like, what's the date, scoob?
Apr. 20th, 2013 11:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
not_funit's been a long time since i did a propaganda post, and i can't think of a better date to let it drop than today.
and certainly, i can't think of a better subject to tell you about the dangers of drugs than well...scooby doo.
...alright, that's bullshit, i can think of a MILLION characters who make a LOT more sense than having SCOOBY FUCKING DOO tell you stay off drugs. but none of them have half as many rediculous tweens, smears, or misguided writers.
shall we then?
the usual disclaimer applies. this post isn't meant to condone or condem recreational drug use and i'm pretty sure anyone reading this is enough of a grown up to make those choices for themselves. it's just poking fun at how fucked up it is to try to teach children to alienate others based on what could be a substance abuse issue. ALIENATING OTHERS IS ALWAYS A GOOD WAY TO MAKE THE WORLD BETTER RIGHT okay let's get to it.
HEY MOTHERFUCKER IT'S THE 90S
our mystery/propaganda unfolds at the beach. does this marine institute have a slide on the roof? why does a marine institute need smokestacks? ARCHITECT: ONCELER
in case you missed the memo, "a pup named scooby doo" was one of those studio revivals where the characters were all made to be...younger for....some reason. i guess they thought it'd make them appeal to a NEW GENERATION OF KIDS but the fact of the matter is
1) it's awful
2) they don't act much like their originals apart from shaggy and scooby
and 3) kids liked the original scooby doo cast, there was no real need to change it up.
also why are there huge oil drums at the beach near the marine institute?
speaking of shaggy and scooby
yes, that's them. WELCOME TO THE ART STYLE FOLKS IT'LL BE HERE ALL DAY
who rides a bike on sand at high speeds
that's like, instant wipe-out
i guess that answers two questions. the oil drums and the bike on sand.
okay, here's my first issue with this cartoon. it does a ton of just really pointless time filler departures from story and mystery that are just...i guess MEANT to be funny? but fall completely flat. not unlike the original scooby doo, but i guess in the original it was always a little more...on-model. stuff about shgaggy and scooby constantly looking for food behind everyone's back and stuff. I DUNNO YOU'LL SEE MORE OF WHAT I MEAN LATER
ANYWAY they're all at this marine institute because that's where velma's aunt works. there's some kind of mystery and, just like always, the gang solves mysteries.
daphne puts on her KILLING FACE.
i guess i should give a real quick rundown on how the characters differ from their typical counterparts. scooby and shaggy are mostly unchanged. velma is her typical nerdy self, but for some reason they made her really young. and shy. and softspoken. and almost like an alien, like i dunno how to describe it. she just feels unrelatable. i guess that'd be the 90s having NO IDEA what do do with NEEEEEEEERDS for you. daphne never had much of a character to start with, but now she's just kinda bitchy and controlling. also a neat freak, i guess?? and rich??? like molly ringwald in the breakfast club, for some reason. and fred...
man i don't even know. it's like they replaced his brain with rat droppings.
anyway it's the beach FUCK THIS MYSTERY LET'S DO WHAT WE DO AT THE BEACH
no scooby not that i didn't bring any baggies
abra-ca
SMEAR
there's a lot of wild takes in this show. don't mind me, i'll just be SHOWING YOU ALL OF THEM.
RUN FRED'S GOING TO EAT OUR HEADS
....yeah i think i had a beach outfit like that in the 90s.
lookin cool dudes
LOOKIN RADICAL
fred, beset with indignation at the fact that they dare delay the onset of the mystery, transforms into a gorilla.
daphne what are you looking at
shaggy and scooby protest that HEY LOOK I MEAN WE'RE AT THE BEACH LET'S. JUST. DO SOME. BEACH THINGS OKAY??? pleaseeeeeeee
LIKE LISTEN TO SOME BEACH TUNES
scooby begins the ballet
you're welcome for this.
aw yeah gettin funky
gettin down with the groove
daphne shuts off the radio and points out that look anyone who hired a bunch of ten year olds to solve a mystery ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT WAIT AND WILL NOT TOLERATE UNPROFESSIONAL BEHAVIOR i mean really it's not like we're children or something
shaggy tries to distract her by folding himself into a hovering UFOman
NOPE DIDN'T HEAR THAT ME AND MY ENORMOUS HANDS ARE GOING SURFING
OH GOD THE OCEAN HAS WATER HOW DID THIS HAPPEN
yep. that's whatcha get.
the 90s, when literally any cool dude knew how to skateboard and surf.
although i think that's more the grin of someone who is trying to avoid being probed by aliens than enjoying surfing. and hey is that a monster?
M-M-MONSTERRRRRRRRRRRR
QUICK RUN TO SHORE
QUICK EVERYONE STAND VERY STILL TREMBLING IN TERROR
hi kids i'm scooby doo
say no to drugs
what's that boy you want me to get you some rakes
scooby this is hardly the time to begin a zen garden
BACKWARDS KARATE CHOP YOUR BEST FRIEND
a good cyclops smear is worth a thousand words
yep still just freaking out and screaming, no point in running away or anything. not like you guys FIGHT MONSTERS ON A DAILY BASIS
daphne gets with the program
fred just reaaaaally needs to pee
fred's haircut really weirds me out. i mean jesus that's like serious flattop 50s style going on.
beach yoga is effective, but you get sand everywhere
anyway, obviously this early in the episode the monster and mystery aren't introduced yet. so what IS introduced is...
Redd Herring. yes, that's his name. yes, they created him just for this show. no, he serves ABSOLUTELY NO PURPOSE aside being a stereotypical bully and popping up in monster costumes to scare them.
also fred is constantly accusing him of being guilty, because like i said. brain replaced with rat droppings.
well i gotta hand it to you, stalking us all the way to the beach and holding your breath for an hour until we paddled out to surf just to spook us shows dedication. props on that, redd.
i think this lobster just wants to make friends
special friends.
DON'T RUN BABY I JUST WANNA HOLD YA
hi kids we're the scooby doo gang
school is cool pot is not
see that leg smear? that's how velma walks. also her aunt. it really annoyed me because WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE WHAT
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS
what she actually says is "greetings, relation. i am gratified to have you at my place of vocation." unfortunately she doesn't shout BEEP BOOP at the end of it.
:Y
anyway velma's aunt, sole proprietor of the marine institute, says that her dolphins are all missing. she's not sure if they've been stolen or if the monster has scared them away but that's why she called in the gang.
DOLPHINS
wait no i mean MONSTERS
scoobert
put down that doobert
i have a disproportionate amount of propaganda dealing with people getting stoned/drunk/wild and stupid on the beach. add this to the pile.
ANYWAY everyone sobers up and heads to the institute, and the dolphin paddock. i gotta admit this is a pretty cool idea. i wonder if some marine institutes actually do this, just have an open paddock that wild dolphins can wander in/out of to hang out with humans.
DOLPHINS???????????/
velma's aunt uses her dolphin summoning call while scooby decides to go for a swim
that fucking duck you guys
jesus
THAT FUCKING DUCK YOU GUYS
anyone gonna give a reaction to being drenched? no?
guess not. crack is wack.
MY GOD THERE'S SOMETHING ALIVE IN THIS OCEAN
DOLPHIN!!!!!!!!!
anyway this crime against nature is skipper
skipper is the only remaining dolphin, and because tracking animals is a technology far beyond this marine institute's understanding, they have no way of knowing where the other dolphins went or are going. even though a solitary dolphin without a pod is p unusual and YOU'D. THINK. SKIPPER. WOULD KNOW. WHERE. THEY ARE.
scooby is not sold on this dolphin getting all the attention.
so he does a magic trick and SKIPPER BITES OFF HIS HAND JESUS
if a dolphin nearly tore my arm out of my socket, my face would be stuck like this for a little while too.
BUT WHAT'S THAT SOUND
THAT OMINIOUS CRY OF "OH DUUUUUUUUUDE"
WHAT'S THAT COMING OVER THE HILL
IS IT A MONSTER
IS IT A MONSTER????
it's a hilariously 90s monster, with a bit of a muddled sense of season. can you imagine how long this guy must have been hunting around for someone who will deliver ripe pumpkins to the beach in the middle of summer?
