we figure out whats goin on w her. prolly a clogged carb? but she sputtered gas all over her air fliter, and has been stalling a bunch, which is not ideal. its ok red i still support you. i just hope youre back on the road in time to enjoy fall weather.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa hows it past 3pm already fml i gotta go to the post office asap
see you tomorrow blaugusts
so i'm kind of tired and haven't given this entry much thought, it was finally below 70 at night so i tried to sleep with the window open but forgot about this thing called: humidity. that was my bad lmao
we've started audrey (the feral born orange cat) on anti anxiety topical medication that she is SUPPOSED to get twice a day, but she's very furtive and i couldn't get to her this morning. so right now she's getting it once a day. the main reason is to hopefully stop her territorial pee antics cuz i am tiiiiiiiired of washing waterproof blankets constantly. but if she also settles down and resumes letting us pet her on the couch, thatd be great. she really wants to be friends with cats and luna and ren are just tsundare old ladies. its quite sad. audrey was born into a life of stress, tho, being a 2020 baby. i cant say i blame her for her perpetually worried facial expression.
i'm working on doing art for an indie RPG game thats coming out, and its taking all my digital art energy. so i'm leaning away from doing digital commissions for the forseeable future. going to try to get streaming to return to analog with a webcam, and hopefully it'll also subtly improve treatment by non-regular customers to see the hands of a human working instead of just magical lines appearing like magic. im only a little worn out from folks claiming i agreed to let them pay only 15$ for a piece that's worth 50... and then having to go thru my email to find where they agreed to the 50 and show it to them x.x i know everyone says they hate email now, but honestly, if i didn't have that kind of un-editable record? i'd wind up operating at a loss. that's another reason i really dislike doing business via discord chats tbh
gotta remove a huge dead ash tree from our driveway, and we're kind of knocking around the cost for that. it's a lot. the town tree warden, i suspect, is a climate change denier. cuz when i approached the town last year about 3 dead ash trees overhanging electrical wires they said the tree warden thinks they're not dead (they were dead. trees die from the top down) and weren't a problem. i took down ones that threatened my house...and now the electrical plant is scrambling to alert me they need to remove one over the wires. the arborist i talked to who's a chill old hippie was telling me he's removed no less than 20 ash trees out of one piece of property. every ash tree in the area has died off in under 5 years. but the town tree warden says there's nothing happening, no issue! so solve it yourself, fuckers!!! it's.... a 2800$ bill to get the tree taken down, cuz its a HUGE tree several hundred years old. i revived an old gofundme asking for help with that but i haven't seen any traction. i mean, times are extremely tough. but owch, oof, ow.
im also in the middle of doctor shopping for a pretty pricey not-covered-by-BCBS gender affirming medical procedure. the outcome predictions are good, it really is just a money thing.
so ok america sucks right now here's your daily america sucks report: not only are all federally funded buildings now to deny trans folks access to the restroom (yeah just straight uP DENY US ACCESS) but also theyre being told they have to have photos of trump and vance in every office like full on dictator worship style. one friend who works in such a building noted that exactly 1 day after this was implemented, the photos had been suffering so many 'accidents' that they were removed as a vandalism hazard. so by all means, continue 'accidentally' knocking these things into the trash if you are also in that position. maybe they'll go away for you too.
uhhh i really gotta mail someone something from print club, but i also have coffee jitters rn. damb
yesterday while i was working i watched the horror movie mudbrick which i really enjoyed. it was very eastern european horror which i dont usually get to watch. there was a really absolutely great scene of destroying a nasty drippy wall, and the whole thing is very much a slow burn. i really enjoyed it but it was def more an artsy exploration of fear, family, generational trauma etc than it was a popcorn splatterfest.
im slowly working my way thru reading the immortal life of henrietta lacks because i've finally reached the point i can read about cancer research without triggering myself all up and down. but the story is still so heavy, so fucking heavy. so some days i only get a chapter in before i need to take a break. i have a couple shriley jackson books waiting in the wings when im done and i will go thru those lickity split i am sure.
inexplicably like a week before the entire internet started capitulating to payment processors demanding everyone share their personal information to prove they're over 18, i decided out of nowhere to invest in a dedicated mp3 player. good timing. i'm still waiting on the proprietary cables to arrive for the used sony walkman nw a55 but i'm excited to just fill the sd card with everything i have ever saved to mp3 and not have to depend on internet connectivity to listen.
im still wrangling a lot of anxiety. went up on venlafaxine, but venlafaxine never really did ANYTHING for my anxiety to begin with. and it hasn't done anything so far either. four more years until i can use sertraline again and stop tamoxifen for the cancer stuff. eyes on the prize. but one of the weird anxieties i have (as i apply for conventions) is that a no-longer-involved former-head of a boston based furcon mightve actually been HOPING i would die. i have no proof of this, but like, in 2019 i was talking a lot w a furry by the name of dogbomb who was dying from ALS. since id JUST got the stage 3 cancer diagnosis, there was a lot of hand shaking over dire medical news and how to move forward with it. dogbomb was a truly beloved person and the community rallied around him in his final days and hours with such love. everyone wanted him to know they would miss him, and conventions and events raised money for ALS research in his name when it was finally his chosen time. and during this time, the formerly-involved individual im anxious-thinking about was super super nice to me. but then when i ...survived my treatment? they started giving me a real cold shoulder. i honestly think they wanted me to die so they could have their very own hometown Dogbomb to rally around the death of... they were kind of very clout-seeking in that way. and i think that because i didn't die, they were angry with me for not enabling that plan. it's something that goes on in my anxious thoughts a lot. the knowledge that there are folks out there whose names i know who very much mightve (and STILL MIGHT) wish i'd die of cancer. it's heavy!! it fucks with you!! but all that really can be done is to extract myself from scenarios in which i might be adjecent to those individuals.
im back to painting my nails black to keep from nibbling on them nervously. in a few weeks i'll be tabling the local comic con... primarily selling off pokemon cards and plush to downsize my hoarde, but also selling some original stuff. i just know from experience original stuff isn't the market there. ah well, not everywhere can be as cool as MICE.
wish there were more hours in the day. i spend 4, 5 hrs working on art and then the rest running around doing adulting and chores and just don't have any left to do things like get cracking on webdesign. nothin for it tho.
my lil yamaha vino, red, is still off the road til we figure out whats goin on w her. prolly a clogged carb? but she sputtered gas all over her air fliter, and has been stalling a bunch, which is not ideal. its ok red i still support you. i just hope youre back on the road in time to enjoy fall weather.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa hows it past 3pm already fml i gotta go to the post office asap
see you tomorrow blaugusts