WILD TAKES YES I LOVE THEM
yessssssss
hey there's golden plates in here
i'm gonna found my own religion
take a good long moment to let your eye walk over the faces in this screencap. really soak that in.
you know if it wasn't for his arms i'd have a hard time telling if this monster was facing frontwards or backwards. but i do really like his sharky skateboard. raaaa
I'M A HAT WITH LEGS AND I'M GETTIN THE FUCK OUTTA HERE
everyone fled into the aquarium room (why...wouldn't it just be...the display room.... i don't)
WAIT FOR HATSCOOBY GUYS
weeeeeeee and the monster breaks its wrist trying to ride through the doorway holding the pumpkin up
COME OUT DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDES
the monster 200% has a surfer accent. he is the headless skateboarder. this is our villain. this is our cover-up for a drug ring. this guy. this. guy.
because the cops would never investigate reports of a skateboarder behaving erraticly harassing the locals in the 90s.
point in fact: you know those 'no skateboarding' signs that you RARELY SEE ANYMORE? those are mostly a relic of the 90s. they plastered those fucking things everywhere in hopes of warding off teenagers. there was a huge stigma i guess that skateboarders were a BAD ELEMENT even though they were just...hanging out and practicing tricks and stuff. OH NO THEY MIGHT ATTEMPT A KICKFLIP OUTSIDE MY STORE, THEY COULD FALL DOWN AND HAVE A SKINNED KNEE I CAN'T HANDLE THIS GET OUT OF HERE YOU KIDS
shaggy did you seriously attach starfish to your nipples
that's an....interesting fetish but hey whatever
I SIMPLY HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THOSE MEDDLING KIDS AND THAT PUPPY GOT TO
I REALLY SHOULD HAVE PUT EYEHOLES IN MY MONSTER SUIT.
jesus scooby what is that face
good thing the monster barely expended a modicome of effort searching for us and is now gone.
that horrible high-pitched sonic shriek of death? that's the sound of a dolphin being kidnapped.
scooby you look kind of pleased to see the arm-eating dolphin is gone
can't blame you.
jesus does my nose really look like that
scooby that has to hurt
beach yoga must really do wonders
HE'S ON THE TRAIL
you know i'm kind of shocked that none of these run poses are too horrible
i have the oddest feeling the monster is not the hot dog vendor
SCOOBY THIS IS NOT HELPING US SOLVE THE MYSTERY OF THE KIDNAPPED DOLPHINS GDI
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
what actually happened (try not to be distracted by scooby's horrifying teeth) is that velma said 'jinkies.'
normally that just meant she'd reach a conclusion. but in a pup named scooby doo, it's about as subtle as a giant blue pawprint for blue's clues.
VELMA SAYS JINKIES -> THERE IS A CLUE
the clue happens to be a jellybean
why is that a clue
are we just lumping it into the clue catagory because it, too, is out of season?
i've solved the mystery, the dolphin-napper is a frustrated discount holiday supply store salesman.
STAND BACK THAT JELLYBEAN MIGHT BE BOOBYTRAPPED
WE GOTTA EAT IT TO BE SURE
"icarus" you say "when does this turn into propaganda"
i...eventually.
found some GRAPES
beachpita
i would not eat mysterious food i found lying on the sidewalk at the beach. all other concerns aside, it'd be all sandy and gritty.
I DUNNO WHO LEFT THIS WHOLE ROASTED CHICKEN BY THE CHANGING ROOMS AND I DON'T CARE
GONNA EAT THE HELL OUT OF IT
say no to drugs
but thumbs up to encouraging childhood obesity through shameless overeating
looks like someone wants to shaaaaare
now that's a wild take
jesus fred wild take'd his EAR off
SAVE THE ROAST CHICKEN
oh.
EVERYONE QUICK
INTO THAT GIANT CLOWN PANTLEG
i regret our choice immediately
well now they've warped to world 4-20 you can't get them
a surprise to no one, it's just redd herring.
like i said, this particular show suffered from enormous departures from the actual mystery. i'm really thinking it was more a result of exceptionally flimsy writing than anything else. like they couldn't come up with enough of a mystery or clues to support a full 20 minute episode, so they just stuffed a bunch of distracting filler into it.
uhoh looks like someone isn't totally taken with your pranks, redd.
WENDY OLDBAG IN A CARNIVAL MASK
POINTING CONTEST
EURODANCE CONTEST
oldbag chases redd off after accusing him of causing all the chaos on the beach and being the monster. MAKES SENSE I MEAN HE WAS KIND OF WEARING THE EXACT OUTFIT AND TERRORIZING PEOPLE WHEN SHE SHOWED UP
while oldbag is torturing redd, velma discovers dripping water. on the beach. THAT'S ONE HELL OF A CLUE.
my god what would this person who is employed as beach security be doing with all of this scuba gear and aquatic equipment
this sure is suspicious (my god who wrote this shit)
youthful oldbag introduces herself as "sandy sneakers"
which just makes me think of sandy fries, who wrote propaganda episodes for both jem and thundercats :o
WHY DO YOU
A BEACH EMPLOYEE
HAVE BEACH AND OCEANIC RESCUE EQUIPMENT IN YOUR JEEP FOR WORKING AT THE BEACH
totally got her stumped with this one i am a super slueth
I WORK AT THE BEACH YOU DRIBBLING SIMPLETON
i swear to god she really looks like wendy oldbag.
well that was the stupidest lead in the world and there is no concievable way that any court of law could tie anything there to a conviction so where to next
before we can address that issue
SURFERDUDE shows up
please note: surfers = perfectly okay
skaters = trouble
which to me is really bizzare because quite honestly in the 90s, the two were practically interchangable to the common ten year old. and even more surreal when you consider that the surf lifestyle of being a beach bum really seems like it would be more vulnerable to propaganda's mechanations than skating, which was usually the past time of teenagers and young adults who were still in school or had part-time jobs.
but whatever
this is GNARLY CHARLIE.
gnarly charlie hates crowds and hates the marine institute for attracting crowds, because they inconvenience his surfing.
i feel you there, gnarly charlie. a really crowded beach is no fun at all.
velma just quietly typing curse words into her computer. or just keyboard smashing the number row while holding down shift.
!;()?/#:
GNARLY CHARLIE YOUR HEAD INFLATED
ACID MUST BE KICKIN INNNNNN
anyway gnarlie charlie runs off to surf, so where to now?
oh come on you guys
there was a skate park right next to hte marina and it WASN'T the first place you looked for clues about the SKATEBOARDING GHOST?
i don't think you're taking your mystery very seriously.
skate park, water park, mini golf course...
you decide. clearly the art team has never seen a skate park.
i wonder if they're open
hi al
i see you share my disdain for shoes
here's our business card. you will notice it's blank, and that's because we're not a real business. we're just a bunch of ten year olds who think you're hiding a skateboarding headless zombie in your park. mind if we look around?
al seriously looks like he robbed a cross section of saved by the bell and bedrock for that outfit.
huh he has giant bags under his eyes and runs the skate park but this couldn't be our culprit COULD IT GUYS??????????
al says he couldn't possibly be the ghost because he doesn't know how to skateboard
he doesn't even know how this thing got in his hands
how do you even hold it is this the bottom or the side or what
fred's face-stretch assures al they'll only nose around his park without a warrent for really important things. like stolen dolphins. you're not hiding any of those are you? ha ha ha.
okay one: what's under that tarp
and two: how did he get grass to grow on soil that sandy
scooby just barfed an arm and his tail turned into an arrow
flashbacks to the point!
OHHHHHH DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDES
DUN. DUN. DUNNNNNNNNNNN
DON'T GO IN MY SHED DUUUUUUUUUUUUDES
mercy i do believe shaggy may faint
and SMEAR AWAY!
don't mind me, i just like dramatic lighting for lightning strikes.
NOT THE PUMPKIN NOOOO
...i really like dramatic lighting for lightning strikes.
wait, velma has an idea :o
hwup
uh huh
uuuuuuh huh
oh i know i really shouldn't skate up this ramp but it's the only one in the park and it's just so tempting
weeeeee
i regret nothiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing
fred
fred your face
well i'd say congratulate me for getting rid of the monster, but according to the plot clock he'll be back in 12 seconds and we'll need to further stall any time spent on the actual mystery
suavest monster
WAIT WAIT WAIT we're not ready for the obligatory chase sequence yet
SAFETY EQUIPMENT CHECK (that'll stall for time right?)
yeah that's my face too
WEIRD BOXY HELMETS THAT LOOK LIKE THEY BELONG IN A HOLLYWOOD GLADIATORS PORNO KNOCKOFF?
check
kneepads that nobody ever wore skating because you didn't want to look like your dad laying new tile in the kitchen
check
elbowpads nobody in their right mind would wear skating because if you did you looked like a complete pussy
OH MY GOD CAN WE ACTUALLY GET TO A PROPAGANDA MESSAGE SOME TIME TODAY
sorry, the writers really just need to miander around in confusion a while longer. give us a minute.
looks like we're ready
here, distribute these to the audience and we'll be back in ten years
once we've decided on a plot
oh my god this is so stupiiiiiiiiiiiiid
motorized skateboard in the colours of the mystery machine?
why not!
IT'S NOT A SKATEBOARD IF IT'S GOT A MOTOR ON IT GDI THAT'S JUST A SCOOTER WITH NO STEERING MECHANISIM
kisses from a pumpkin
1$
say no to drugs
but needlessly burning fossil fuels and making huge smog clouds from it is okay
90s
AND STAY OUT YOU MEDDLING KIDS
JESUS SCOOBY
anyway obviously they don't stay out and immediately return later that night to snoop around the shed the monster was protecting some more. do these guys ever sleep?
scooby are you part dachsund?
daphne is not commiting to this mystery at all
nope just part sharpei, my bad
snooping around a skatepark at night which has at the very least a dangerous criminal hiding something inside when no adults know we're here
what could go wrong?
quality animation, curtosy of hanna barbera.
you know they have great faith in their background art department's ability to convey a mess when they do this.
I HATE SLIGHTLY DIRTY ROOMS THAT MAY CONTAIN EVIDENCE. I HATE UNDISTURBED CRIME SCENES. THEY JUST PISS ME OFF.
so she....actually cleans the room.
moral here: if you think you've stumbled upon a criminal scene, TOUCH EVERYTHING AND ERASE EVERY TRACE OF EVIDENCE. the police will only thank you.
again, this served no purpose except to fill time and make a failed attempt at humor. FOAM PACKING PEANUTS, FILLING THE BOX TOO LARGE FOR THE PLOT THEY PUT IT IN.
gee that's strange, there's like 400 trophies all commemorating al's stunning ability to skateboard here. and yet he told us he had no idea how to skateboard. hmmmmm
ah yes, the awards for fartskating and the skater ho-down
not easy awards to win
velma decides to check al's wiki page to see why he might have all these trophies hidden away in a dusty room he never goes to and lie about his ability to skate. surely there could be no great shame in his past that he can't bear to look back on his history of success because of.
this is my new boyfriend
and his bio says he clcLi'un'citi nn'voNcNc'cc clVcccifc!
wikipedia is as helpful as ever
OO OO THERE'S A HEADING THAT SAYS SCANDLE AND CONTROVERSY
READ THAT
pssst u guys holdin
anyway you guys ready for the bomb to drop
al was in jail
in jail
for
drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOW I HATE HIM NOW THAT I KNOW HE DID JAILTIME ONCE FOR A POSESSION CHARGE
ME TOO, PEOPLE WHO HAVE THEIR LIVES RUINED BY ONE YOUTHFUL MISSTEP THAT POTENTIALLY ENDANGERED NO ONE AT ALL REALLY DESERVE TO BE HOUNDED FOR ALL ETERNITY FOR THAT MISTAKE
LET'S GO BERATE HIM RIGHT NOW
NO I DON'T CARE IF IT'S 2 AM LET'S GO
no fred i said berate not masturbate
i'm being stalked by ten year olds who wake me up and scream at me about doing jail time as a teen
because the entirity of child-focused american media in this decade tells them to treat me like a subhuman piece of trash once they learn i ever had anything to do with drugs
i'm just gonna cry
(fair reaction)
you tell me how you get a chin so large and you tell me right this minute
oh you want to ask me about my chinbutt workout tapes? that's different
HA PSYCHE
STUPID DRUGGIE
I BET YOU'RE ON DRUGS BECAUSE OF MONSTERS EH EHHHHHH
al responds in what to me is a really sympathetic appeal.
he explains that he used to be a really good skater, one of the best. but then he got mixed up in the wrong crowd (it happens to all of us, and hey, the potential is much greater when you're famous) and wound up doing time.
once he got out of jail he tried to pick up the pieces by starting a skate park. AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ANY OF THIS.
IN FACT, IF ANYTHING, THIS RIGHT HERE SHOULD BE WHERE AL BECOMES THEIR FRIENDA ND ALLY. BECAUSE THIS IS AN ACTUAL, REAL PROBLEM. people who mess up once and go to jail for a relatively minor charge still have to carry that charge on their record. there's really VERY FEW states that won't fire you if it turns out you were in posession of minor quantities of pot as a teen.
you could be a good worker, an excellent citizen, never have gotten so much as a traffic ticket since that one time you were caught - but it doesn't matter, you've been marked with a black spot. it becomes extremely difficult to get back into a 'straight and narrow' life with that. IF ANYTHING, THIS UNWILLINGNESS OF THE AMERICAN WORKFORCE'S COMMANDING MEMBERS TO FORGIVE AND FORGET IS WHAT ENCOURAGES PEOPLE TO HAVE TO RESORT TO CRIME TO SUPPORT THEMSELVES.
that said i have the utmost respect for the state of california. on their job applications it prettymuch says "were you ever arrested? ps if it was for pot we don't care, so just say no."
anyway, learning this they leave al alone and assure him they'll catch the monster. so...i guess the gang is willing to forgive him his crimes. as should we all. right?
ZOIKS, IT'S A GIANT MARIJUANA BUSH
LET'S BLAZE IT SCOOB wait
FUCK THIS I'M GOING TO RIO
what actually happened is redd herring was rustling around in the bush, and he jumps out.
he explains wendy oldbag has been chasing him since yesterday and he wants to hire the gang to clear his name of the crime. since you know, he isn't really the skateboarding ghost.
nope still going to rio. someone toss me in as carry-on, i'm sick of this shit.
JESUS FRED DON'T MAKE THAT FACE, I JUST ASKED FOR YOUR HELP
aaaaand they agree to help redd and he sneaks away in his bush disguise.
again, another pointless departure from the mystery to fill time. FOAM PEANUTS EVERYWHERE
say no to drugs kids
look how paranoid scooby's getting back there
well we're completely out of places to search, gotta search the ENTIRE OCEAN next
but velma we didn't search the parking lot or the coastline or talk to life guards or search the marine institute's dolphin corral for clues or-
NOPE SEARCHED EVERYWHERE.
OCEAN.
scooby might consider searching the ocean if you gave him a scooby snack.
cause you know, drugs are bad.
but depending on an outside substance to give you confidence and comfort and encourage you to do potentially life-threatening things is totally okay if it's food.
FEED ME SHAGGYYYYY
FEED ME ALL NIGHT LOOOOOOOONG
YOU CAN DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
anyway scooby eats a scooby snack and they go into the ocean
pssssst
you kids wanna buy some drugs
is it just me or does scooby's face look more like adult!scooby here?
oh it's just you
here to fill more time accusing them of not working on the case of clearing your good name
no one makes a joke about fishing for herring
no one
not one person
redd goes THAT'S NOT VERY FUNNY which i swear to god was his catchphrase.
god i hate catchphrases whyyyyyyyy were they so forced in the 90s
well now that pointless waste of time is past, let's get back to the mystery. LOOK, A CAVE.
IT'S FULL OF GHOOOOOOOOOSTS
i love a good wild take that stretches costumes.
anyway, at this point there's actually a musical chase sequence. i didn't record the music, because i felt lazy, but it's like a really REALLY bad mix between white-guy jazz and reggae and banana boat that's just inconcievably horrible.
musical chase sequences were a regular thing in A Pup Named Scooby Doo, just every episode had one for some reason. i guess to fill time. MORE FILLER, MOOOOOOOOOORE
psst bub
i don't take kindly to pumpkin pushers in my neighborhood
yeah that's right you better run
i got nine legs and that extra limb is exclusively for kicking your ass.
anyway after the stupid musical chase sequence, the monster completely forgets it was guarding the cave and the gang swims in.
gj monster gj
OH HEY WE FOUND THE DOLPHINS THROUGH RANDOM CHANCE
WE'RE THE BEST
huh
looks like the jetsons are behind the kidnapping
actually they're remote controls that control the dolphins (HOW?????????????????)
and the dolphins, who need i remind you swim in the water are wearing little backpacks
backpacks which contain
BROWN LUMPS
i mean DRUGS
OH MY GOD NOT THE DREADED BROWN LUMP DRUG
what would that even be, i think of brown lumps and all i can think of is like mushy tabacco. maybe hashish? but isn't that cut in bricks??
well whatever it is, smuggling it by REMOTE CONTROLLED DOLPHIN is a terrible idea because 1) salt water destroys electronics 2) salt water ALSO PROBABLY DESTROYS DRUGS, I WOULD THINK.
fred found stairs
gj fred
hey velma do you think we should turn those drugs over to the police
wh...what drugs hahahahahahaha i don't know where they went or what you're talking about heh. heh hehhehehehehehehehe i can see the universe being born
welp having stumbled upon dolphins and a drug smuggling gang they've decided they KNOW WHO THE CULPRIT IS.
i'm sure you saw this coming a million miles away, but think objectively about the evidence they've got. what links al to the monster?
1) skateboards
2) his one time in jail for posession
I'M SORRY BUT THAT'S KINDA FUCKIN FLIMSY AND REALLY JUDGEMENTAL IF YOU ASK ME
hi al, hi gnarly charlie. we're about to catch the monster. but first we're going to snoop around your shed more. so if one of you is the monster, you really should show up immediately cause it'd be convenient for us and really help us collar you
as any good criminal knows you get 30x more active when investigators are closing in on your operation. there's no such thing as lying low.
oh by the way we cleaned your shack earlier so any actual evidence of you coming or going has been erradicated. so really, if you don't show up as the monster now, the police will have nothing on you. OKAY BYE HAHAHA
hmm think he'll take the bait
of course he will
i do love telescope-eyes. i also love that shaggy prettymuch collapsed his body here.
i'm sure al actually watched us climb up here with all this equipment, but he'll be so distracted by shaggy and scooby that our plan is flawless. FLAWLESS I SAY
their plan is to drop a radio control collar onto al.
guys
guys
he has no head in his costume
how are they going to drop it over his neck
his costume
has
no
head
or
neck
i
can't
augh
HIIIIIIII GUYS WE'RE BEING CHASED BY A MURDEROUS MONSTER WHO'S RUNNING A DRUG SMUGGLING RING
DON'T WORRY ABOUT US
woooooooooooooooops
i wonder how many kids went sailing directly into that weird ghost at the top of that hill
maybe that's why al's business is bad, his skate park is prettymuch a DEATH TRAP.
fred no stay sober for the final chase damnit
you can't tell, because the animation is terrible. but scooby is flying through the air and slams into their judge stand. i swear that's what happens.
oh no the collar is falling around scooby
who could have predicted this
oh no the remote is switching on
who could have predicted this
in the grand tradition of scooby doo, a monster capturing plan goes fantasticly awry.
at least they kept that consistant.
>:(
SHOOOOOOOOOOOM
man those poor dolphins, imagine the remote just says FLY 20 FEET STRAIGHT UP and WOOSH away they go. directly into airplanes.
guuuuuuuuuummy beaaaaaaars
bouncing here and there and everywhere
high adventure that's beyond compare
gummy beaaaaaaaaars
they'll save the world and kick some ass
then they'll go back home and smoke some grass
wait wrong cartoon
INCOMING PUPPY
how did this even happen
what are you guys even doing
KARATE KICK
I'M SAVIN THE DAY
fortuitiously, scooby's butt smooshes the remote.
thanks for saving us from that forced bullshit, scooby.
gdi shaggy just cause scooby goes flying around, you want to too?
someone should teach you about the dangers of peer pressure.
velma are you feeling okay
good thing when scooby kicked that monster it grabbed a net and threw it over itself
and then never figured out the basics of escaping from under tarps
gj gang gj
so how did the pumpkin manage to move its mouth and eyes like that, what's going on inside here? a complex series of animatronics on a convincing latex model of a pumpkin?
A SINGLE SPEAKER. THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHI- wait that doesn't explain anything at all.
uh daphne
your eye is a little...nevermind
GET OUT OF MY FACE WOMAN, I KNOW WHO STOLE THE DOLPHINS AND SMUGGLED DRUGS
JEEZ
8> says daphne
anyway down the list of suspects. oldbag is a suspect because.....she had scuba gear in her car.
how damning.
shaggy's face will forever give me nightmares
anyway gnarly charlie is a suspect because he likes a quiet beach.
you guys have the worst suspect list ever.
SUSPECT THREE IS REDD HERRING
FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN THAT HE IS ALWAYS A SUSPECT. FOREVER AND EVER.
oh right i forgot you were paying us not to suspect you
my bad
remember future slueths: if someone pays you money to say they're innocent, they're always innocent.
but of course he's none of these suspects
he's al.
yes that's a costume being removed and don't think too hard about how he hid his head and neck seemlessly inside it.
HE WAS SELLING DRUGS
DRUGS
BECAUSE HE DID IT ONCE AND THAT MEANS HE'LL ALWAYS DO IT AGAIN
ONCE YOU BECOME INVOLVED IN DRUGS YOU ARE A CRIMINAL FOR LIFE
NO IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE THAT HE'D SAVE UP AND OPEN A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS IN LINE WITH HIS PASSIONS FOR SKATEBOARDING AND THEN THROW IT ALL AWAY TO SMUGGLE DRUGS BY DOLPHINBACK BUT THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED
REMEMBER KIDS
IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW EVER TOUCHED DRUGS ONCE
THEY WILL ALWAYS STAB YOU IN THE BACK AND RUIN LIVES TO TRY TO PUSH DRUGS ON OTHERS IN THE FUTURE
NO EXCEPTIONS
NO FORGIVENESS
fuck you, 90s propaganda
my own pet theory is that he was just disguised as a ghost because he didn't want to be outed and lose customers while he cruised the beach looking for a hunky surfer to be his boyfriend
i mean why else would he just be hanging out with gnarly charlie
OLDBAG'S TAKING YOU IN
wait gnarly charlie why are you here now
uh. huh.
so oldbag is helping al in drug smuggling by.......... doing what exactly? letting him borrow scuba equipment, maybe? I'M NOT FOLLOWING HER GUILT HERE
also gnarly charlie is an undercover FBI agent.
no don't ask for his ID and don't ask why an FBI agent is on a case reserved for the ATF just accept it
headcanon: gnarly charlie is actually the drug smuggler ring leader and was just doing this so these stupid kids would go away. later he apologises to al, offers him a dime bag, al politely declines and oldbag spends the next ten years spying on them because she has the hots for charlie. THE END
or not.
anyway the dolphins are back, mystery solved.
AND I AIN'T PAYIN YOU CHUMPS CAUSE YOU DIDN'T CLEAR MY NAME
BECAUSE CLEARING MY NAME WAS RELATED TO ANOTHER CASE, WHICH MEANS YOU DIDN'T SOLVE MY CASE SOMEHOW. I'M SURE THAT WORKS FOR DEBT COLLECTION COURT RIGHT
let me just causally not watch where i'm going
OH NO I FELL OVER
hahaha the dolphins are trying to kill him
that's adorable
420 blaze it, scoob.
so, what did we learn today?
well, we learned that the 90s not only worked to alienate children from potential drug users who could use help - it also worked to alienate them from anyone who MIGHT have used drugs in the past, paid their debt to society, and gone straight. it encouraged them to eye any one-time user with suspicion and encouraged them to feel any hardship they endured subsequently as a result of not being able to escape their own record was all justified.
and that's bullshit. good people suffer because of this kind of thinking. if someone is a stupid teenager and gets caught and later becomes a straight-laced hard working adult, they shouldn't be forced to live a sub-par life because of that one youthful mistake. the legal system in addition to the social system needs to work towards forgiveness. social's on its way - with recent studies showing 51% of americans no longer feeling marijuana smoking is necessarily worth prosecuting - but legal still lags behind.
that should change. if someone is a good member of society in all other capacities, why does it matter what they do for recreation, provided no one else is endangered or hurt? JUST. SAYIN'.
we also learned that hanna barbera was so incredibly misguided and lost in the 1990s that it actually made a cartoon in which the scooby doo detective agency worked to fight drug crime.
and, we learned that SKATEBOARDERS ARE BAAAAAAAAAAD NEWS. BUT SURFERS ARE FINE. why? because surfers are usually in their 20s or 30s. AND SKATERS ARE TYPICALLY KIDS. NO GOOD HOOLIGAN KIDS, ALL SELLING AND BUYING AND DOING DRUGS. AND WE ALL SAY NO TO DRUGS, RIGHT???
.....RIGHT????
have a good one, dudes.
oh, and don't miss chris's wonderful commentary on the anti-drug episode of "Defenders of the Earth"! it's every bit as splendid.
and certainly, i can't think of a better subject to tell you about the dangers of drugs than well...scooby doo.
...alright, that's bullshit, i can think of a MILLION characters who make a LOT more sense than having SCOOBY FUCKING DOO tell you stay off drugs. but none of them have half as many rediculous tweens, smears, or misguided writers.
shall we then?
the usual disclaimer applies. this post isn't meant to condone or condem recreational drug use and i'm pretty sure anyone reading this is enough of a grown up to make those choices for themselves. it's just poking fun at how fucked up it is to try to teach children to alienate others based on what could be a substance abuse issue. ALIENATING OTHERS IS ALWAYS A GOOD WAY TO MAKE THE WORLD BETTER RIGHT okay let's get to it.
HEY MOTHERFUCKER IT'S THE 90S
our mystery/propaganda unfolds at the beach. does this marine institute have a slide on the roof? why does a marine institute need smokestacks? ARCHITECT: ONCELER
in case you missed the memo, "a pup named scooby doo" was one of those studio revivals where the characters were all made to be...younger for....some reason. i guess they thought it'd make them appeal to a NEW GENERATION OF KIDS but the fact of the matter is
1) it's awful
2) they don't act much like their originals apart from shaggy and scooby
and 3) kids liked the original scooby doo cast, there was no real need to change it up.
also why are there huge oil drums at the beach near the marine institute?
speaking of shaggy and scooby
yes, that's them. WELCOME TO THE ART STYLE FOLKS IT'LL BE HERE ALL DAY
who rides a bike on sand at high speeds
that's like, instant wipe-out
i guess that answers two questions. the oil drums and the bike on sand.
okay, here's my first issue with this cartoon. it does a ton of just really pointless time filler departures from story and mystery that are just...i guess MEANT to be funny? but fall completely flat. not unlike the original scooby doo, but i guess in the original it was always a little more...on-model. stuff about shgaggy and scooby constantly looking for food behind everyone's back and stuff. I DUNNO YOU'LL SEE MORE OF WHAT I MEAN LATER
ANYWAY they're all at this marine institute because that's where velma's aunt works. there's some kind of mystery and, just like always, the gang solves mysteries.
daphne puts on her KILLING FACE.
i guess i should give a real quick rundown on how the characters differ from their typical counterparts. scooby and shaggy are mostly unchanged. velma is her typical nerdy self, but for some reason they made her really young. and shy. and softspoken. and almost like an alien, like i dunno how to describe it. she just feels unrelatable. i guess that'd be the 90s having NO IDEA what do do with NEEEEEEEERDS for you. daphne never had much of a character to start with, but now she's just kinda bitchy and controlling. also a neat freak, i guess?? and rich??? like molly ringwald in the breakfast club, for some reason. and fred...
man i don't even know. it's like they replaced his brain with rat droppings.
anyway it's the beach FUCK THIS MYSTERY LET'S DO WHAT WE DO AT THE BEACH
no scooby not that i didn't bring any baggies
abra-ca
SMEAR
there's a lot of wild takes in this show. don't mind me, i'll just be SHOWING YOU ALL OF THEM.
RUN FRED'S GOING TO EAT OUR HEADS
....yeah i think i had a beach outfit like that in the 90s.
lookin cool dudes
LOOKIN RADICAL
fred, beset with indignation at the fact that they dare delay the onset of the mystery, transforms into a gorilla.
daphne what are you looking at
shaggy and scooby protest that HEY LOOK I MEAN WE'RE AT THE BEACH LET'S. JUST. DO SOME. BEACH THINGS OKAY??? pleaseeeeeeee
LIKE LISTEN TO SOME BEACH TUNES
scooby begins the ballet
you're welcome for this.
aw yeah gettin funky
gettin down with the groove
daphne shuts off the radio and points out that look anyone who hired a bunch of ten year olds to solve a mystery ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT WAIT AND WILL NOT TOLERATE UNPROFESSIONAL BEHAVIOR i mean really it's not like we're children or something
shaggy tries to distract her by folding himself into a hovering UFOman
NOPE DIDN'T HEAR THAT ME AND MY ENORMOUS HANDS ARE GOING SURFING
OH GOD THE OCEAN HAS WATER HOW DID THIS HAPPEN
yep. that's whatcha get.
the 90s, when literally any cool dude knew how to skateboard and surf.
although i think that's more the grin of someone who is trying to avoid being probed by aliens than enjoying surfing. and hey is that a monster?
M-M-MONSTERRRRRRRRRRRR
QUICK RUN TO SHORE
QUICK EVERYONE STAND VERY STILL TREMBLING IN TERROR
hi kids i'm scooby doo
say no to drugs
what's that boy you want me to get you some rakes
scooby this is hardly the time to begin a zen garden
BACKWARDS KARATE CHOP YOUR BEST FRIEND
a good cyclops smear is worth a thousand words
yep still just freaking out and screaming, no point in running away or anything. not like you guys FIGHT MONSTERS ON A DAILY BASIS
daphne gets with the program
fred just reaaaaally needs to pee
fred's haircut really weirds me out. i mean jesus that's like serious flattop 50s style going on.
beach yoga is effective, but you get sand everywhere
anyway, obviously this early in the episode the monster and mystery aren't introduced yet. so what IS introduced is...
Redd Herring. yes, that's his name. yes, they created him just for this show. no, he serves ABSOLUTELY NO PURPOSE aside being a stereotypical bully and popping up in monster costumes to scare them.
also fred is constantly accusing him of being guilty, because like i said. brain replaced with rat droppings.
well i gotta hand it to you, stalking us all the way to the beach and holding your breath for an hour until we paddled out to surf just to spook us shows dedication. props on that, redd.
i think this lobster just wants to make friends
special friends.
DON'T RUN BABY I JUST WANNA HOLD YA
hi kids we're the scooby doo gang
school is cool pot is not
see that leg smear? that's how velma walks. also her aunt. it really annoyed me because WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE WHAT
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS
what she actually says is "greetings, relation. i am gratified to have you at my place of vocation." unfortunately she doesn't shout BEEP BOOP at the end of it.
:Y
anyway velma's aunt, sole proprietor of the marine institute, says that her dolphins are all missing. she's not sure if they've been stolen or if the monster has scared them away but that's why she called in the gang.
DOLPHINS
wait no i mean MONSTERS
scoobert
put down that doobert
i have a disproportionate amount of propaganda dealing with people getting stoned/drunk/wild and stupid on the beach. add this to the pile.
ANYWAY everyone sobers up and heads to the institute, and the dolphin paddock. i gotta admit this is a pretty cool idea. i wonder if some marine institutes actually do this, just have an open paddock that wild dolphins can wander in/out of to hang out with humans.
DOLPHINS???????????/
velma's aunt uses her dolphin summoning call while scooby decides to go for a swim
that fucking duck you guys
jesus
THAT FUCKING DUCK YOU GUYS
anyone gonna give a reaction to being drenched? no?
guess not. crack is wack.
MY GOD THERE'S SOMETHING ALIVE IN THIS OCEAN
DOLPHIN!!!!!!!!!
anyway this crime against nature is skipper
skipper is the only remaining dolphin, and because tracking animals is a technology far beyond this marine institute's understanding, they have no way of knowing where the other dolphins went or are going. even though a solitary dolphin without a pod is p unusual and YOU'D. THINK. SKIPPER. WOULD KNOW. WHERE. THEY ARE.
scooby is not sold on this dolphin getting all the attention.
so he does a magic trick and SKIPPER BITES OFF HIS HAND JESUS
if a dolphin nearly tore my arm out of my socket, my face would be stuck like this for a little while too.
BUT WHAT'S THAT SOUND
THAT OMINIOUS CRY OF "OH DUUUUUUUUUDE"
WHAT'S THAT COMING OVER THE HILL
IS IT A MONSTER
IS IT A MONSTER????
it's a hilariously 90s monster, with a bit of a muddled sense of season. can you imagine how long this guy must have been hunting around for someone who will deliver ripe pumpkins to the beach in the middle of summer?
WILD TAKES YES I LOVE THEM
yessssssss
hey there's golden plates in here
i'm gonna found my own religion
take a good long moment to let your eye walk over the faces in this screencap. really soak that in.
you know if it wasn't for his arms i'd have a hard time telling if this monster was facing frontwards or backwards. but i do really like his sharky skateboard. raaaa
I'M A HAT WITH LEGS AND I'M GETTIN THE FUCK OUTTA HERE
everyone fled into the aquarium room (why...wouldn't it just be...the display room.... i don't)
WAIT FOR HATSCOOBY GUYS
weeeeeeee and the monster breaks its wrist trying to ride through the doorway holding the pumpkin up
COME OUT DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDES
the monster 200% has a surfer accent. he is the headless skateboarder. this is our villain. this is our cover-up for a drug ring. this guy. this. guy.
because the cops would never investigate reports of a skateboarder behaving erraticly harassing the locals in the 90s.
point in fact: you know those 'no skateboarding' signs that you RARELY SEE ANYMORE? those are mostly a relic of the 90s. they plastered those fucking things everywhere in hopes of warding off teenagers. there was a huge stigma i guess that skateboarders were a BAD ELEMENT even though they were just...hanging out and practicing tricks and stuff. OH NO THEY MIGHT ATTEMPT A KICKFLIP OUTSIDE MY STORE, THEY COULD FALL DOWN AND HAVE A SKINNED KNEE I CAN'T HANDLE THIS GET OUT OF HERE YOU KIDS
shaggy did you seriously attach starfish to your nipples
that's an....interesting fetish but hey whatever
I SIMPLY HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THOSE MEDDLING KIDS AND THAT PUPPY GOT TO
I REALLY SHOULD HAVE PUT EYEHOLES IN MY MONSTER SUIT.
jesus scooby what is that face
good thing the monster barely expended a modicome of effort searching for us and is now gone.
that horrible high-pitched sonic shriek of death? that's the sound of a dolphin being kidnapped.
scooby you look kind of pleased to see the arm-eating dolphin is gone
can't blame you.
jesus does my nose really look like that
scooby that has to hurt
beach yoga must really do wonders
HE'S ON THE TRAIL
you know i'm kind of shocked that none of these run poses are too horrible
i have the oddest feeling the monster is not the hot dog vendor
SCOOBY THIS IS NOT HELPING US SOLVE THE MYSTERY OF THE KIDNAPPED DOLPHINS GDI
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
what actually happened (try not to be distracted by scooby's horrifying teeth) is that velma said 'jinkies.'
normally that just meant she'd reach a conclusion. but in a pup named scooby doo, it's about as subtle as a giant blue pawprint for blue's clues.
VELMA SAYS JINKIES -> THERE IS A CLUE
the clue happens to be a jellybean
why is that a clue
are we just lumping it into the clue catagory because it, too, is out of season?
i've solved the mystery, the dolphin-napper is a frustrated discount holiday supply store salesman.
STAND BACK THAT JELLYBEAN MIGHT BE BOOBYTRAPPED
WE GOTTA EAT IT TO BE SURE
"icarus" you say "when does this turn into propaganda"
i...eventually.
found some GRAPES
beachpita
i would not eat mysterious food i found lying on the sidewalk at the beach. all other concerns aside, it'd be all sandy and gritty.
I DUNNO WHO LEFT THIS WHOLE ROASTED CHICKEN BY THE CHANGING ROOMS AND I DON'T CARE
GONNA EAT THE HELL OUT OF IT
say no to drugs
but thumbs up to encouraging childhood obesity through shameless overeating
looks like someone wants to shaaaaare
now that's a wild take
jesus fred wild take'd his EAR off
SAVE THE ROAST CHICKEN
oh.
EVERYONE QUICK
INTO THAT GIANT CLOWN PANTLEG
i regret our choice immediately
well now they've warped to world 4-20 you can't get them
a surprise to no one, it's just redd herring.
like i said, this particular show suffered from enormous departures from the actual mystery. i'm really thinking it was more a result of exceptionally flimsy writing than anything else. like they couldn't come up with enough of a mystery or clues to support a full 20 minute episode, so they just stuffed a bunch of distracting filler into it.
uhoh looks like someone isn't totally taken with your pranks, redd.
WENDY OLDBAG IN A CARNIVAL MASK
POINTING CONTEST
EURODANCE CONTEST
oldbag chases redd off after accusing him of causing all the chaos on the beach and being the monster. MAKES SENSE I MEAN HE WAS KIND OF WEARING THE EXACT OUTFIT AND TERRORIZING PEOPLE WHEN SHE SHOWED UP
while oldbag is torturing redd, velma discovers dripping water. on the beach. THAT'S ONE HELL OF A CLUE.
my god what would this person who is employed as beach security be doing with all of this scuba gear and aquatic equipment
this sure is suspicious (my god who wrote this shit)
youthful oldbag introduces herself as "sandy sneakers"
which just makes me think of sandy fries, who wrote propaganda episodes for both jem and thundercats :o
WHY DO YOU
A BEACH EMPLOYEE
HAVE BEACH AND OCEANIC RESCUE EQUIPMENT IN YOUR JEEP FOR WORKING AT THE BEACH
totally got her stumped with this one i am a super slueth
I WORK AT THE BEACH YOU DRIBBLING SIMPLETON
i swear to god she really looks like wendy oldbag.
well that was the stupidest lead in the world and there is no concievable way that any court of law could tie anything there to a conviction so where to next
before we can address that issue
SURFERDUDE shows up
please note: surfers = perfectly okay
skaters = trouble
which to me is really bizzare because quite honestly in the 90s, the two were practically interchangable to the common ten year old. and even more surreal when you consider that the surf lifestyle of being a beach bum really seems like it would be more vulnerable to propaganda's mechanations than skating, which was usually the past time of teenagers and young adults who were still in school or had part-time jobs.
but whatever
this is GNARLY CHARLIE.
gnarly charlie hates crowds and hates the marine institute for attracting crowds, because they inconvenience his surfing.
i feel you there, gnarly charlie. a really crowded beach is no fun at all.
velma just quietly typing curse words into her computer. or just keyboard smashing the number row while holding down shift.
!;()?/#:
GNARLY CHARLIE YOUR HEAD INFLATED
ACID MUST BE KICKIN INNNNNN
anyway gnarlie charlie runs off to surf, so where to now?
oh come on you guys
there was a skate park right next to hte marina and it WASN'T the first place you looked for clues about the SKATEBOARDING GHOST?
i don't think you're taking your mystery very seriously.
skate park, water park, mini golf course...
you decide. clearly the art team has never seen a skate park.
i wonder if they're open
hi al
i see you share my disdain for shoes
here's our business card. you will notice it's blank, and that's because we're not a real business. we're just a bunch of ten year olds who think you're hiding a skateboarding headless zombie in your park. mind if we look around?
al seriously looks like he robbed a cross section of saved by the bell and bedrock for that outfit.
huh he has giant bags under his eyes and runs the skate park but this couldn't be our culprit COULD IT GUYS??????????
al says he couldn't possibly be the ghost because he doesn't know how to skateboard
he doesn't even know how this thing got in his hands
how do you even hold it is this the bottom or the side or what
fred's face-stretch assures al they'll only nose around his park without a warrent for really important things. like stolen dolphins. you're not hiding any of those are you? ha ha ha.
okay one: what's under that tarp
and two: how did he get grass to grow on soil that sandy
scooby just barfed an arm and his tail turned into an arrow
flashbacks to the point!
OHHHHHH DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDES
DUN. DUN. DUNNNNNNNNNNN
DON'T GO IN MY SHED DUUUUUUUUUUUUDES
mercy i do believe shaggy may faint
and SMEAR AWAY!
don't mind me, i just like dramatic lighting for lightning strikes.
NOT THE PUMPKIN NOOOO
...i really like dramatic lighting for lightning strikes.
wait, velma has an idea :o
hwup
uh huh
uuuuuuh huh
oh i know i really shouldn't skate up this ramp but it's the only one in the park and it's just so tempting
weeeeee
i regret nothiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing
fred
fred your face
well i'd say congratulate me for getting rid of the monster, but according to the plot clock he'll be back in 12 seconds and we'll need to further stall any time spent on the actual mystery
suavest monster
WAIT WAIT WAIT we're not ready for the obligatory chase sequence yet
SAFETY EQUIPMENT CHECK (that'll stall for time right?)
yeah that's my face too
WEIRD BOXY HELMETS THAT LOOK LIKE THEY BELONG IN A HOLLYWOOD GLADIATORS PORNO KNOCKOFF?
check
kneepads that nobody ever wore skating because you didn't want to look like your dad laying new tile in the kitchen
check
elbowpads nobody in their right mind would wear skating because if you did you looked like a complete pussy
OH MY GOD CAN WE ACTUALLY GET TO A PROPAGANDA MESSAGE SOME TIME TODAY
sorry, the writers really just need to miander around in confusion a while longer. give us a minute.
looks like we're ready
here, distribute these to the audience and we'll be back in ten years
once we've decided on a plot
oh my god this is so stupiiiiiiiiiiiiid
motorized skateboard in the colours of the mystery machine?
why not!
IT'S NOT A SKATEBOARD IF IT'S GOT A MOTOR ON IT GDI THAT'S JUST A SCOOTER WITH NO STEERING MECHANISIM
kisses from a pumpkin
1$
say no to drugs
but needlessly burning fossil fuels and making huge smog clouds from it is okay
90s
AND STAY OUT YOU MEDDLING KIDS
JESUS SCOOBY
anyway obviously they don't stay out and immediately return later that night to snoop around the shed the monster was protecting some more. do these guys ever sleep?
scooby are you part dachsund?
daphne is not commiting to this mystery at all
nope just part sharpei, my bad
snooping around a skatepark at night which has at the very least a dangerous criminal hiding something inside when no adults know we're here
what could go wrong?
quality animation, curtosy of hanna barbera.
you know they have great faith in their background art department's ability to convey a mess when they do this.
I HATE SLIGHTLY DIRTY ROOMS THAT MAY CONTAIN EVIDENCE. I HATE UNDISTURBED CRIME SCENES. THEY JUST PISS ME OFF.
so she....actually cleans the room.
moral here: if you think you've stumbled upon a criminal scene, TOUCH EVERYTHING AND ERASE EVERY TRACE OF EVIDENCE. the police will only thank you.
again, this served no purpose except to fill time and make a failed attempt at humor. FOAM PACKING PEANUTS, FILLING THE BOX TOO LARGE FOR THE PLOT THEY PUT IT IN.
gee that's strange, there's like 400 trophies all commemorating al's stunning ability to skateboard here. and yet he told us he had no idea how to skateboard. hmmmmm
ah yes, the awards for fartskating and the skater ho-down
not easy awards to win
velma decides to check al's wiki page to see why he might have all these trophies hidden away in a dusty room he never goes to and lie about his ability to skate. surely there could be no great shame in his past that he can't bear to look back on his history of success because of.
this is my new boyfriend
and his bio says he clcLi'un'citi nn'voNcNc'cc clVcccifc!
wikipedia is as helpful as ever
OO OO THERE'S A HEADING THAT SAYS SCANDLE AND CONTROVERSY
READ THAT
pssst u guys holdin
anyway you guys ready for the bomb to drop
al was in jail
in jail
for
drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOW I HATE HIM NOW THAT I KNOW HE DID JAILTIME ONCE FOR A POSESSION CHARGE
ME TOO, PEOPLE WHO HAVE THEIR LIVES RUINED BY ONE YOUTHFUL MISSTEP THAT POTENTIALLY ENDANGERED NO ONE AT ALL REALLY DESERVE TO BE HOUNDED FOR ALL ETERNITY FOR THAT MISTAKE
LET'S GO BERATE HIM RIGHT NOW
NO I DON'T CARE IF IT'S 2 AM LET'S GO
no fred i said berate not masturbate
i'm being stalked by ten year olds who wake me up and scream at me about doing jail time as a teen
because the entirity of child-focused american media in this decade tells them to treat me like a subhuman piece of trash once they learn i ever had anything to do with drugs
i'm just gonna cry
(fair reaction)
you tell me how you get a chin so large and you tell me right this minute
oh you want to ask me about my chinbutt workout tapes? that's different
HA PSYCHE
STUPID DRUGGIE
I BET YOU'RE ON DRUGS BECAUSE OF MONSTERS EH EHHHHHH
al responds in what to me is a really sympathetic appeal.
he explains that he used to be a really good skater, one of the best. but then he got mixed up in the wrong crowd (it happens to all of us, and hey, the potential is much greater when you're famous) and wound up doing time.
once he got out of jail he tried to pick up the pieces by starting a skate park. AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ANY OF THIS.
IN FACT, IF ANYTHING, THIS RIGHT HERE SHOULD BE WHERE AL BECOMES THEIR FRIENDA ND ALLY. BECAUSE THIS IS AN ACTUAL, REAL PROBLEM. people who mess up once and go to jail for a relatively minor charge still have to carry that charge on their record. there's really VERY FEW states that won't fire you if it turns out you were in posession of minor quantities of pot as a teen.
you could be a good worker, an excellent citizen, never have gotten so much as a traffic ticket since that one time you were caught - but it doesn't matter, you've been marked with a black spot. it becomes extremely difficult to get back into a 'straight and narrow' life with that. IF ANYTHING, THIS UNWILLINGNESS OF THE AMERICAN WORKFORCE'S COMMANDING MEMBERS TO FORGIVE AND FORGET IS WHAT ENCOURAGES PEOPLE TO HAVE TO RESORT TO CRIME TO SUPPORT THEMSELVES.
that said i have the utmost respect for the state of california. on their job applications it prettymuch says "were you ever arrested? ps if it was for pot we don't care, so just say no."
anyway, learning this they leave al alone and assure him they'll catch the monster. so...i guess the gang is willing to forgive him his crimes. as should we all. right?
ZOIKS, IT'S A GIANT MARIJUANA BUSH
LET'S BLAZE IT SCOOB wait
FUCK THIS I'M GOING TO RIO
what actually happened is redd herring was rustling around in the bush, and he jumps out.
he explains wendy oldbag has been chasing him since yesterday and he wants to hire the gang to clear his name of the crime. since you know, he isn't really the skateboarding ghost.
nope still going to rio. someone toss me in as carry-on, i'm sick of this shit.
JESUS FRED DON'T MAKE THAT FACE, I JUST ASKED FOR YOUR HELP
aaaaand they agree to help redd and he sneaks away in his bush disguise.
again, another pointless departure from the mystery to fill time. FOAM PEANUTS EVERYWHERE
say no to drugs kids
look how paranoid scooby's getting back there
well we're completely out of places to search, gotta search the ENTIRE OCEAN next
but velma we didn't search the parking lot or the coastline or talk to life guards or search the marine institute's dolphin corral for clues or-
NOPE SEARCHED EVERYWHERE.
OCEAN.
scooby might consider searching the ocean if you gave him a scooby snack.
cause you know, drugs are bad.
but depending on an outside substance to give you confidence and comfort and encourage you to do potentially life-threatening things is totally okay if it's food.
FEED ME SHAGGYYYYY
FEED ME ALL NIGHT LOOOOOOOONG
YOU CAN DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
anyway scooby eats a scooby snack and they go into the ocean
pssssst
you kids wanna buy some drugs
is it just me or does scooby's face look more like adult!scooby here?
oh it's just you
here to fill more time accusing them of not working on the case of clearing your good name
no one makes a joke about fishing for herring
no one
not one person
redd goes THAT'S NOT VERY FUNNY which i swear to god was his catchphrase.
god i hate catchphrases whyyyyyyyy were they so forced in the 90s
well now that pointless waste of time is past, let's get back to the mystery. LOOK, A CAVE.
IT'S FULL OF GHOOOOOOOOOSTS
i love a good wild take that stretches costumes.
anyway, at this point there's actually a musical chase sequence. i didn't record the music, because i felt lazy, but it's like a really REALLY bad mix between white-guy jazz and reggae and banana boat that's just inconcievably horrible.
musical chase sequences were a regular thing in A Pup Named Scooby Doo, just every episode had one for some reason. i guess to fill time. MORE FILLER, MOOOOOOOOOORE
psst bub
i don't take kindly to pumpkin pushers in my neighborhood
yeah that's right you better run
i got nine legs and that extra limb is exclusively for kicking your ass.
anyway after the stupid musical chase sequence, the monster completely forgets it was guarding the cave and the gang swims in.
gj monster gj
OH HEY WE FOUND THE DOLPHINS THROUGH RANDOM CHANCE
WE'RE THE BEST
huh
looks like the jetsons are behind the kidnapping
actually they're remote controls that control the dolphins (HOW?????????????????)
and the dolphins, who need i remind you swim in the water are wearing little backpacks
backpacks which contain
BROWN LUMPS
i mean DRUGS
OH MY GOD NOT THE DREADED BROWN LUMP DRUG
what would that even be, i think of brown lumps and all i can think of is like mushy tabacco. maybe hashish? but isn't that cut in bricks??
well whatever it is, smuggling it by REMOTE CONTROLLED DOLPHIN is a terrible idea because 1) salt water destroys electronics 2) salt water ALSO PROBABLY DESTROYS DRUGS, I WOULD THINK.
fred found stairs
gj fred
hey velma do you think we should turn those drugs over to the police
wh...what drugs hahahahahahaha i don't know where they went or what you're talking about heh. heh hehhehehehehehehehe i can see the universe being born
welp having stumbled upon dolphins and a drug smuggling gang they've decided they KNOW WHO THE CULPRIT IS.
i'm sure you saw this coming a million miles away, but think objectively about the evidence they've got. what links al to the monster?
1) skateboards
2) his one time in jail for posession
I'M SORRY BUT THAT'S KINDA FUCKIN FLIMSY AND REALLY JUDGEMENTAL IF YOU ASK ME
hi al, hi gnarly charlie. we're about to catch the monster. but first we're going to snoop around your shed more. so if one of you is the monster, you really should show up immediately cause it'd be convenient for us and really help us collar you
as any good criminal knows you get 30x more active when investigators are closing in on your operation. there's no such thing as lying low.
oh by the way we cleaned your shack earlier so any actual evidence of you coming or going has been erradicated. so really, if you don't show up as the monster now, the police will have nothing on you. OKAY BYE HAHAHA
hmm think he'll take the bait
of course he will
i do love telescope-eyes. i also love that shaggy prettymuch collapsed his body here.
i'm sure al actually watched us climb up here with all this equipment, but he'll be so distracted by shaggy and scooby that our plan is flawless. FLAWLESS I SAY
their plan is to drop a radio control collar onto al.
guys
guys
he has no head in his costume
how are they going to drop it over his neck
his costume
has
no
head
or
neck
i
can't
augh
HIIIIIIII GUYS WE'RE BEING CHASED BY A MURDEROUS MONSTER WHO'S RUNNING A DRUG SMUGGLING RING
DON'T WORRY ABOUT US
woooooooooooooooops
i wonder how many kids went sailing directly into that weird ghost at the top of that hill
maybe that's why al's business is bad, his skate park is prettymuch a DEATH TRAP.
fred no stay sober for the final chase damnit
you can't tell, because the animation is terrible. but scooby is flying through the air and slams into their judge stand. i swear that's what happens.
oh no the collar is falling around scooby
who could have predicted this
oh no the remote is switching on
who could have predicted this
in the grand tradition of scooby doo, a monster capturing plan goes fantasticly awry.
at least they kept that consistant.
>:(
SHOOOOOOOOOOOM
man those poor dolphins, imagine the remote just says FLY 20 FEET STRAIGHT UP and WOOSH away they go. directly into airplanes.
guuuuuuuuuummy beaaaaaaars
bouncing here and there and everywhere
high adventure that's beyond compare
gummy beaaaaaaaaars
they'll save the world and kick some ass
then they'll go back home and smoke some grass
wait wrong cartoon
INCOMING PUPPY
how did this even happen
what are you guys even doing
KARATE KICK
I'M SAVIN THE DAY
fortuitiously, scooby's butt smooshes the remote.
thanks for saving us from that forced bullshit, scooby.
gdi shaggy just cause scooby goes flying around, you want to too?
someone should teach you about the dangers of peer pressure.
velma are you feeling okay
good thing when scooby kicked that monster it grabbed a net and threw it over itself
and then never figured out the basics of escaping from under tarps
gj gang gj
so how did the pumpkin manage to move its mouth and eyes like that, what's going on inside here? a complex series of animatronics on a convincing latex model of a pumpkin?
A SINGLE SPEAKER. THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHI- wait that doesn't explain anything at all.
uh daphne
your eye is a little...nevermind
GET OUT OF MY FACE WOMAN, I KNOW WHO STOLE THE DOLPHINS AND SMUGGLED DRUGS
JEEZ
8> says daphne
anyway down the list of suspects. oldbag is a suspect because.....she had scuba gear in her car.
how damning.
shaggy's face will forever give me nightmares
anyway gnarly charlie is a suspect because he likes a quiet beach.
you guys have the worst suspect list ever.
SUSPECT THREE IS REDD HERRING
FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN THAT HE IS ALWAYS A SUSPECT. FOREVER AND EVER.
oh right i forgot you were paying us not to suspect you
my bad
remember future slueths: if someone pays you money to say they're innocent, they're always innocent.
but of course he's none of these suspects
he's al.
yes that's a costume being removed and don't think too hard about how he hid his head and neck seemlessly inside it.
HE WAS SELLING DRUGS
DRUGS
BECAUSE HE DID IT ONCE AND THAT MEANS HE'LL ALWAYS DO IT AGAIN
ONCE YOU BECOME INVOLVED IN DRUGS YOU ARE A CRIMINAL FOR LIFE
NO IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE THAT HE'D SAVE UP AND OPEN A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS IN LINE WITH HIS PASSIONS FOR SKATEBOARDING AND THEN THROW IT ALL AWAY TO SMUGGLE DRUGS BY DOLPHINBACK BUT THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED
REMEMBER KIDS
IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW EVER TOUCHED DRUGS ONCE
THEY WILL ALWAYS STAB YOU IN THE BACK AND RUIN LIVES TO TRY TO PUSH DRUGS ON OTHERS IN THE FUTURE
NO EXCEPTIONS
NO FORGIVENESS
fuck you, 90s propaganda
my own pet theory is that he was just disguised as a ghost because he didn't want to be outed and lose customers while he cruised the beach looking for a hunky surfer to be his boyfriend
i mean why else would he just be hanging out with gnarly charlie
OLDBAG'S TAKING YOU IN
wait gnarly charlie why are you here now
uh. huh.
so oldbag is helping al in drug smuggling by.......... doing what exactly? letting him borrow scuba equipment, maybe? I'M NOT FOLLOWING HER GUILT HERE
also gnarly charlie is an undercover FBI agent.
no don't ask for his ID and don't ask why an FBI agent is on a case reserved for the ATF just accept it
headcanon: gnarly charlie is actually the drug smuggler ring leader and was just doing this so these stupid kids would go away. later he apologises to al, offers him a dime bag, al politely declines and oldbag spends the next ten years spying on them because she has the hots for charlie. THE END
or not.
anyway the dolphins are back, mystery solved.
AND I AIN'T PAYIN YOU CHUMPS CAUSE YOU DIDN'T CLEAR MY NAME
BECAUSE CLEARING MY NAME WAS RELATED TO ANOTHER CASE, WHICH MEANS YOU DIDN'T SOLVE MY CASE SOMEHOW. I'M SURE THAT WORKS FOR DEBT COLLECTION COURT RIGHT
let me just causally not watch where i'm going
OH NO I FELL OVER
hahaha the dolphins are trying to kill him
that's adorable
420 blaze it, scoob.
so, what did we learn today?
well, we learned that the 90s not only worked to alienate children from potential drug users who could use help - it also worked to alienate them from anyone who MIGHT have used drugs in the past, paid their debt to society, and gone straight. it encouraged them to eye any one-time user with suspicion and encouraged them to feel any hardship they endured subsequently as a result of not being able to escape their own record was all justified.
and that's bullshit. good people suffer because of this kind of thinking. if someone is a stupid teenager and gets caught and later becomes a straight-laced hard working adult, they shouldn't be forced to live a sub-par life because of that one youthful mistake. the legal system in addition to the social system needs to work towards forgiveness. social's on its way - with recent studies showing 51% of americans no longer feeling marijuana smoking is necessarily worth prosecuting - but legal still lags behind.
that should change. if someone is a good member of society in all other capacities, why does it matter what they do for recreation, provided no one else is endangered or hurt? JUST. SAYIN'.
we also learned that hanna barbera was so incredibly misguided and lost in the 1990s that it actually made a cartoon in which the scooby doo detective agency worked to fight drug crime.
and, we learned that SKATEBOARDERS ARE BAAAAAAAAAAD NEWS. BUT SURFERS ARE FINE. why? because surfers are usually in their 20s or 30s. AND SKATERS ARE TYPICALLY KIDS. NO GOOD HOOLIGAN KIDS, ALL SELLING AND BUYING AND DOING DRUGS. AND WE ALL SAY NO TO DRUGS, RIGHT???
.....RIGHT????
have a good one, dudes.
oh, and don't miss chris's wonderful commentary on the anti-drug episode of "Defenders of the Earth"! it's every bit as splendid.
